I'm so ashamed............
 

Hi - I do not know if anyone remembers me........ it has been a while since I posted or visited.

During my absence, everything has hit the fan.
Sure, I could blame vacation, summer, school starting, stress, horrible assignment for 5 weeks, or anything else I wanted to, but the truth is, I did it to myself.

I have this unique ability to look in the mirror and not see my fat, blobby, horrible looking self. But, one day, I looked and saw. and what I saw....... that couldn't be me. No way.
Sure enough it was. What the he** .........I said. I got on the scale and the number was almost to where I was one year ago.
Not quite, but damn near enough. I sat down on the edge of my tub and cried. I cried and cried and shook my head.

I did this. I am the one who ate the candy and crap. I am the one who went to the store and got it and sat down and ate it.
But why...................... Depression, because I was fat, so therefore I ate somemore, and gained some weight, and ate somemore and gained some weight, and so of and so on.

I looked at myself again this morning, I am HUGE !! Disgustingly huge. I can not bear to see myself in the reflection.

I want to come back to this wol, --- I want to gain contol again, I want to have something positive.

Last week, I went to my Moms, and she in her "wonderful" way, said, "You are getting fat. What happened?" She is right.

I was near this weight one year ago. ALl the struggles, work, despair and emotions that I went through to lose that weight.
Now what.......... It actually is very humilating to sit down and write this and admit my inability and failure.

I want to begin again. I want to be a success, yet, everyday I keep putting it off. I say, tomorrow, or Sunday or after Halloween.

It is going to be painful to change my stats back to where I was. It is really admit defeat and being the worst type of loser. A loser-loser!!

Arrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Any thoughts?

Most of us have been where you are emotionally at some point in time and I know firsthand how much it hurts. There's currently a thread on the General Low-Carb forum about Dr. Phil and his questions regarding weight loss and it's really helping me define for myself what is wrong and what is right with how I'm fighting this battle of the bulge. Check the thread out and you don't even have to post your responses, just think about them. Then don't wait until tomorrow or after the weekend or after Halloween to engage the enemy in no-holds-barred battle. Begin immediately.

I know that for myself, I tinkered with the idea of losing weight for a long time before I got so disgusted with being fat that I actually started to DO something about it. Like overcoming any other addiction, some of us need to hit our personal rock bottom before we can take back control. I think you have hit your own personal rock bottom and something within you is just spoiling for a fight with that that evil sugar demon. Good luck to you and I hope to see you here often.
asugar :wave:

I'm sure 90% of us have felt this way before and for me more than once.

Welcome back and glad to meet you. :wave:

Now stop thinking about yesterday and start LCing this very next meal and write us back how you are doing.

You are going to do great this time!

Pam, of course we remember you :bhug: You have lots of friends here who've wondered where you went! And we are all here now to help you back. Dust off your Journal and dig up your fitday account and don't be a stranger.

Welcome back, Pam
Nat

Pam, you are not a failure. Failing would be not to come back to this WOL but continue on your path of gaining weight. Failure would be to ignore your inner self crying out for help.

You had a set back. We all do hun. I can't name a single person (myself included) over the past year that hasn't fallen off the Lo Carb wagon only to catch themself later with "what in the world was I thinking!". As Nat has said, dust off that journal of yours and get to recording.

Welcome back my dear ;) You are among friends here and if there is anything we can do, you can count on us to assist you.


:bhug:
Janet

You're not alone...
 

You are among friends on here who understand and will offer support. I haven't been here a terribly long time so you are new to me but I am looking forward to getting to know you better.

Don't talk about yourself that way..you wouldn't accept it if anyone else talked about you that way so.....Welcome back.Take one day at time and celebrate each sucessful day.

You made a huge first step in coming back and posting. That, to me, shows that you are ready to start again. You know this works for you and you know that you will get the results you want.

It takes a certain amount of courage to do what you have done. I admire that! Welcome back and soon you will be losing all that candy weight.

Paleo

Hi! Glad to meet you!! I think losing weight is like stopping drinking. Maybe we have to hit the bottom of the barrell before we are ready to do it. And it sure sounds like you hit it! And that is a good thing. You really sound ready and motivated to get going once again. You have lots of company, most of us have failed miserably many times on many diets, I sure have. But people succeed at this every day and we can join them!! Hang tough! Cindi

Welcome back!
 

Theres nothing at all to be ashamed or humiliated about. I'd say most of us have been where your at.. We're all here for one reason, so you're not any different from the rest of us.

My advice would be to quit the procrastinating. "I'll start the next day..ect" I actually used to do that, it makes it worse because it's like setting yourself up for failure. You don't know what tommorrow or the next day is going to bring, it's not any different then TODAY..When you sit there convincing yourself that you'll start lowcarbing the next day, you also end up telling yourself its OK to eat whatever you want untill then! Which isn't the way to go because you'll never end up starting untill you just do it now.

If the scale and mirrors depress you so much, don't annalyze yourself in them. You won't get thin that way, you'll only get more depressed. You could take some pics instead as a way to watch your progress.(heck, you can just upload them to a private online photoalbum where nobody would see them and they don't have to be on your comp)

And screw "after" halloween. Think about BEFORE Thanksgiving and Christmas which is coming up very soon! Think about what you're gonna look like in a month or so, not how bad you think you look now.

And If you can't go back to lowcarb coldturkey, DON'T. Start slow. For instance, don't touch any candy on halloween, then the next day cut out all breads, pastas ect... Just keep cutting yoruself down untill you're back on track so its not so overwhelming. Any change is better then feeling like this, eh?

Pam... :there:

I can share in your frustration...and know the taste of self-sabotage well! But you've demonstrated your strength in acknowledging and running towards the answer. So from now on, just work with that! :thup: :thup:

You know how the plan works...jump on, don't sweat the little mishaps along the way, stay as consistent as possible -- at least just get into some good LC habits and general lifestyle again...when the holiday's hit, you'll at least be in control over what you want to sample :p . (We know how that works, let's not even try to deny that little treat at Christmas!)

But don't let that influence your efforts for TODAY! You may be strong enough to keep away from it all...who knows?

:wave:

You need a nice warm hug. :bhug:

I'm happy that you have come back to join the rest of us.

I look forward to visiting your journal.


welcome back....
Cin :)