Losing the battle
 

Hi Guys,
Yes it's me again <sigh> I am not sure what I want to post here today as I feel so down and stupid anymore. I just can not get my rear off the ground, I know once I get my rear going Im okay but getting past the first few days just has not happened.

I started Low-carb back in November of 2000 and I was doing great till the holiday rolled around and kicked my butt! I had lost 45 or so pounds rather quickly (less than 2 months) then I gained back 35 <sigh> Then I went back on and off losing here gaining there but always seeing a downward number till I had managed 76 pounds lost. about September of 2001, then here came the holidays and lack of will and motivation. and the struggle continued on. a few days on a few days off and so on till I am sitting here today and its only 9:30 am and I have managed to eat a half pound of chocolates and feel like a monster :mad:

Last week I bought 10 pounds of Ribeyes , 5 pounds of Bacon and a case of kilbasa sausages (natural)

asked the kids to bring them in the house and put them in the fridge so I could vac-pack them and freeze in serving sizes...

went to the fridge day 1 and guess what THEY PUT THEM IN THE FREZEER!!! So now I have a 10 pound block of ribeye steaks UGH... so Off I went to eat what ever was around :(

I just feel like Im losing this battle very fast, and its not that I dont want this I want it more than anything, I can find a million excuses to just throw in the towel..

Like I dont even own a stove...
My Fridge is a piece of garbage and doesnt work right....
Money is a BIG issue....
LACK OF WILL....
and these are just a few....


I have limited mobility and limited resources but I want so despretley for this to work! But I guess like I know I HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK....

Okay I am done ranting... I am so unprepared and I have to get busy with this .....One meal at a time....


PS. Did I mention I used a hospital scale and it weighed me 50 pounds more than I was 2 months ago on the scale I have been using YIKES!!! Im so depressed!!!! :(

I know this can be hard, but I know you can do this.

Just take one day at a time, one step at a time. Make small changes and before you know it you will be doing it.

I think it's important that you take a little time for you -- maybe just a quiet walk or curl up with a good book -- something that will relax you.

I know my daughter tries to help and stuffs everything in the freezer -- I've had to say -- don't touch the meat!!! Now she calls me her cave woman mamma because I buy so much meat.

Don't give up -- you can vent here, we will listen and understand and encourage you -- this site has been such an encouragement to me, I know it will be for you too.

Be nice to you -- you deserve it and you are worth it.

Well there you are...
 

Goddess! Welcome back... :wave:

I was aware that I hadn't seen any posts from you in a while and was wondering about your progress. I'm sorry to hear that it's been so tough for you lately.

I know this is not the most important issue in your post, but I'll address the frozen food blocks first... It's great that you're buying in bulk and that you freeze serving size portions. I do that too and it's smart. I also know that it's a bit of a hassle to do after you get home from shopping which can be physically taxing. But it must be done. At first I found it was easier to do this while seated rather than standing at the kitchen counter. Much less fatiguing this way. I'm happy to report that my back no longer aches, so I'm a demon in the kitchen! ;)

I know that money is an issue for you, so I hope you won't consider the frozen food blocks wasted. What you have to do is cook it all and reheat leftovers for a while. Steak reheats nicely with eggs in the morning, and keilbasa does too. Both are fine served cold in a salad as well. This might not be the way you had invisioned eating your provisions, but they need not go to waste. You'll feel a sense of accomplishment if you deal with this and eat that food! And accomplishments lead to more accomplishments and more control...

I know how upsetting the scale can be too. I had to hold on to the wall when my scale read 426.5. I wanted to hide...seriously. But I decided instead to buck up and accept responsibility for myself. I openly admitted my weight here on this board and to my doctor. Today I'm within kissing distance of dipping below the 400 mark and hitting my first mini goal by March 1st. I feel empowered. I know you can do it too.

It sounds like you have many pressures and stresses in your life. Money, health, family...but you need to try to place taking care of yourself first. It's not selfish to do so. And a simplistic as it sounds, try to find a substitute for eating when you feel emotional or depressed. If you could just channel that energy into something else, you might find the strength you need to get back on this WOE and on the road to recovery again!

Keep posting! You have support here!

Donald :D

Hi Goddess,

I too am sorry to hear about your recent struggles, and would like to say something profound and meaningful, but DW has pretty well covered all of the bases rather eloquently.

Like DW, I needed smelling salts after getting the courage to finally weigh myself at my heaviest. I was in denial that I was really that big. I would only look at myself in the mirror "straight on", and would avoid side views at all costs.

I too have had many struggles and disappointments as I'm sure everyone here has. As it has been said here many times; You just have to get back up, start again, and never give up. It takes courage to get back up after falling off the wagon, but we must do it if we are to succeed. You have only failed when you quit trying.

I would just like to add that you are among friends, and we are all here to support you.

Hello Goddess,

Sounds like you need a big hug :there:

I think DW gave you some good advice. Now, hop back up here on this wagon with us.

Remember, we are all here for you. Everyone falls sometimes. But, don't let this frozen meat thing become an excuse to put things off. You can do it!


cimart ;)

Hello Goddess
 

Hi Goddess:

I feel your pain my friend. Everyone has given you great advice.

