Marital Bliss in Jeopardy
 

I've noticed that there seem to be a lot of women who use this forum. That is why I'm asking for your advice. I started LC 6 months ago and have lost about 40 lbs, about half way to my goal of 170. My wife started with me but quit after a few days. She has been perpetually dieting for 10 years controlling calories and fat with no results. Now that I am having such good results and relatives are commenting on my loss, it has started to bother her a lot. To the point that it is putting a strain on our normally good relationship. She makes half joking remarks that I better not get to where I weigh less than she does. I can assure you that I'm not making any comments about anything she eats or that I do for that matter.

My question to the forum is, should I bump up my carbs to maintain my current weight in the interest of marital bliss? Or keep on going in the hope of inspiring her. She has stopped eating bread and has lost about 10 lbs. I'm leaning towards maintaining my weight because if the second option doesn't work, what good is it to be slim and not have a happy home.

Thanks,

I think you should keep going for your goal. You being healthy is important, and you made that initial goal for a reason.
If she has cut out bread, and lost weight, I'd say that you're inspiring her to change her eating habits.
I can't guess what's in her mind, but the fact she cut out bread is probably a good sign that she is making an effort.
Keep up the good work grandpa!!!

My husband and I started at the same time, and he gave up soon as well. He doesn't begrudge me my weight loss, though doing so is pretty common. People have a problem with change. None of my relatives have made any negative comments to me yet, but if they do, I won't let it sway me. I've already decided.

I say keep up the good work. Just reiterate to your wife often that you love her no matter what so that she won't feel as threatened by your loss (if that's what she's feeling). Heck, tell her this way she'll have you around for longer. :) I think I've about got my husband convinced to start back up again by seeing my weight loss and increased level of energy.

Maybe you can take over some of the cooking (assuming she does most of the cooking) and make some really tasty LC dinners that would help her eat healthier without her realizing that they are necessarily LC.

Your wife is likely just reacting to her own disappointment in herself. Even though she is having a difficult time right now, I'm sure she would never want you to compromise your health so that she doesn't have to feel guilty.

Losing weight is for YOU! She will have to come around in her own time. The best thing you can do for her is lead by example. Tell her you're glad to be getting control of your health so that you can spend many more years loving her.

It will probably help if you reinforce that you love her as much as always, no matter what.

Anyway - it sounds like it's working if she's given up bread and lost 10 pounds. She will come along, I'm sure, on her own timetable.

We give so much of ourselves to our marriages -- our health should not be non-negotiable.

It's tough, though. Good luck!

I have to agree with everyone. You have to do what is right for you. My DH and I are both LCing but I have lost 60 lbs. to his 30. He is very happy for me but I know deep down he is a little bit jealous that he has not done so well. Keeping that in mind, he has been stricter with his diet in the past few weeks. I really think I am inspiring him!! And I never (well only once in awhle) tell him he shouldnt eat something or preach to him. I think I am just setting an example for him and you can do that for her too. It is her decision only and you can only be an example to her. Good luck!!

Generally men lose faster than women. I dont think you should change your plans for your wife because hopefully you will inspire her. She probably will take some time to get used to the new you but in reality you are getting healthier for yourself and in the long run it will be good for her b/c you want to be there for her in the long run...healthwise.

Good luck and I hope she changes her mind and rejoins you and you rnew WOE.

It seems like most of us in relationships hit the same hurdles! My partner has been following Atkins somewhat, but never 100% like I do. It can be really tough - when I am definitely losing faster because I don't eat some of those foods (sugared ice-tea, frappucino drinks, pizza etc.) and she does. She loses more slowly and I often feel guilty about being happy when I weigh in each week.

I think what Beth said is the most important point. I never say a thing, I keep all judgement out of it. If she never loses a pound I will love her just as much and I make sure to say that. On the other hand, this is a serious health issue for me, and I cannot give up my own goal so that she doesn't feel competitive with me.

Change always causes a bit of friction, but you will feel so much better in your golden years if you stick with it! And she will appreciate that even if she doesn't know it now :). Orchid

It wouldn't hurt if you butter her up as you continue to lose... :lol: She's likely just disapointed in herself a bit, but the fact she's given up bread is a good sign. Compliment her, show her the way by example... if she makes you a low-carb dish..really LOVE that low-carb dish! Highlight the health benefits and how it pertains to HER... celebrate your weigh-in by buying HER flowers, just because you appreciate her help in getting closer to your goal...invite her on walks with you, tell her how you feel about wanting to be able to spend more good years with her.

It might sound like a load of you-kow-what, but addressing her insecurity without her having to say so might just help her feel good enough to join in again, or at least not feel threatened by your success.

no offense but if your love for each other is so weak that you loosing some weight might ruin the entire marriage, you shouldnt have gotten married to begin with. Hopefully things will turn out for the better! Good luck :)

Men lose weight so much faster than women it isn't funny. Well, at least most of us women don't find it funny. Anyway, I'm sure any reasonable spouse wants to see their spouse succeed. And who knows, eventually your success may inspire her.

If you have any friends who are medical at all, it might help to have them reassure her that men lose faster and easier then women. She may be a little jelous tha tyou seem to be losing so fast and easily while she struggles more.

If she is a sever carb addict who has to deal with insulin unbalance, she may blame herself for having cravings and giving in at times. Has she read any LC books? CAD could be a good book for her to read if she is a carb addict.

Keep going for your goal, but instead of focusing on the scale, why not focus on overall health and make it a family activity. Take walks together, join a gym and spot each other, play frisbee in the park and so on. If you have kids include them too. This way everyone gets in shape together and it's a fun bonding experience.

If she's already lost 10 pounds congradulate her on her success. Offer to cook for a while and show her LC doesn't have to be just another deprivation diet that's hard to stick to. She may be scared to give LC a full try because of fear of what happens if she fails another diet where you are succeeding so well.

You should probably be upping carbs and moving through OWL anyway since you are getting closer to goal. Why not pick up Atkins for Life when you get about 15 poudns within goal and go to premaintanance. Yes weight loss will slow a bit, but it will better foster good eating habits that will make it easier for you to keep the weight off. It will also open up alot more variety in meals and make family meals more to everyoens tastes.

Thanks to all of you who replied. You gave me some great ideas, and helped me better understand what is going on. Perhaps my thread title exaggerated the gravity of the situation. We talked about this last night and she said that she was proud of my success and chances for healthier, longer life, but she is jealous of my fast results and for not straying as often as she does on her low fat/calorie diet as many of you said.

BTW, I do the cooking or else we eat out. So I have a lot more control over what I eat than many men might. I've stopped making things that include high carb ingredients or else separate them like a buffet so everyone can put on their plate what they want. But when she and the girls want one of the old high carb favorites I make it for them and eat something else.