I weighed today, having not weighed before I jumped back on the wagon in April. Oh, geeze, what did I do to myself during the wild carb filled months? I know I have lost weight over these past couple months (people are noticing, my clothes are getting bigger, and I feel smaller), but ... a real big BUT ... today I weighed 308 lbs. Oh, my God, what did I weigh in April when I came to my senses? I don't even want to think about it. I am glad I did not weigh then, because I probably would have thrown my hands up. I had no idea it was so bad. The reality sucks and hurts.

My SO was with me when I weighed and he was kind. He didn't think I had gained back so much weight either. If he wasn't there I would have probably busted out in tears. Somehow I have managed not to cry. I am surprised, because I feel so terrible right now.

I am so digusted with myself, sad, disappointed ... you name it, but I am not giving up. What choices do I have? Three:
1. Stay where I am forever?
2. Get fatter?
3. Continue as I am and reach my goal one fine day?
There is only one choice for me #3. This is my solution. I am determined now not to fall off the wagon again.

I had a big goal set to weigh 235 by the end of last year and I didn't make it, because I feel off the wagon when I was within 20 lbs. or so. I set a new goal to reach it by the end of this year and I don't think it's attainable. Ugh! Maybe I can get back to 260 lbs. by then.

I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks.