How to handle family food eating?
 

In my household, it's just my daughter, age 17, and myself. I am doing well with lc'ing, but my daughter is struggling to adopt this WOE. She has well over 100 lbs to lose too. Some meals, she'll eat lc, then turn around and the next meal she won't. About 60-75% of the time, for dinner, she is eating the same thing I am (lc). But she eats HC items at lunch at school or sometimes when she's out and about. I am concerned that she will be eating high fat high carb over the course of her day and am not sure what to do about it. Have you had to face this with your family or spouse? Any suggestions?

Diemde, I'm going through that with my husband right now and I totally understand your concern and frustration. You want to help, you've given them the good info, and they know it works; but they just_won't_commit! It's like that old saying about how you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink - only mine is a stubborn mule! :mad:

Frank has about 30-40 lbs to lose, but more importantly, I'm concerned about the blood lipids and blood sugar. He's had the very high total & LDL cholesterol and triglycerides since his mid-30's (he's 54 now) and is currently on both Lipitor and Tricor because he's never gotten it under control. And now the blood sugar is getting up there too. Doc said, "This is very bad now and has gone on too long, so we're testing you every 3 months from here on in. Lose weight and exercise to get those #s down or you're going on diabetes meds. See you in 3 months."

After fiddling with the standard LF/LCal diets that left him irritable and ravenous but only 1 lb lighter, my desperate DH finally listened to me and tried to at least cut down on all the HC stuff. It was like a miracle - in the 2-1/2 weeks he had left before the last blood test, he lost 9 lbs and he felt like a new man - not always tired and dragged out (and not as grumpy). When they got the bloodwork results, all the high levels were significantly lowered and the HDL and cholesterol ratio were positive for a change, and his blood sugar was back in the normal range. (I don't have the numbers because the stubborn fool never asked for a transcript!) Doc was so impressed, he said we could wait 6 months for the next test. He asked Frank what he'd done, and Frank proudly told him he cut down (or out) bread, potatoes, pasta, rice etc. Doc asked him if he thought he could do that long term, and DH said sure, no problem. So everything is happy-happy...

The trouble is, Frank still sees this as something temporary that you do just in time for the bloodwork. He isn't eating as mindlessly as he was and that's a positive change, but he still grabs junky stuff now and then or makes huge sandwiches with plenty of meat and cheese. I've seen him go back and forth between avoiding the potatoes one day and scarfing down big plates of pasta the next night (I still have to cook for the other 3). Sometimes he'll do so good all day long and then end the day with a big bowl of (sugary) ice cream that he picked up "for the kids". :rolleyes: I've tried explaining that it's not a magic 2 week diet but that you do have change the WOE permanently, and you don't have to eat that other stuff because there are better alternatives - but I get the denial. "I've been careful, and I've watched what I've eaten for the last 3 weeks and haven't gained any weight back so I think I can have this one little indulgence without worrying too much." Of course then, the cravings kick in and the sugar goes wild, and then... well, you know what I mean.*SIGH*

They just don't want to get it, and you can't force them to either. My DH and I have been married almost 21 years. He's a good and intelligent man, an excellent father and a hard worker, and he puts in many long hours supporting us, but he's determined to go his own way and will not listen. I just have to step back and detach myself sometimes or I'll go :daze:. And I worry that we'll lose him to some health complication down the road that we could still head off now, so it bothers me every time I see him abusing his body. But he probably looks at me with my 100+Lbs to lose and says, "Who are you to criticize me?"

Who indeed! :confused:

I guess we'll just have to lead by example, and keep offering the information, and hope they follow someday. Wish I could offer more help or comfort than that, but I'm pretty busy banging my head against the brick wall too. :bhug:

I have the same experienced as Nancy -- you can't make anyone eat differently than they are willing or able to eat. I know that people were frustrated with me for decades because I wouldn't/couldn't cut calories and lose weight, but I was really unable to do it. Every time I went on Weight Watchers or a similar low calorie diet, I slipped up after a couple of weeks. It wasn't until I found low carbing that I was able to stick to an eating plan that improved my health. Atkins works for me, I can stick to it because it doesn't require any "willpower," it just seems natural, but I know that it is much more difficult for some people. For whatever reason, it isn't as easy for some of our loved ones and I think that they will have to, on their own, find what works for them when they are ready (and desperate) enough to do so. It's hard to watch someone we love damaging their health, but those of us in the TDC subjected our loved ones to watching us damage our health for years, so I think we have to be a little understanding. I know that many times over the years my husband had to bite his tongue not to say something about what I was eating, and I am very grateful to him that he did so.

My husband is not overweight, but he has high cholesterol that has not been controlled by drugs and high blood pressure that is controlled by drugs. I would love to see him more seriously low carb, and he has cut out a lot of the sugared sodas and other junk her was eating including most transfats, but that has been about as far as he can go. He saw how much my blood test results improved after a year of low carbing, but for whatever reason he is just not ready to make that transition yet.

