Peoples Comments Boon and bane
 

You know I love getting a "wow, you lost weight" comment when I haven't seen someone for a long time. Its not that I have to have this, but its kind of a reward, I could easily do without, I have strong self esteeme and don't need the puff, but I enjoy it when it happens.

On the other hand, Someone made the comment the other day about how well I did on Atkins and I should have stuck with it, because I did so well. I had to inform them that I never stopped and are still seeing losses. Though I am averaging about a pound a week, some weeks two, it felt as if it had all been for naught. Comment just took the wind from my sails.

I am not changing my lifestyle for back pats, but don't you just hate when they sweep your feet from under you.

Its amazing how someone can change how you feel. I had a boss that used to play a game he let me in on. He would take a woman from the front office, that might be on the heavy side, and for a week he would complement her on how much weight she lost even thought they hadn't really. After about a week of preening her, he would one day tell her in front of others (so he could get the most rise from the joke) that suddenly it looked like she had put it all back on, as if magically overnight. Sometimes he would get others in on the joke, it was like this cruel little game.

Yea he was a smuck, agreed.. But I was always at a impass, How could I tell them he was being cruel and were victims of a joke, as they were always so pumped up by the preening I hated to be the bad guy and be the one to crush them.

Most of his victems would smile him off, others though they new it was crap would still listen, but most everyone broke down at the end of the joke or became very humilated.

It was a very cruel thing, and he got extreme pleasure at it. Most of the other men either were indiffernt or chuckled along with the rest. There was a few of us, who were not amused, and let him know it, and is proably why we never got along to well.

But its amazing how much somones comments can be so harmful..

Schmuck is not the word I'd use for your former boss. Something a little stronger, like harasser comes to mind. Do you live in the U.S.? If so, his behavior could be considered sexual harassment.

Is this person still employed at your company? If so, I hope someone reports him to HR and if nothing is done, someone should file a complaint with the EEOC. That is cruel and humiliating. Behavior at someone's expense like that should never be tolerated in the workplace.

As an overweight working woman, I would have appreciated a 'heads up' from you about his little game. it may have been embarassing from you but much better than the public humiliation of his comments later.

At least you know how words can hurt.

I could not agree with you more Dave. People's remarks have a way of cutting to your bones, even though I know inside I should not let others attitudes affect me, they do.....what can I say..I'm human.
I have an aunt who reminds me of your cruel boss. I had lost almost 6 pounds at one point as was feeling invincibe, awesome, generally on a low carb high. I felt great. THEN...we saw my aunt at a dinner party, where she was telling my mother about her recent 10 lb weight loss (on WW). As sonn as I walked up to say hello she looks at me and says, "I've lost 10 lbs, but Bebe, look how fat you look!" Then she chuckled about it as pulled the dagger out of my heart and continued on with her conversation. I was so humiliated. My ballon had been popped. I could feel myself sinking with every heartbeat. It really hit me low.

I'm sure this aunt of mine has completely forgoten about her comment and I should have too. But ican't, it stays with me. I use it now though to motivate myself because as a matter of fact, she gained back her 10 lbs and some.....but I would never mention it...it's not worth her feeling like I did, too.

This was some time ago, So I was allot younger then, I am not sure where this person is employed now, haven't seen him in over 10 years. Me and him were not exactly friends as you can imagine, so my job was always shaky so I had to be careful where I stepped. THis was back in the early nineties, and the company was an offshoot of a much larger company.

One of the reasons we butted heads so much was because I voiced my displeasure over it and other things. There really wasn't much of an HR department to turn to back then, I did what I could then.

I didn't bring up the point to upset you friend, I understand how cruel this was. I always hated what he did, but it taught me a valuable lessen early on. How much comments can hurt, and how careful you need to be when you give them. As a supervisor now I agree with you, he should have been strung up. Its people like this laws are made up for. I remember when once my wife was in a horrible accident, and was on life support on a friday. He told me that he expected me in to work for Saturday for overtime that I agreed to. He explained that if I didn't I would loose my job and all my health benifits, and then what would I do to pay for the lifesupport bills. With a 2 year old son, my hands were tied, I went to work on Saturday and visited my wife that night. People can be mean...its just life..

