Sympathy or contempt...
 

There was a printed story in my morning paper today by Chelsea Carter, an Associated Press Reporter who lost 100 pounds -- on Weight Watchers. But that's not the thing I saw in it that was of interest to me, and to others on this forum.

Carter interviewed C.C. DeVille, the gituarist for the hair-metal Poison. DeVille had to come back from drugs, alcohol and weight gain.

"You can be the biggest drug addict in the world, and they will still like you in this town (Hollywood). But if you're fat, they treat you like a leper." He went on to tell Carter "You know what I'm talking about, right?"

In her article, Carter wrote: "I wanted to tell him it's not just Hollywood. It was everywhere: At work where editors wondered whether or not I was up to the assignment; around friends, who avoided discussions of appearance; even at the grocery store, where the checkout clerk never looked me in the eye."

I think that it's true that fat, among all self-destructive habits, generates the most contempt, and almost no sympathy. Hollywood savaged Brando for his weight gain, but give part after part, and speak in soothing terms of healing about Robert Downey Jr. There is perhaps anger at smokers who have ruined their health, but hardly the grisly contempt there is for fat people.

It's unique to the fat, I think, because a fat person's failings are on display every day, all day. And, think about children. There are fat children in schools who go through brutal, cruel days. There are rarely any smokers in second grade, and if there are, they're more likely to be thought of as cool. From an early age, we have somehow taught our kids that fat people are open targets, and that it's probably the worst thing you can be. They come into adulthood with no less contempt of the fat than they had as children. They're just better at censoring themselves.

I don't like the "fats right" movement much, but they are spot-on, about what they say about the treatment of fat people in today's world. Their movement is based on the lie that they're comfortable being fat, something any fat guy knows isn't true. Still, while I resist being part of any group of that kind, I would love to see more acceptance of the fat in the vein that you see acceptance of the addicted. Sympathetic, supportive, and typically not contemptuous.

I don't want the world to treat fat people special. If they want to discriminate against me, that's fine -- I'll outwork and outthink them. But I'd like it to at very least treat fat and other self destructive behaviors the same way, whether that's with contempt or with compassion.

Sadly, I think it's the truth...

So true and so "spot on"

Hi Kyrasdad, I vote for neither sympathy nor contempt. I like education.

It's been my experience the bar gets raised a bit for the overweight person. I think it's because of the attitude the article talks about that overweight people have to work that much harder than their thinner counterparts.

On the other hand, as an overweight person I have learned to be self conscious because of criticism, and that affects my public demeanor, which at times may change or alter how I would really do a job or react in certain situations. Not always, but sometimes.

One insult in particular that grinds me is the assumption that overweight equals less intelligent. I have seen situations where a so called beautiful-person makes such a stupid statement in public that I almost laughed out loud, yet no one else or very few seemed to notice. On the other hand it may just be my off sense of humor too.

It's amazing how many thin people that speak publicly have just the right advice on how to get rid of extra pounds. Their advice is simplistic and often true if we were to be honest with ourselves. They usually say just eat less and exercise more. We all know the problem with that simple advice.

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Hollywood savaged Brando for his weight gain, but give part after part, and speak in soothing terms of healing about Robert Downey Jr.
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Most people realize Hollywood is plastic in every sense of the word. I think deep down inside Brando is recognized for his great talent and his ability to make producers money, and Robert Downey Jr. is recognized as being a spoiled fake that rode into town on his father's coat tails.

Man, there is nothing I hate more than that attitude from someone who has never been where I am. It is simplistic. It is the truth. It's also so much bullshit coming from someone who's never been overweight. They cannot understand the experience. I'm a black & white kind of guy. Things either are true or they are not, but there are degrees of perception.

I resent it like smokers might resent advice from me; I'd tell them "just don't smoke." The advice, while inescapably,technically correct, is comes from real-world ignorance.

I liken it to a virgin giving sex advice: He may know where everything is and what it's supposed to do, but until you've been there, you can't intelligently talk about it. The virgin's absolute truth may be true, but he isn't qualified to tell that truth.



I hate to say this, but Hollywood in this case is an excellent reflection of America.

When you talk about work, we have some people in our office that were hired to do certain things, but aren't good at it. One is a very beautiful woman who could easily be in movies. She isn't dumb, just not qualified to do what she's doing. If she were a fat girl, she wouldn't have lasted a month at the job. Because she's drop-dead gorgeous, she has stayed on for years.