When I was having a lot of trouble with my teenage son a couple of years ago (related to schoolwork -- not eating), we met with a family social worker who told my husband and I that our highest priority should be maintaining a household where the members could feel loved and supported, not judged for inadequacies over which they have little or no control. Otherwise, he said, our son would totally stop communicating with us as he went through adolescence and that would lead to a lot bigger problems down the road. I think the advice he gave us with regard to not pressuring our son to do better in school than he was able to do, also applies to pressuring family members about the way they eat. Frustrating as it is to watch them injure themselves, in my opinion it does no good to compound that problem by trying to pressure them and creating a household that people don't want to come home to. I decided long ago that I would lead by example and if anyone wanted to follow my example I would be supportive, but I wouldn't nag them into doing so.

I have the same problem. My husband says he is starving all the time. But I still cook low carb and his diabetes is more under control even though he will eat some other high carb things.
Have you noticed the school lunch menus? WOW they are really high carb!

Liz it sounds like you had an exceptionally good counselor. Great insight on that if the household is in an uproar all the time nobody will want to be there. I've backed off the family in a lot of ways because I really don't want people around me unhappy all the time, and I haven't forgotten how it feels to be pressured either. Home should be the place where people accept you as you are - warts, bumps and all - as long as you're not totally disrupting things, that is. MY DH has a brother who is alcoholic and verbally and/or physically abusive on a daily basis; always losing jobs or gambling away his paycheck - that I couldn't deal with. I'm very grateful for the man I do have.

Fortunately Mary, my oldest is out of school now, and the youngest has only this year to go. Jason is very health conscious and controls himself well though he does eat HC stuff. The youngest lives on tiny portions of food - some of it HC junk - and gallons of OJ. Brian has lost about 60lbs in 4 years that way and at 17 thinks he has all the answers. :lol: I ask him how he deals with the blood sugar swings from not eating very much and he says, "Oh I just ignore it and it goes away." Makes me cringe! But he's active and healthy and since his doc was more concerned about his former weight and borderline high BP - we decided to not make an issue out of it and make things even worse. He does eat regularly, but on his own schedule and whatever he likes. He does ala carte at school (it's a tech HS and they have a food service department that prepares meals) and usually gets a slice of pizza, a bagel with cream cheese, or fries - and always OJ. Their choices there are much better than the average HS, but there's still a lot of carbs. You can blame Uncle Sam for that because except for vending machines, most of the stuff comes from government guidelines. Got a kick out of the Reagan-era revamping when they tried to squeeze past us that ketchup and mustard were actually veggies. :rolleyes:

You are definitely not alone. I am going through the same thing with my husband. I don't have any advice but I think they have to be ready. You can't make them. I tried! :)

I have backed off.... I cook 2 separate meals 3 times a day. If I am lucky at dinner the main meat coarse can double for all of us. I feel like I have my resturant back again. I used to do a load of dishes in the dishwasher every few days. Now its everyday and twice on sundays. I dont really mind doing it as I am loosing and thaey are happy chef daddy is still cooking

Thank you for all of your replies. It sounds like this is a issue a lot of folks face. I probably should have been a bit more clear in my post. I am not trying to push DD into eating lc, although I am a bit nudging sometimes. ;) I know that she has to make the decision and commit to be fit on her own schedule. I can simply keep losing weight and trying to guide her. Since she still lives here at home, I do have some small bit of control - although with a teenager, it's hard to maintain control, LOL.

My concern, though is whether or not she will be in worse shape because she is eating high fat right along with me, and then at other meals (or snacks) eating high carb. Is that an issue? Should I keep making the lc meals for her too or make low fat ones on the days she is eating too many carbs? I've always heard that the combination of high carbs AND high fat is really bad for us. And if this is true, how how is too high? Does this make sense?

I know Diemde, it's hard when it's your own - we want the best for them. :heart: I'm no health expert, but as a mom of 2 teenage boys I see some pretty strange meal choices that I have to shake my head over. But they're young yet and they both seem healthy, and that's the bottom line. I don't know if I'd worry too much at this point about the food combining specifics but maybe just guide her into generally healthy eating whenever and wherever you can have an influence. For our age that kind of bouncing back and forth between HC/LC would most likely be detrimental within a short time, but she's still young and resilient. It may not have a long-lasting metabolism impact other than making it hard to lose weight while she's cycling back and forth like that. If the overall diet is not too bad - not much junk food and empty calories - I'd maybe just play wait-and-see while continuing to offer at home what you feel is best for her.

I know with my youngest, who is much more interested in HC foods (he drinks OJ by the gallon) he controls his weight by consuming tiny portions of just those parts of the meal he likes. I worry about whether he's getting balanced nutrition, but if I express my concerns or make suggestions he gets very defensive. I don't want to make food an emotional issue for him, because that was always a battleground for me as I was growing up, and that's one of the reasons I'm still obese today. Brian has lost a significant amount of weight doing what he's doing (193-138 in 3-1/2 years - 38 waist to 32) and his BP has dropped as well (it was 130/86 at 14). He says he can now do the mile run at PE, and he was never able to do that before. So how he's eating can't be totally bad for him. Certainly substituting OJ and bagels for the chips, cheezits and soda he used to eat is an improvement.

Thanks Nancy. I guess I do have to remember that she is much more resilient than me. I tend to forget that. You are right that I just need to wait and see. Thanks again.

diemde
It has never worked for me when I try to change others
eating habits. I just suggest you do what is good for
you and by doing that you will set the example.
It is hard to watch someone you care about eat junk
but that is almost always up to them.