Luckly my wife survived, Bless her heart, and all is well again. Sorry didn't mean to stray...

But its just comments can effect you so greatly its amazing, just a little "way to go" can change your day...

What a flippin' JERK????

If I saw someone doing something like that I would go off! What an idiot. Obviously this guy has issues.

I know what you mean about really caring about peoples comments.

Have you ever had someone NOT comment, when you know that they totally notice. Sometimes that is just as bad.

Wee

Amen, Dave!

It is important for people to develop self confidence that is separate from physical appearance. But it's hard when our society seems to value only the young, thin, and beautiful. We are second class citizens in many people's eyes.

I remember a woman I worked with about 15 years ago who used to have a near phobia about overweight people. She'd make ugly comments about them, but then turn to me and say, "but you aren't that way. I don't see you as fat." I lost track of her when I changed jobs.

What a hoot it was to run into her a couple of months back. She was fat! The gods had played a cruel joke on her! That's true justice! :D

It amazes me, how cruel people can be. I have a boss who thinks the worst thing you can be is "fat" (to her, it rates up there with being an ax murderer.) She doesnt understand, the worst thing you can be is a judgemental Bi**h. One day, I secretly hope one of my over weight brothers or sisters will let her have it!!! Till then I must bite my tongue................ :p

What goes around comes around - I hope that insensitive jerk gets his someday - it brought tears to my eyes even thinking that someone could be that cruel. Since this is a public forum, I certainly can't say the words I'd like to, but I'm sure you all can imagine.

Vikki

Pay attention to the words you speak today. Your words are the evidence of your heart, for the mouth speaks the things that are in the heart. As the fruit of a tree tells what kind of tree it is, your words tell what kind of person you are inside. Your words have the power to crush or restore, to tear down or build up, to demoralize or encourage. This is an important lesson for all of us. We cannot control the words of others, but we can control ours. So when someone says hurtful things to you, try to remember they are full of hurt themselves & find pity for the state of their heart. Speak a blessing to someone today.
God Bless,
Amy-Lynne

I Hate that! It makes me so angry!! I had a similar situation on the weekend when I stopped in at a local grocery store. I had been feeling very good about myself, and was walking across the parking lot, when a car load of teenagers got out - one of them was like 'hey - I want to get with *YOU*'... then they all started laughing cruelly, and drove away... I can't begin to tell you how much this got me down. I have had so much worst said to me over the years, but because i was feeling better about myself, his stupid little comment really stung. I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend, and about how hurtful people can be, and what makes them behave like that...

I could write a book about this subject, I swear.

I have always struggled with my weight, but I never was "obese" (I have that word) until in my mid 20s.

When I weighed 187 in college and was on the Blackburn diet to lose some weight, my dad (who was always verbally abusive when he was drinking), was teasing me about my weight, and said I was going to "fat school." That hurt to the core. I was able to get down to 142 on that diet and felt better than ever. Anyway, I've managed to double my weight since.

I've been moo'd at, had weird looks at the gym, had cruel things yelled at me from teenagers/men, and lil kids saying "Mommy, that's a big lady." You can't blame the little kids. They are so honest and innocent; however, grown people know better.

To me, the people that do this do not feel secure or good about themselves, so they have to put others down to make themselves feel better. You can cure fat, but ya can't cure a mean heart or "ugly."

Every person who is overweight, is that way for a reason. Strangers do not know me, they do not know what I have been through, and if they want to be ignorant and judge me, so be it.

I am doing something to improve myself, and make myself healthier and more attractive to ME. Luckily I have a boyfriend who loves me the way I am now, and he will reap the benefits of the thin me as much as I will. ;) As for the people who can't accept me as I am now.. they can go you know where, and I don't want anything to do with them ever.