Changing your world view
 

I don't know this for sure, but I imagine many of you here have felt what I am about to describe.

You see the looks, hear the clicking tongues, feel the shame imposed upon you from the heads turning in the other direction. People wish they didn't have to look at you, and you wish they didn't, too. You want to crawl into a hole and hide. Instead, you try hold your head high, let the fat be your protection, then when you get home, you cry to release the pain. You eat to feel the comfort.

But do you feel the love?

I mean, seriously. People have been hurtful, for sure. But in all of the pain, I have had people be loving and caring. But somehow, in all of that, I only held on to the negative, believing it, living it, and becoming it. What made me listen to and believe the people I didn't even know as opposed to believing in, and trusting my husband and other loving people around me?

I became what I hated, but why?

I felt negatively, and when people enforced those feelings, I believed them because somehow I felt them to be telling the truth.

When people said good things, I did not believe them, because I didn't *feel* good. Hence, they must have been telling "mistruths". Or better yet, they were biased and only trying to make me feel better.

I started, one day not long ago, looking in the mirror and telling myself, "You are a good person. You are attractive, funny, and have such a loving heart. You *are* worthwhile. You CAn be the person you want to be"

I started to believe this after repeating it like a mantra for weeks.

Now, when people say negative things, I think to myself, "Oh, you are *so* wrong. How can you be so hurtful and so negative?"

When people say good things, I have somehow come to accept it. Like warm fuzzies. I never have been good at accepting compliments or praise, I was not accustomed to it. I find strength and reinforcement, encouragement. It is letting my heart bloom and feel full. Human again.

We slip into the negative things, and it is an ever increasing downward spiral, somehow coming to believe them, no matter how painful or wrong.

Yes, I am obese. I had eating problems since childhood, and health problems on top of that.

But does that make me any less human? I think not.

In fact, I have instead chosen to baby myself with love and nurturing. I pamper myself with carefully prepared meals. Each exercise is a form of self love.

I think and feel better of myself now, and it is starting to show on the outside, to the world.

I used to say I didn't care what anyone else thought, when in reality, I only cared when people made it hurt. I used the hurt to reinforce my negative self image, used the fat to hide behind.

I *do* care what people think, but instead of picking and choosing, and only choosing the bad to heed, I pick and choose, choosing mostly the good. I do not totally negate the bad, however. I can take constructive criticism, as long as I view it honestly and without emotion to determine whether it is meant to be helpful or simply an attack.

Instead of facing the world with anger and frustration, which was really directed at myself, I see the world in a completely different way.

There is something to be said for positive thinking.

Wow Fantasia, fabulous post. Thank you.

--Ruth

GREAT POST!
 

Wonderful post. I am sure many people can relate.

I just got a cute book at work for children about picking friends and one of the concepts really stuck with me....

Pretend that you are a director of commercials and you need to pick the stars of your commercial. The commercial is about YOU! Who you are, what you stand for, and what you believe in. Would you let your friends star in your commercial? Do you like what they say about you? Does it communicate to the world what you want the world to know about you???

I realize this doesn't relate exactly to what you were talking about but I think it is a closely related tangent. Often times, we have friends or acquaintances who are not healthy for us, who we would not want in our commercial. Even though it is hard, we have to get rid of those people because they do not contribute to our emotional and physical health. I have had to do that recently, and wow, what a difference it can make to get rid of that toxic stuff in my life. And when the people around you aren't negative, it makes it a lot easier to dismiss negative stuff from people who don't really know you!

Sorry that I got off on my own little tangent here, but hey, love your way of thinking! I love positive thinking!!!! :D

Amy

Do you feel the love ?

Thank You, for the heartfelt post Fantasia!
I am so with you on this one. For me it is not so much comments but perhaps the unspoken words and actions of others.
I have dug myself a giant hole and retreat to it over and over again. So far, the sides have not given way and I am able to pull myself out of the depths most times to carry on.
Maybe, because of my age I am able to see life differently than I did ten years ago (41). I am really learning to accept myself for who I am and realizing who I am too! A friend, a few years older than I, told me a few years ago (when I was worried about something) that; don't worry, in your twenties you spend a lot of time trying to fit in, in your thirties you worry too much about what others think of you, but in your forties those feelings slip away and you just start to accept yourself and do not worry about what others think, and then she said " I understand that in your fifties and beyond, not only do you not worry about others think, you are not afraid to tell them that to their face "!!!!!
I am looking forward to my fifties I guess :D

Thanks again. Keep on keeping on!

Hi Everyone!
 

Just popped in to say hi and check up on ya'll. Hope all is well with everyone. Nice to see you are all supporting each other still. I have been to some cruel website's that don't think positive at all. Not going there again. Praying and thinking of you all. I'm doing ok but getting sick of this snow/winter....where are you spring????? Talk to you all soon...Celina :wave:

Great post Fantasia...

Positive thinking is the key to all of this...I realized that, and things have been better since!

~Michelle

What a wonderful post, Fantasia.

I really think you are right on about how we focus on the negative because it fits our own feelings about ourselves. I have the hardest time accepting all the loving things my husband says to me and I am very cynical with him.

He'll tell me a million times a day how beautiful I am and I have a smart answer for each time.....get your glasses on, yea, right, whatever, and on and on and on. He never gives up though. 22 years and he still telling me. He says that one day if he tells me enough, I will start to believe it.

Maybe it's time to get in front of that mirror and learn to say thank you!

Deb

Yep Deb,

When ever anyone complements me, I force myself to just say thank you and then button my lip. Otherwise If I don't I will end up contradicting them or down playing what ever the complement was about. Not only is it insulting to myself, but it's also insulting to the one giving you the complement.

It certainly takes practice. I'm not great at it yet :)

Julie Huck
310/274/160

Your're right, Julie. It is hard. I'm better at it with people other than my husband. Guess I figure they won't get it anyway, but I really am trying to take it from DH too with just a thank you. Trouble is 40 plus years of negative self talk has taken a toll so the best I can do is just work on it. And I am.

Deb

This is so true of me as well, I 'soak in' the negative comments, anyone who treats me with less than respect, and then dismiss or don't believe those who see beauty and value in myself.

And I too focus too much on what toxic people say than on what emotionally whole and healthy people say....

I definitely need to work on this, and continue to work on more and more self care.

I'm 48, probably emotionally I'm much younger, but wouldn't it be great if at 50 all of a sudden all these insecurities just vanished into thin air????

From Emy :roll:

ME TOO

I think it's the curse of being fat
people treat you like your stupid long enough,
you start to believe it, I think changing that, is
harder than losing the weight. and I think were
all about 21 at heart. won't it be great when
we can play, like we're that young! I can't wait!
(but I guess I have to) Hard work, not wishing,
is gonna get this job done! ASAP

your new friend
Robyn :wave:




How do you eat an elephant?

one small bite at a time!

this elephant is History!! :exclm: