Fear of Losing Weight?!
 

As my weight decreases many friends/collegues have commented on my weightloss, telling me I am "looking good" or "what are you doing .. it's really working". It's strange because I've noticed that my reaction to these comments seems to be to want to eat.

I wanted to ask if any of you fellow "low-carbers" have come across these same feelings and if anyone had found a solution or a way to deal with them.

Perhaps it's just a fear of the unknown or a fear of letting go of the old "fat self" that has me hanging on to those extra pounds.

Let me know how you are dealing with those same types of feelings!

it's very common! Some people simply fear any change, just that murky unknown of what will happen next. I think more common, though, is the sense of losing your protective shell. You feel that you are somehow getting revealed in new ways, and it's uncomfortable.

For people who have had childhood physical or sexual abuse, this is no small matter. The protection of fat was protection from the abuse-- "if I'm fat they'll leave me alone or I can fight back better." But even typical adolescent experiences of emerging sexuality and all the strange new troubles it brings can drive people to become large to avoid that whole mess.

A lot of us who have been both thin and fat feel very irritated at the changes in how we got treated thin...and so fat becomes a "prove you value me for myself" test. People give you a lot more credit and want to be your friend more and treat you as sexual more as you get thinner--that's the horrible truth. At one level it's nice...but at another it's enraging.

There are other possible reasons, too, but don't feel as if you're alone in the feelings, no matter what they are! I believe it's worth discussing with a counselor, especially if you aren't quite sure why.

HTH

Hi! :wave:

I have noticed that when I see a new low on the scale or when people give me compliments I feel not that I SHOULD eat, but that I CAN eat. Now when I say eat, I mean junk food. I find that I sabotage my hard work by rewarding myself with foods that I see so many other people indulging on. I'm trying to battle this by rewarding myself in some other way, but when all my friends are sitting around chowing down on nachos and goodies, I feel so good about myself now that I feel that I can do this now that I'm starting to feel better about myself. Not so...the scale is not as kind as some of my friends... :rolleyes:

I am so close to goal now, I can taste it...and it doesn't taste like nachos and beer!! :) It is just something that I have to overcome on my own and decide whether my tastebuds or my goal takes priority. Every day is a struggle and no one can do it for me. :)

Take care,
KC :daze:

I know it’s a hard place to be in. It's wonderful that you are able to see, feel and know what is happening because being honest with yourself is a great start in changing. Maybe this part of my own story will help you out.

At the end of September last year, I reached an all time low in weight and went crazy with eating. It was all low-carb, but totally compulsive. I couldn’t reconcile the way I looked with the way I felt. It was not that I felt undeserving, but I hadn’t done the “work” to keep it up. I was taking it for granted. It was the second time in my new way- of -eating that this happened. I’d be happy and really going for it, then I would go “uh-oh!” and retreat. Through low-carbing, I had already discovered that I was addicted to food, especially sugar.

Low-carbing has been a great tool, but I had to learn how to fix the other parts of myself – the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects. Without using food as a drug, all my past junk was exposed and as painful as it is, I am slowly learning how to recreate new beliefs and values that support the way I really want to be.

I think that clinging to the stuff - and that is food as well as behaviors - that you had in the past will keep you in the past. So how do you move forward to the present? Willingness was the answer for me. I became willing to let go of the past. I started to behave “as if” I was sane in my eating and thoughts. It slowly started working. I learned that I could operate from the sane part of myself, not the insane part. The insane part was my old beliefs and behaviors. All the stuff that got me to where I was three years ago before I started low-carbing.

