Lost out on another uni course
 

I feel so fed up at myself, I went all to the trouble of applying to start a Uni photography course, which was my life ambition, started it, and had name calling by youths in the college, being treated with indifference by younger members of the group, and when I got to physically using the equipment I went all into body sweats stepping on and off chairs, the college was so hot also, I just feel so awful about my weight I left yesterday. I think this is a painful reminder of my childhood, being bullied in school for being overweight, and its clouded the rest of my life. I went with every intention of being strong and getting through it, but I am just not that strong. Makes me sad how people's mean comments has spoilt my life.

I'm so sorry you had such a hard time. But surely you can pursue photography on your own for a while, and get to the course again?

Don't give them the power to make you give up on yourself. You have more challenges than they do; and they sound like a self-absorbed bunch anyway. Maybe this isn't the right thing at the right time; but it can be another time.

You know what I did? I embraced my fatness. I joined a fat singles group, a fat social group, bought great clothes and makeup and started treated myself well. I don't care if people make fun of me, because I am going to live my life, not hide. I found a place where I could ride horses on the beach, I swim, I do remodeling on my house, I am respected at work. I treat myself the way I want to be treated. I, too, suffered a lot as a child, but that was years ago. I forgave myself for accepting others' abuse. I don't accept abuse now. I am happier than I have been in a long time and I am losing weight.

The point is: you deserve a life too. I hope you can get to the point where you can do the things that make your life worthwhile, and not beat yourself up about it. It is ok to feel upset at those people, they are bullies. There is nothing wrong with you leaving if you weren't comfortable. Is there another way to learn? Any other classes? If the class isn't for you, it isn't. It doesn't make you wrong, it is just wrong for you. I think large people have Stockholm Syndrome when it comes to bullies. We say, yes, you're right, I do eat too much; have no willpower' am lazy etc... I hope you can find your peace, and classes that fit you. You did nothing wrong.

thanks for your reply werebear and rapiddash. I do have another course on the go at the moment, and thats Patchworking class, and I love that! There are lots of old women there, so they are mature and get on with things. Where I was studying photography there are lots of youths ages 16 upwards, can be very cheeky and starting out on life. But it feels very intimidating for adult learners like myself, where as my patchwork course is based at a primary school, so its mostly women anyway who attend, totally different atmosphere. I feel an adult in that environment.
I have tried accepting my weight, its ok for a while unti someone takes a photo of me or video then I curl up inside again. And the fact I can never feel comfortable in clothes gets me down, its like huge overspill when I sit down lol! I have a pretty face, and do the best with myself.
I don't think we have such a thing as a fat singles group here, only just hearing about 'Fat Pride' this week, I suppose thats a move in a good direction, I like Beth Ditto, she is a good role model really!