"He said she had a fat" ...err...
 

The size of my posterior has always been an issue for me. That's thanks in part to the Gene Fairy being over generous in that general area. I am curvy, and over average height (5'6"). So the fact that I have to work to keep it from getting out of hand has always been something I've been VERY up front with everyone about.

I spent a year waiting for my boyfriend to come back from Iraq. Hoping everyday that he'd come home safe. i.e. sans bullet holes in vital organs. Well he did come home in late April 2004. At which time he started sleeping with his childhood friend's wife.

Prior to his return, I had made it extremely clear to him that I was working very hard to be sure that I was sex on legs for him. I mean.. what guy wouldn't want to come home to a beautiful sexy woman as opposed to a large walking rear end! Prior to his return I had managed to work myself down to about 165 pounds and was really looking forward to our vacation to Myrtle Beach at the end of May. (I didn't know that the affair was going on at this point -- even while we were on vacation).

So he knew that I had bum issues. That I was working hard to look good -- for him (wrong reason I know).

Fast forward to the end of June. I find out about the affair with the help of the husband of other person involved in it (jerk's childhood friend). We start talking about everything. And since then have become the best of friends.

One day, the husband went out to meet the evil wench for dinner with her friends. The wife gets up to go to the bathroom and the husband looks at the friends and says, "wow that girl at the table behind us looks just like Heather". Apparently the friend's reaction was, "wow. I didn't think she was that attractive. The Jerk said she had a really fat ass."

So why does this matter? I guess it doesn't in a lot of ways. Obviously I don't really care what he says about me since he's a lying, cheating, home wrecking sack of crap. But the fat girl inside of me. The one that has spent YEARS trying not to be the lonely kid on the playground everyone else used to point and laugh at, has heard what's been said about me. And it hurts.

In a lot of ways, I think my decision to start a LC WOE has to do with the desire to never be the person someone can say that about again. I know it's going to take some time, but I'll get there.

:( I'm sorry you've had to put up with such treatment.

I hope he got a good swift kick to the curb. And I hope the wench's hubby beat the crap out of him when he found out about the affair.

:there: :there:

:bhug: :bhug:

Wow - that's all I can say about that $%#^&&%#$ - Wow....

When I had my second son I was a single mom and I started dating this guy when my son was about 4 months old. I was going to break it off with him and ran into a mutual friend who said that he'd told people that he thought I was too fat - excuse me, just had a baby?!?!? Anyway, I hear what you're saying and know how you feel. I've got quite the caboose, myself (see my gallery :lol: :lol: ).

I guess whatever can get you motivated and kickstart your new WOE can be useful, right?

This guy isn't worth wiping your shoes on, IMO. Weeeellll, MAYBE after you stepped in doggy doo-doo :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Just be glad you didn't marry him and he's out of your life, you'll be a bit more particular next time around and will end up with an awesome guy.

I sure hope you run into him when you're at goal, hon ;) ;) ;)

Heather, ya know, you really are better off without him. What an idiot. He doesn't deserve you.

You've done great so far and you will get there.

Ignore what he said. He's probably trying to make you look bad to himself so he feels better about himself and what he did. He knows you are insecure about your appearance and he took advantage of that fact. That's cruel.

You know you look good. We all have particular body parts we're not fond of.... I have a stomach that look like chicken skin. Blech. But if any guy ever comments on it negatively, he's toast. Last thing I need is for someone I'm with to take down my self esteem. I only want people in my life who are supportive.

We all have our reasons for starting and continuing this WOL. Do it for yourself and no one else because you are worth it.

Take care, Julie

The Jerk needs his reasons
 

He has to justify his behavior to himself--one way to do that is to make you the wicked witch. Doesn't make it right; it's just what people who cheat do. He can hardly tell his friends that he's cheating on a bombshell, can he?

Makes you wonder what happened when the other guys at the table went back to him and said, "You're out of your mind!!!"

I'm not so sure your friend did you a favor by reporting this, however.

I found the book The Gift of Fear, by Gavin De Becker, very helpful for learning to identify creeps and other time-wasting men early, before they have a chance to affect my life.

Good luck.

Man! I guess even fighting for our country didn't make him a real man.
A REAL man loves your body WHATEVER size it is. A real GREAT man worships your body, and especially it's lovely curves.
And, he would NEVER do anything to hurt you, like cheating. His thoughts should be too busy with how lovely you are.
All the other "men" are not worthy of your attention and should not bring you down. Especially the ones who have fallen from your good grace as a result of their inferiority.
If you want a partner, find yourself someone who worships you. No lovely and commited girl such as yourself deserves any less.
Just refuse to look down on yourself, and if you still feel bad, pretend you don't. A good friend once gave me this great advice: "fake it till you make it."

Speaking as one who has been stepped out upon (ex husband) when they are cheating, they have to have reasons. So they just make them up.
It's all about him -- to call him a Jerk is to praise him with faint damns -- and nothing about you.

I'm telling you this in kindness. :) You don't need friends like "the husband". A real friend doesn't pass on gossip and hurtful comments. How is telling you this beneficial in any way?

Karen

I am very sad to hear that you had to go through this. You sound like an incredibly kind and loving person and there is no way you deserved it. But sometimes jerks like your ex feed off the kindness of women like us, only to betray us in the end.

One thing that struck me was when you mentioned you told him you were losing weight so you could be "sex on legs" for him. When you tell men stuff like this it makes them believe that you are living only to impress them. Thus, they feel they have a hold on you can treat you whatever way they want. As a result, maybe he saw you as someone who couldn't get anyone better than him (which is NOT true, btw) and felt that no matter what he dished out to you, you would accept it. When you bend over backward to please a man (ie: lose weight for him to desire you) he loses interest and finds another woman who is less emotionally dependant on him.

So, when you find your next guy, please don't tell them that you are losing weight for them or are trying to please them in anyway. Believe me, I speak from experience! This will only set you up for heartache. Lose weight for yourself and *only* yourself. And in the future, let a guy call you and tell you all the wonderful self-improvements he's doing to impress YOU. Not the other way around. You deserve that kind of bliss, girl (and you will have it). Any guy worth your time will want to impress you whether you weigh 120lbs or 450lbs. Your appearance will make no difference to him.

And, btw, any guy who can't see past your butt is only blinded by the fact that his head is thrust up his own butt. Don't put up with that kind of stupidity :)

Heather, I'm so sorry! Most of us have been there, and can relate very easily with your story. The thing I don't get is that if you're around 5'6 and weighed about 165 at the time, I don't see how in the world your butt could have been super enormous! I've got an ample backside, and WISH I weighed 165 right now...I would really be feeling good about myself if I did. My point is that you looked fantastic (I have no doubt). He just said that because he knew what a source of pain it had been for you in the past. Maybe he even guessed that the husband would relay the message back to you and cause you more pain. So sorry! Just know that you're doing great and anyone should BE so lucky to have you!

I really want to thank all of you for your kind words. Sometimes it's hard to not think about the bad side of things.

The reason the husband relayed the story to me in the first place is because he thought it was so ridiculous he couldn't help but laugh at it. I guess I should have added that part in the first place. He really has become my best friend and we have learned to lean on each other for emotional support through this whole huge mess. I don't believe he'd ever do or say anything to hurt me -- at least not on purpose.