self-esteem
 

WHY does my self-esteem have to be SO tied to my weight? I usually feel pretty good about myself, my wonderful family, and my life...then out of nowhere you get sucker-punched! My wl is going OK!...not very fast compared to some, but since we are still messing with my thyroid dose I expected slow results. Anyway, we have a wedding to attend this weekend. When this happens I generally go out the day before and go to every department store and try to squeeze into the largest petite size (I'm short & heavy!). I don't buy anything I love just something that fits! This time I'm not going to waste my money. I was down to 2 outfits...one the buttons are short of popping...not flattering and another fall suit (skirt & top)...which looks pretty nice, but not what I had in mind.

I just feel awful when I think of all of my dh friends slender wives in their sexy little cocktail dresses at the wedding while I wear my matronly suit. I know I have so much to offer, but I am already dreading the event because of my weight and yet again I will be the "heavy" spouse.

I truly get anxiety attacks when I go to these events (especially when I haven't seen people in a long time) because I feel like everyone is thinking "boy is she fat!"

I know I should look on the positive side...I am losing, but sometimes it just gets me down!

Thanks for listening to my vent! I am intelligent woman and I know my self-esteem shouldn't be tied to the numbers on the scale, but it is!

Take care,
Elle

It IS hard. I understand.

One of those "low-tech" tricks to stop those negative thoughts... the old rubber-band-around-the-wrist technique. Not elegant but effective. Wear a rubberband around one wrist. Whenever one of those self-depricating thoughts starts rolling, SNAP it, HARD!

Remember the old saying.."You wouldn't worry about what others think of you, if you realized how seldom they DO!" They're probably so busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of THEM, they don't have time to worry about what size you are....

Thanks potatofree! You always make such wonderful contributions to this board! I appreciate your feedback and you're right that they are surely thinking about many other things than how I look in my dress!

ouchie! potatofree! that sounds painful! I'm a wimp, I'd be SNAPPING and crying all the time! :cry:

ELLE,
you are not alone in the wedding dress thing. Guess what? I have a 20th high school reunion in a few weeks, I've lost exactly ONE POUND in three weeks and I went dress shopping the other day.
Honestly, low self esteem doesn't even cover it. I wanted to die. You can check out the story in my journal, if you'd like. It's actually pretty funny in a sad, sad way.

Hang in there! Wear something you'll be comfortable in and dance all night and have a good time! I know easy to say, hard to do. Well, I'll be thinking about you, and no....I still don't have a dress for reunion, yet.

Jasmine

Wow these self esteme posts hit so close to home for me. I have the same issues...at my DH christmas parties.....the other wives look amazing in their floor length gowns ( its a very formal affair) I, no matter how I look ,am always the fattest wife there....big sigh!!!...this year will be different..I hope....I have lost 75 lbs...im a size 14..but to be honest I still hate the thought of seeing all those wives again....Low self esteme is hard to give up.its like a shield we have to hide from ourselves.....
I wish you luck.....and go to the wedding with pride.....You do have alot to offer....and you are loosing!!!...
be happy.....and have fun!

I know exactly how you feel.. Im already dreading, and trying to figure out a way to get out of the "Christmas Family thing" with my DH's side of the family! LOL Mainly his Grandmothers house.. She was always heavy, and now shes a diabetic, and on dialisys, and shes gotten thin over the past 2 years from cutting out basically everything sugar ect.. And shes sooo NASTY! She has the meanest comments to make with the most innocent smile across her face as it comes out.. Ugh everytime I get around her all she talks about is how "pretty" my sister in law is.. Ok so shes like a size 4 after popping out 4 kids in a row, but to be honest, she isnt that pretty LOL shes just skinny! My mother in law who isnt married to her son anymore, always hated going there, because of her biting comments.. I almost think she gets a rise out of saying nasty things to people. Personally I think its the "Bully Syndrome" .. Years of being overweight and not having that much of a pretty face has taken its toll on her I suppose, and she says hurtful things to make herself feel better. Atleast thats what I tell myself.. hehehe...