I wish I had an easy answer for you. Do A and you will get B, but it doesn’t work like that. It’s a learning process, just like low-carbing is. Approach it in a calm and relaxed way, as if you are doing the best thing you could ever do for yourself. When those feelings come up, ask yourself if you are operating from the strongest or weakest part of yourself. Don’t judge, just observe and ask for guidance. You'll feel awful at times, and elated at others. Just keep plugging away. Using phrases like "one day at a time" and "just for today" helped me immensely. The answers will come. Not as quickly of course as we all want them to, but come they will! :D

Karen

This is an issue for me as well. I'd rather not drag it all out here in this thread, but you're welcome to read through my journal. It's all in there (p. 7-8). There's an icon that looks like a little yellow piece of paper at the bottom of this post. Clicking that will take you directly to my journal.

Cheers,

Friday

Fear of losing weight, is an issue for me also. I love this way of life,as I feel so much healthier, and I am really enjoying the exercise that helps me tone and tighten.

But.......... well some things I am not used to...and I am not comfortable with... is the oggling from men. You know that once down then up with their eyes. I feel like hiding... Razzle, I agree with you... its horrible that the thinner you get the more you get treated sexually.

Inside I am the same person... too bad society can't see beyond my protective layers.

Oh, for *sure*
 

Check my journal, somewhere in the mid-30s page-number-wise. The month of June was all about fear. I won't rehash it here--just go have a look.

It appears that many women has responded to this thread rather than men. I suppose that is because where women often feel "frustrated" that they are looked upon as a sexual object where before they were ignored, men want to loose the weight to get stares!

Sure, the health issue is very very important to a man, but I would say a good chunk of us wanting to loose this weight is due to the result of wanting the opposite sex to stare at us...I believe its the opposite between the genders.

My wife cannot wait to see me thin. She saw my "thin" pictures of me in high school and literally screamed. "Ohmygwad!!!! IS THAT YOU!!!!"

Im not meaning to be conceded but my wife (even though she loves me for who I am) simply cannot wait for me to be thin again. Heck, she even bought a suit for me from Haager? (sp) for the day I loose it all.

She is also on the diet and lost 15 pounds so far in three weeks since we started. She's looking forward to her physical appearence as well. She wants to look sexy (not Britanny Spears "I want men to want me without my clothes sexy) but sensible sexy. What really gets her upset is when her overweight friends tell her, "YOUR NOT FAT!!" "Why are you losing weight...you dont need too!!!"

My wife and i both know her friends are upset that she's losing weight and feeling great and they are still overweight and not making a effort to loose weight.

We dont pressure them but they have this "you think you're better than us" look on their faces. I see it all the time.

So I guess what Im trying to see :) hehe is that some women will often feel that their weightloss will produce some undesirable effect and that men will treat you as a sexual object. My opinion is, be who you are even when you were big. It's your soul that is beautiful, not your flesh

i have never thought of going back to my fat-self again coz i have been overweight since young (my thin years were like from birth to 6 years old?). and there were many unpleasant memories associated with my size all these years so i will keep myself inclined to being thinner and healthier.

i dont really like the way i looked on photos too....i mean the times when i was at my peak weight and high school pictures. only my childhood pictures are better.

media has always been a force behind women's mentality abt being healthy vs being "attractive". if i was born during Marilyn Monroe's time perhaps i wont have a real big problem abt image.

recently i went scouting for models for an audition of a clothing brand. and realised the my taste of curvier models were kicked out from the first round....so imagine how strict the judging was?

my friend who is also on the big side once told me it is impossible for girls to have stats of 36-24-36.....but as i joined a modeling agency doing talent mgmt, i begin to see otherwise. there are indeed many many of such stats.....no matter how did they achieve it. and there is a market for such women.

whenever i chatted on irc, the stats i gave to those irc guys were even slightly lighter than what i am supposed to be....i gave my weight as 131 pounds on a 156cm height ;) and most of their responses were : you are kinda fat huh? .....sometimes i get ignored immediately. or at times when i get frustrated and want to get rid of a persistent irc chatter, often tweaking with the weight statistic works. :D

you see......this problem keeps coming back to everyone of us. maybe because i have not seen myself being thin yet....but usually i associate fat with unpleasant issues...

juz my 2 cents

Thanks for all your feedback guys and gals.
It's made me feel that atleast I am not
alone in the feelings.