About the limited mobility. My mom is very limited in mobility. She bought the wonderful tape that does exercises in a chair. She goes through the routine on a daily basis and has really gained strength.

Let me know if you want more information.

Dee

You can do this...just make it so.

Goddess
 

I've never been so humbled than I am by reading your post and the post of DW. I think often times we get wrapped up in our own struggles and forget that everyone needs encouragement and that weight loss is such a difficult thing to master.

I certainly send all the best prayers and wishes I can muster your way. It truly is a one day at a time process and we're given a new day every 24 hours! Isn't that great!!??

I do have a suggestion for you about the shopping. I don't know if you have a Costco, Sams, BJ type store near you, but if you do, they often have a service called Fax and Pull. You can call or fax your order to them and they can have it ready for you to pick up. All you do is inspect the items to make sure it's what you want and pay and leave! If it's available to you, it will make shopping SO much easier leaving you more energy to deal with the packaging up at home.

Take a deep breath, smile and charge into this again tomorrow.

I'm so proud to be part of a forum that has such intelligent, caring people!

Lisa
I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again.” — Stephen Grellet, 18th/19th-century French/American religious leader

You deserve to be healthy and happy
 

Dear goddess,
I just wanted to encourage you a little. So many people have said so many good things already but your post really touched my heart.
I feel your struggle. I have been battling with my weight for the last five years though I have been somewhat over weight all of my life. Only in the past five years have I been held back by my weight, my current weight of 315 is interfering with the quality of my life. I am not happy at this weight. When I started this WOE I was angry at myself for letting myself get to this point, and then I learned that I had a carb addiction (the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet) and It was not just about my lack of self control.

I had to apologize to my self for all of the horrible things that I had said to myself about getting fat. I was my own worst critic. Nobody was as cruel to me than me. All that to say that you need to forgive yourself for all the mean and cruel things you have said to yourself. Goddess, you deserve to be healthy and happy, but with all the bad things you have said to your self what you are really saying is that you don’t deserve to be healthy and happy. You have to change the way you talk to your self. You deserve to be healthy and happy. This process of losing weight is going to take a long time but in the meantime you need to be your own biggest supporter. You deserve to be healthy.

When you make a commitment to yourself that you are going to get healthy; then every single day before the first bite of food goes in you mouth remind yourself that you deserve to be healthy. Goddess you have to fight only yourself to lose weight. You have a challenging situation with finances and mobility, but you STILL deserve to be healthy! I wish you well; we all share your struggle and we all want you to be successful.

Please take some time for yourself each day before you take your first bite of food and tell yourself that you deserve to be healthy and happy. God bless you. :bhug:
Cass

Hi Goddess ! :wave:
Glad to see you post again. Im sorry to hear about your recent struggles but I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you. We DO understand what pains you are going through and want to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
I also recently was depressed with the slowdown I was experiencing and came to understand a little bit more about the psychology behind why I failed. When I would get depressed, I would eat something that was bad for me (Im a chocolate hound)
so I would eat a bag of mini-bars (Milkyway's to be exact). Then I would be "satisfied" for about 10 minutes and start feeling guilty.
I figgured since I had already fell off the wagon, then why not go ahead and have more bad food choices, then one led to another, etc. So thank God I did notice this from a different perspective after the weekend of Overdosing on Carbs and decided that the way I felt was not worth eating those foods. I feel much better when I get rid of most of the carbs. Especially the bad ones..

Anyways, everyone has really said most of the other things I wanted to share so I'll wrap up. Good luck and we'll be thinking of you !!
Craig

Keep you chin up!
 

Hi Goddess,

I know how you feel about the difficulties of life vs the WOL.
I've had a few weeks off - but I can tell you that it wasn't that much fun!
Sure I didn't have to think about food - but I was sick and tired all the time - now thats not how we are supposed to live!

The members of the forum will be here - for when you want to come back!

LC_Dave

:daizy: :rose:

Hugs to you....
 

Goddess,

I know everyone has said such wonderful and encouraging things, but I also felt compelled to send some as well. I know what it's like to struggle with weight....I know the lies we tell ourselves and I know how hard we can be on ourselves. Don't be so hard on yourself. The best words of advice that I cling to are ONE DAY AT A TIME! If I slip.....okay...get back as quickly as possible. I have used food and smoking to cover my pain and disappointment for years, but now I have quite smoking and I am low carbing my way to a better life. I am thankful for a place like this that we can come to and share and support eachother in our efforts to lose weight and become healthier.

I send a great big hug to you Goddess :there: and remember each day is a new day to begin again. :angel:

Happy2lose

Dear Goddess,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Just keep on trying. Do the best you can and think one meal at a time. Eat to get healthy and don't worry about what the scales say at this point. Just make sure you eat enough protein, add some salads and drink your water. Don't buy chocolates or any obvious no-no's. It helps me if I don't have my "weaknesses" around. If I buy goodies for the kids, I try to make sure it's something that I can resist. As a result, they are eating much better as well.

Hope you find your strength and continue on. ;) We are all cheering you on, if that helps. And remember what Cassborn said...you deserve to be healthy. We should all take that to heart! :thup: Victoria