using my fat as a shield against the world
 

it seems like i'm hitting a wall, and i'm trying figure out exactly what's going on. i think on some level, i'm really attached to my fat, and that i dont want to let it go. i've ALWAYS been overweight. always, even when i was a little kid. it's almost like i feel like people are going to expect more from me if i'm fit and lean. already, i notice that people treat me differently. so, do you think it's possible to stop losing weight if, mentally and emotionally, you're not really prepared for it to happen?

I know that feeling!! We have had several threads here about fear of being thin. People treat thin people different than fat people.

I'd always been a fat person and now that I'm not people treat me differently. It's weird sometimes how the same person can treat you differently as weight changes.

I think we can unconsciously sabotage ourselves if there is something deep down inside we don't want to deal with. Consciously, I want to be a thin and healthy person but I find once I get to a certain weight I fall off the rails. It's a pattern I have done many times and I am trying to figure it all out so I don't keep doing it. I know this is my pattern but I don't know WHY yet.

Working on it....

Julie

Been there. Done that. Still stuggling. I seem to get so far, take a look at myself and start heading back up. I know why. Now I'm trying to get beyond it. You have problems at whatever weight. So why not be thinner? That's what I keep focusing on.

darn, i was looking for other threads about this issue, i must have been searching for the wrong terms or something, cause i didnt find anything. how true!

that's where i'm at right now. *sigh* i'm so sick of being fat, i know how to not be fat anymore, and yet, here i am...still fat and still resisting being thin. about a year ago, i made it down to 147, where i'm at now, and then i just kind of quit. i was still lc'ing, but with a gradual carb creep that allowed me to stay right where i was for a long time, and then a bigger carb creep that pushed me up to 158. anyways, here i am again, just at the cusp of being almost not overweight, and i'm doing things that i know wont let me lose weight. like snacking when i'm not really hungry, eating cheese (which i know stalls me), not drinking enough darn water, taking the bus instead of walking, staying home to play on the computer instead of hiking around in the woods with my family.

Well, go ahead and do some mental work on it. Imagine yourself the size you want to be...and what will be expected of this different person. It's the only way you'll figure out exactly what it is you are afraid of, and that's the first step to dealing with it.

And if you don't know...you don't know! Fear of the unknown is enough for some people. Especially if you have always struggled with your weight, it can seem like a whole new country. But you aren't thrown into it all at once, either. As you edge down in sizes, you are moving into the new country, too.

Try EFT?
 

I didn't get fat overnight and I'm not getting thin overnight, either. I'm letting myself take all the time I need to get different--it IS very threatening and new.

That said, the techniques described at www.emofree.com can be very useful for moving through blocks that you can't even tell you have.

cs_carver~that's funny (weird funny), i was just looking at that eft website the other day. hmmm. i've been trying to do reiki on myself more often (okay, more like i've done reiki on myself once in the last month!), but i really do believe in energy healing. eft is something brand new to me, i'll have to read about it some more, i guess.

adkpam~i love the idea of using visualization to work thru the fear of the unknown! **adds to mental to do list**. :)

I too was very obese as a child and went on a diet as a teenager. I too was scared that people woudl treat me different and expect more from me. While I was losing weight, I was worried that I would not be myself anymore and I was afraid. Being thin seemed so alien to me. Nonetheless, I lost 90 lbs anyway and got down to a very slim weight.

Then one day I went over to my grandparent's house (they hadn't seen me in 6 months, since I started my diet). I walked in their house and my grandma looked at me startled and said "Who do you think you are, young lady, walking into my house like you own the place???" I was shocked that she'd be upset about that and told her I was sorry. Then, suddenly, after hearing my voice, she realized who I was --- and I realized she thought I was a stranger and hadn't recognized me!!!

When she did realize it was me, she hugged me so tightly and told me I looked soooooo beautiful. I was never more happy about my weight loss in my whole life. I felt like I was suddenly the ME I was always meant to be. I loved the way people treated me after that, I always felt special.

Either way, I gained the weight back years later, but thats another story altogether ;)

I'm still overweight but from an 18 to a 12 is a difference. And there are people who do give me more attention now. Part of me sits there upset and disgusted. being 3 sizes bigger made me not a person? It makes me wonder how much worse it's going to be when I get to goal weight. But I have the attitude of "whatever" I need to do this for me and that is their problem. If I was not good enough then, then I don't want them around me now.