Too afraid
 

I am too terrified to weigh myself. I do measure and I have not gained. I guess I could be happy so to speak. Last week when I measured I had full blown PMS though, and I am the same this, week after my period. I will just hope for the best next week instead.

This whole healing thing really stinks. I wish people would understand the fact that some people are not over weight because they eat too much and do not exercise enough.

I have no idea of why I ended up making a totally different post instead of replying to the weighing post. I guess it is past my bedtime and I am delirious.

Hi BustmyButt

I feel for you, I really do because I so often feel the very same way as you are now. I know that no matter what I or other people say this feeling about the scale will persist - I know that because it happens to me. All my beiner buddies and others on the forum are so encouraging and we all try to help each other get over that darn scale - but there is always that little voice inside that continues to nag us.

The main thing right now is how are you feeling? If I remember correctly yesterday you were saying you felt good and wanted to be healthy, that you would be patient and go through the healing process and then the weight loss would follow. That's what I said when I started TSP a couple of weeks ago and I meant it - every single day I have doubts but every single day I feel great and in the end that wins out over these flashes that go through my head - wild ideas of fasting, or cutting down to starvation level calories. I know this is very hard to do at times I feel like I have given up on losing weight, but when I calm down and think about it I realize I have not given up....the other programs just were not working for me, I did Atkins for about a month, I gained on it and was always hungry on it. Obviously my metabolism is not cut out for atkins I lose better on a diet with moderate carbs and a high fibre content. You sound like you are in a similar boat - so if no plan is working for you is it not better to be eating a diet of good healthy food while your system is healing? I can tell you that I have not gained while on my first couple of weeks TSPing, actually I have lost a little - not much but a little.

I remember you saying you had cut your exercise and were just doing moderate walking. I still exercise (BFL type weights) I don't know what type you are according to the TSP2 book but lots of people are doing weight type exercise along with this plan. I have lost a lot of inches in 2 months - about 13 total even though my weight is about the same. So maybe if you start your weights again your inch loss will pick up. I guess the decision whether or not to exercise in the beginning is dependant on whether you feel really stressed by exercising or does it relax you. You don't have to exercise to the point of exhaustion a half hour or so of weights does not exhaust me and you were accustomed to doing them so it probably would not hurt you and should definitely help your inch loss.

Sorry this turned out to be very long - but I just hate to hear how distressed you sound and am afraid you will abandon a very healthy plan before you have given it a good try. Please hang in.

:wave:

Hi Bustmybutt, and welcome :wave:

I know how both of you ladies feel, I know we all get impatient and think about trying quick fixes (digging our hole of damaging our metabolisms further) just to see that scale go down--but we know how that goes--and have to decide if we want to continue going in circles--chasing our own tails so to speak. Anything of high quality takes time.

We must come to realize that the scale isn't the only barometer of our progress. If it (the scale) is up a little just remember that it is only an instrument and we are complex living beings with systems and brains far superior to a machine, so do not let it rule your day! I try to remember that if we are doing our best to balance our diets, repair and rebuilding is occuring *inside* our bodies that we cannot see. We of course cannot *see* the wind in our atmosphere but we certainly see it's affects--tornados/a gentle breeze/ etc. The same may be said about TSP if you are feeling better day by day that is a testimony to something good you are doing!

I like to compare *fast quick weight loss dieting* to building an out house and a program such as TSP to the building of a beautiful,solid house . I am not a building expert , but I know which one I would prefer to live in for the rest of my life.

Try not to worry or second guess what other people think about your exercise or eating habits. *You* know you are doing what is best for you. Try to remember the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt "Nobody can make you feel inferior *without* your consent."

Koko, thanks for taking so much time to answer me. I am insulin resistant (but only partially now, was serious before), with severely damaged adrenal glands.

I used to body build and do more cardio then I like to think about. I ran two hours a day on 800 calories, trying not to gain weight, and I still did. I did every competition diet and training regimen you can possibly imagine, to try to lose this weight or even stop it from happening. I have no idea fo why it suddenly started, aside of quitting smoking.

I just stopped going to the gym again after trying for a couple of weeks. I was getting too exhausted, and I could tell my body was not ready yet. I had started losing weight exceptionally slowly awhile after I stopped the gym. I felt better and thought since I was again losing, I could kick start it by training again. When I started again, my weight rebounded and I gained even more then I lost. This was with no changes in diet, just going to the gym made it worse.

I take very long hikes with my dogs every day to the river. I walk at a good clip and walk for at least an hour a day with them. My body tolerates this well. I also work in the construction industry and install ceramic tiles. It is labor intenisive manual work. I can't work at the same pace I used to, but I keep improving slowly. I do get burn out periods during the day and I try to eat something when I feel like that even if I am not hungry.

Rosa what a good description you made. I do agree with what you said, but I just mourn the loss of my body. I have a trophy husband and woman shamelessly come on to him all the time. He is the best man in the world, and understands I have a health problem. He always said something was no right since I was gaining when I should not have been. I just used to work so hard to be sexy and beautiful and now I am just big and fat. I know I should not talk like this about myself, but my looks and weight are my biggest stresses in life. Everything else is great aside of my big old butt.

I guess I am having one of those bad days we all seem to have. I do not second guess what I am doing, but I amk so scared that this won't work and I will be fat forever.