Back from the 'other side' (long)
 

I’m back. I haven’t posted much here in the last few months, because I am just coming off a relapse that lasted several months. I wanted to write about my experiences, both to reinforce my own recovery and maybe to help someone else who might be going through some rough patches. This post is kind of long, so I thank you for bearing with me. I started Atkins on 7/8/02 and for the first six months did very well, losing around 60 lbs. Around the first of the year I started experimenting with low carb recipes. I went kind of “nuts” buying unsweetened baking chocolate and cocoa, nuts, almond flour, low carb baking mix, etc. I started experimenting with low carb cookies, candies and cheesecakes. I baked a lot of Atkins muffins. I ate a lot of bars. While my carb count generally hovered around 35/day, my calories went up from an average of 1300-1500 to 1800-2000. My weight loss stalled and then I slowly started gaining. At first, I just coasted, thinking the weight would start coming off again. After all, other people were losing on 1800 calories per day! I was really in denial. From January to April, I only lost an additional 8 lbs. I started to get discouraged. I started to be less and less vigilant with my food plan. I started to eat a high-carb item here and there, not enough to totally blow everything, but just enough to play games with my mind and my body. The weight started creeping up. My clothes started to get tight. Then my clothes no longer fit. When I went to the doctor in early October, I found myself 30 lbs heavier, my blood pressure was high, my blood work was scary. And I was no longer feeling good. The hives I used to suffer from came back. My mood was terrible. I was grumpy and depressed. I stopped taking my supplements. I stopped exercising. I started to get that familiar hopeless feeling that being overweight always gave me. And worst of all, I was fighting food cravings all the time. The monster had returned! The pastry tray at work I would have no trouble passing by last year was tormenting me. It was a constant battle that I started to lose with more and more frequency. It was awful. My lowest point was probably when I ate a whole loaf of fruit cake at my mom's house one night! I knew if I didn’t take decisive action soon, I would regain all my weight and be right back where I was before. Thankfully, the doctor’s visit was a huge wake-up call for me. I knew I needed to rededicate myself to Atkins. I started back on track the beginning of this month. I feel great. My hives went away. I am wearing a dress today that didn’t fit me last month, so although I haven’t weighed myself, I know I am losing the weight I gained. My goal is to be lighter than my posted forum weight of 182 by Christmas, which would mean I’ve lost all the weight I’ve gained during the past few months.

What have I learned during this past year? First of all, I cannot afford to relax my vigilance at all. There are just some things I have to stay away from. I can’t bake low-carb sweets, at least not for now. I have to limit my calories. I have to stay away from the bars, the low carb chocolate, excess cheese and nuts. I have to stick to Atkins to the letter. I can’t allow myself deviations. I can’t handle it. I have to take my supplements. I have to work in more exercise. If I stick to Atkins, my food cravings will be under control. Indeed, I won’t have any. My mood will be on an even keel. I will be healthier. I will feel better and in control. I won’t be hungry all the time. I have to remember that everyone is different. Just because some people can eat low carb at 2000 calories a day and lose weight, doesn’t mean I can. I have to do what works for me.

I am very grateful that I was able to catch myself before I gained all my weight plus back. I have a ways to go till I lose the weight I gained, and till I get to my short-term and long-term goals, but I am determined to hold fast to the low carb lifestyle till I get there, and also beyond there. I just feel so much better when I do! Thanks for listening.

MayLisa

Welcome back, and way to go! There is a lot to be learned from your story.

MaryLisa:

Thank you for posting that story. I am "beginning to lose my vigilance" a tiny bit, and I needed to hear what you had to say.

Kay

me toooo! lately i can't go a week without cheating. and so i gained the few lbs i'd lost.

you are right - for some of us, it's just pretty much got to be straight simple stuff. i used to have the will power of a saint, but now all it takes is a bout of laziness & i'm ordering a pizza.

I too have discouvered those bars and I am not losing. As of today no more for me. A couple of weeks ago I tried low carb breads--making them myself-- never found one I was happy with. Also my loss stalled so now I am living without and just going back to square one.
angie

Hi MayLisa and welcome back! Thanks for your wonderful story about your long journey! I to have started experimenting with low carb sweet recipes and it has gotten me into trouble! Thanks for making me realize that I really do need to stop making these and just stick to regular foods. Good luck with this WOL.

Erin

Thank you very much for sharing your story with us. It is very important to hear the ups and the downs that we may experience on our journey. Thanks and welcome back.

Wonderful post MayLisa, thank you for sharing it with us.

It's interesting that we strive so hard to find "normal" and our own piece of sanity and discover that our normal is not the same as the next persons.

You know what it is for you now. Congratulations! :D

Karen

I Totally Understand!
 

Hello! When I read your post I was thinking "That just about could have been me writing that!" I too, like you have not been around for the last few months. I began Atkins in March of 2003 and went from 165 to 150. I slacked off beginning in July, around my birthday and just recommitted myself on Monday (so I'm just 4 days into induction). I can't fit into my clothes which is very depressing, but like you, I also need to reaffirm that I am the only one who can change the way things are and that I too cannot deny what carbs do to my body and how much healthier and how much better I feel when I am restricting my carbs and following Dr. Atkins plan & advice.

So lets take this day to reaffirm the Atkins way of life - I'm glad that I saw this post and have now met somebody with a story that I can totally relate with. We're going to shed those extra pounds and we're going to be proud of ourselves for facing the facts that we've been avoiding and now we have taken our health into our own hands.

I also did not exercise in the past but I have joined the YMCA on Monday and tonight I will have a full body composition / health test that they provide for free. I'm looking forward to it as it will also help me see exactly what kind of shape I'm in. I will begin exercising and can't wait until I gain some muscle mass and tone up this thing that has begun to grow from my stomach - I think it's called a "spare tire" :-)

Well, anyway, keep up the great work and hope to hear about your progress!

Thank you for the post, Maylisa. You have been through a lot and will be stronger for it. Losing weight is hard and keeping it off can be hard, too. I don't say that to discourage anyone. It is worth the effort - but it is work! One poster mentioned getting lazy. That is true of me, too. It is so easy to pick up that junk. Well, some of us simply don't have that latitute. We have to stay on course 99.99% of the time. This time of year can be tough, too. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's: here they come! Let's be strong, remember what makes us feel good and GO FOR IT! :) :) :)

Welcome back hun... this place has kept me in line... Each time i think about cheating... I say ... If they can all do it .. then so can I!
Congratulations on your decision to stick with it...

Yeah, I needed to read this one as well. I just came back from a week trip, and I'm not sure if I was doing maintanence or more, but it definitely was backsliding. So far I haven't given in to a full-blown carb blowout, but the temptation has been very bad. :eek: Plus this week I can't seem to get my butt in gear to exercise :yawn: (though I have my exercise clothes in my car for walk-running and yoga this afternoon).

Your post is a wake-up call I needed to hear today! Thanks a bundle!

Thanks for sharing your story and the honesty that goes with it. So often we hide ourselves from even ourselves, if you know what I mean. That was the kind of eater I was--never really acknowledging what went into my mouth, and often out of control. Thanks also for the warning about those bars; thankfully I haven't gotten into them, but have messed a bit with shakes and sf chocolate. Like you, having none is easier than some, knowing it's in the house.

Keep going--we're pulling for you!

I'm so happy you woke up before it got too far. It's only human to try to get around certain things, but it takes a mature person to realize when the getarounds don't work, and do something about it!
Thank you for sharing, it took some courage. I wish you all the best.