PF is right, they will most likely be worried about themselves and what everyone else is thinking about them.. Lets face it, when it comes to Catty women, it wouldnt matter if your 10 pounds heavier, or 100 pounds heavier.. They will attack reguardless... lol

We had family pictures at church tues night. My suits are to big. My nice pants to small so had to wear the only pair of pants thats realy fits right now (Either to big or to little) I felt like a heal. All the familys dressed up and us dressed casual since I had not clothes. It all just makes me feel huge.

crap Ian, that's worse than me having the nervous breakdown in the dressing room the other day! I think everyone should get a free pass for social events due to "nothing to wear." Either that, or we could just show up in jammies.

I also have this fantasy that I end plane wrecked up on an island ala Tom Hanks (and miraculously my ketostix don't get wet!)with my Henckels and a few cases of Evian and I don't get rescued for six months and bing! everybody is very happy to see me and I am thirty pounds lighter and all the clothes in the store fit for my big "welcome home jasmine" party!
Well, that's my fantasy, anyway.

--jasmine

I dont understand how we can be living better loosing weight and still feel bigger than ever...... Maybee its 15 years of being told I am fat. I never cared before but now that I am doing this again I feel like it stuck this time. Plus after that first 20 to 3o lbs all the fat feels loose not firn anymore.

I'm down 28lbs and I still feel like the fat one. Attending my brother's parties really suck. Every holiday he has them no matter how small the event. And I swear even at a size 14 I'm the biggest one there! Everyone of their friends and mine are all small. I often come up with excuses just because everything I try on I feel I look huge. I've faked sick so many times now that they are suprised when I do go.

Jbbrennan-- then you'd think even HARDER before mentally abusing yourself, wouldn't you?

Another "Dr Phil-ism" is "What would you do if you had a friend who constantly called you fat, ugly, nit-picked everything you ate, everything you wore, constantly told you you were not GOOD enough, too FAT to be worthy of a compliment..etc.?"

You'd likely dump them in short order... so why take that abuse from YOURSELF?

Wow, it is very sobering to read everyone's replies...it really helps to know I am not alone. I guess it just goes to show that weight loss isn't just about what you eat, you also have to deal with all of the other emotional stuff. I think if I ever get thin, but don't deal with the other "stuff" you will still live with the same insecurities. I need to look at this wl as a healing process and a change of life. This is my one and only life and I don't want to sit this one out!

As an aside, this reminds me of how I love to swim and I have avoided it for so long...even when I was thin because of how I look in my suit. When I had my ds, I said enough of that and I take him swimming no matter what! Everytime I see a really large person swimming I want to stand up and cheer for them (of course I don't)! It is so important we don't let life pass us by because we don't feel as attractive as thinner people!

Thanks again! This board is great!

Elle

Back in the 70's there was a popular book called "How to be your own best friend." Maybe we all need to read it. BTW, when it was on the bestseller list, the New Yorker had a cartoon, a guy standing in a bookstore talking to himself, 'well, what have we here, how to be your own best friend. well, i hardly think we need that, do we? no indeed. save our money. a wise economy, old pal, what say we celebrate our intelligence with a nice drink?" truly his own bf. Bill

It all boils down to what you'll regret MORE... not taking the chance to enjoy the cool water the exercise, or in my case, the look of unfettered JOY in the eyes of my son when we go swimming. (He's got to struggle to get around every other minute due to cerebral palsy.. between the chair and having to be lifted and/or carried, or the painful struggle to use a walker...the water makes hom buoyant and "free" of gravity) Would I trade that because of what some petty person might say/think? No way!

As "you-know-who" would say. "Don't confuse body image with SELF-image." How you look in the mirror is NOT the sum total of who you are.

Potatofree, you are so right about the unfettered joy! Nothing can replace that in a Mom's heart! I wouldn't trade anything in the world time with my ds. It sounds like your son has a great Mom!