Thanks for the suport!

After losing close to 100 pounds (for the second time in my life -- I gained it back last time!) I can say that losing weight carries its own problems that dieters don't really anticipate...

I've written before on this forum (can't remember the thread) that people treat me like I'm smarter when I'm thinner. Like for each pound of fat I lose, I gain a couple brain cells (wouldn't that be nice -- with all the weight I've lost, I'd be in mensa! :D ) I get treated differently when I shop (it's subtle, but it's there). And frankly, I am treating others a little differently. When I'm fat, I'm less confrontational than I am now. My attitude right now is "You WILL treat me with respect -- or else!" When you are thin, you don't feel as self-conscious ordering caloric food as you would if you were fat. You don't feel as though you have to apologize for your presence...

Those are some of the good things. The bad things would be feeling uncomfortable when men notice you (this isn't a huge problem for me...I like male attention!) or feeling weird when people bring up your weight loss. I've had people blurt out stuff like "my God, you look great! How MUCH did you lose, anyway?!" And they mean well, but it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to be the topic du jour!

As we all know, maintenance is the hardest part of the journey...I am hoping that in the future, people will just notice me for who I am (my weight loss won't be an issue forever, I hope!) and I will "wow" them on my fabulous personality, and not on my lack of thunder thighs!

People do treat the thin differently
 

I was always a bit on the chubby side. I remember that at 142 - 148 in high school I was considered a *cow*. I always lifted wieghts so I could, quite literally, knock anyone on their butt that was rude enough to taunt me about it. I felt like I had to be tough to garner any respect. I made a lot of friends, but my weight still held back some others from being close to me, albeit they were still polite.

In college, I went down to 115 around my sophmore year (ahhh, the good old days). When I lost weight, people who had quite literally blown me off before wanted to be my friend. I was a hotty, I was smart and I was fun.

Newsflash!!! I was always smart and fun, if not a hotty...

Now, with two children, a great husband and a noteworthy career I realize the stupidity of those that treat the thin and the not so thin differently. I think once you gain the confidence that you are a GREAT, FUN, BEAUTIFUL person no matter what your weight, you will begin to lose some of those fears and the self doubt that could hold back your success.

I'm losing wieght for me, but I also know that being heavy could cause health issues as well as hold me back (this sucks) in my career. It hasn't so far, but appearances mean a lot in the business world and I don't ever want to feel that my appearance held me back.

Not to mention, I want to make my husband drool. Not that he doesn't now, but I want to have to dig out the mop when he sees me all dressed up... or not! :D

Good luck. I hope you are able to overcome your fears. There is a lot of support on these boards to help you.

Kristi

Hi y'all, I am new to the forum.

My husband (who has never had a weight problem) and I were talking about this just a few days ago. I was trying to articulate to him how uncomfortable it was for me to attract attention whenever I had lost a noticeable amount of weight. I don't know about your family of origin, but mine is one that has always harped on weight. At those dreaded family gatherings, if I either lost or gained weight, relatives wouldn't stop going on and on about it....'turn around, let me see you....Oooo-wee, you sure have lost/gained a lot of weight!' etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam . Who cares how you're doing....how do you LOOK?

Since I've never been thin, perhaps there is a little bit of 'fear of the unknown' there as well. And I am also uncomfortable with the sexual aspect....how people treat you more like a sex object, for lack of a better word....at a time when you aren't intending to be 'sexy.'

People definitely treat you differently. Weight is only part of it for me, because I am also older than I look....and while that may be ok sometimes, it often makes it harder to garner respect in certain situations, because people think you're 'only a kid' upon first glance, until you open your mouth and prove otherwise. And I don't understand why people equate being heavy with being slow/dumb/stupid. Same thing applies; they think you're dumb as a rock until you open your mouth and illustrate differently.

Your feelings aren't unusual at all.