I like to recognize this prejudice without allowing myself to feel victimized by it. To me, turning the corner and refusing to let myself be a victim, whether of myself, or of others, is the empowering force that will keep me going in the right direction.

That leaves male gynocologists where? hehehehe redawn;)

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing on if there should or should not be special accomodations in certain public places for the overweight. And, I think it's sad that the only groups that are wanting to fight for "fat rights" have to be these extremeists who say that they are happy being "overweight". That makes the rest of us look a little "ignorant" in my opinion.

Also, I wonder how it really all starts with us learning that "fat" is something that we can make fun of. I grew up an overweight child and had 2 overweight parents. My mother told me that when I was about 7 years old and we were on our way to a PTA meeting that I started crying in the car and told her that I didn't want her to go up to the school cause she was a fat mom and the kids would make fun of me. Of course, now being 24 and hearing this from my mom I was devistated that I could have been so mean to her. But, this is what we learn may it be from TV, peers, etc...

Ok, I've ranted enough. :)

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"I think that it's true that fat, among all self-destructive habits, generates the most contempt, and almost no sympathy.
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This is sooooo true! I HATE all of those assumptions so many people make about people who are heavy. I especially hate that dismissive attitude you can sometimes get from thin people. Like, no matter what you may or may not have accomplished in life-or may yet accomplish- if you're fat, you're at the bottom of the heap. Just the fact that they're thin, and that fact alone, somehow makes them (in their own mind) superior to you. Sheessh!

I just love being patronized by some dimwit who assumes I must be a tad slow since afterall, hey, THEY would have the sense not to go outside and be seen in public if THEY weighed as much as I do!

Hmmmmmmmm. I'm sounding more angry than what I probably feel. But I do hate and resent being defined by how I look, good or bad.
Kathy

The sad truth is that we're all defined that way. Primates like us are visual beings. I hate to say it, but I'm no more high-minded than the next person. I will probably favor the better looking person, all other things being equal. And I'll probably do it unconsciously - as will most people.

At bare minimum, the Brad Pitts of the world will get more chances and better opportunities than the rest of us. And if you're fat, you get even fewer chances. It's why you have to make the most of them.

I don't know if it will ever be different. I suspect that at some level, the fat are as discrimiated against as any racial minority. I can recall seeing analysis on the earnings of fat people, tall people, etc. Tall people on average make more money until they get too tall; fat people earn significantly less than thin. I just wonder if you compared the average earnings of fat people to various gender and minority groups, if you'd see a gap just as large?

I don't know, and don't have time to Google around for it. Any takers?

I think the above was well written, but I have to admit that my weight had not really kept me from being happy, I guess I was indifferent to it. Others see me as fat and I can't disagree with them, because it is reality. The way you look should not change the way you see yourself, only the way other less informed or misguided people see you. I do admit that it makes somethings more of a challenge, but that is what life is meant to be a series of hurdles, challenges, and goals, and it all comes down to the old saying of life is what you make of it. Seems kind of simple but then so are some of the people that judge a person before they have the chance to know them, of this I admit I am no better than most of these people as I am quick to judge also sometimes though I will realize this and change my atitiude.

I honestly do think that the weight issue we have to live with is by choice, this is evident as all of us are choosing to change the way we live and eat. I would bet that every fat person could probably figure out when they started to become fat, and possibly even understand what happened to make it happen.

It is sad that people think less of you, but it makes me want to prove them wrong and show them what a fool they were when they first met me. You can't change a person's first impression of you unless they give you a chance and then it is all up to you to make them see you for who you are not what you look like.

Remember we the US as a nation seem to be getting fatter so one day we have a good chance at being the majority instead of the minority. I know that at this point in my life I will always be fat, no matter how much I may loose. I lived my life as a fat person and it will no doubt end that way in my mind.

Always remember that being fat has some advantages, the wind will never blow you away, if that skinny person really p*ssed you off you can sit on them, provided you don't need to chase them, you get far more cover in bed, and it is much easier to clear a path through a crowd, as you just toss those skinny people aside.

Sorry about the long post, but we are what and who we are and the only person's opinion that is really important to me is mine, the rest of the people can kiss my a**, which is another good thing about being fat they have a bigger target area.

Thanks for listening I mean reading.

dave