I had my conference today with Dr. S
 

this is a copy of a post I sent to a list of friends who are survivors of borderline mothers, who know the specifics of my personal life. Since I imagine many people here on the Schwarzbein forum have a difficult background that led to becoming ill in the first place, I am reprinting most of it here.
For this forum, she put me on 3 - 25 gm of carb meals and 2 - 25 gm snacks and I must follow the eating plans in SP II strictly with no cheating. Easy enough. I am to use estradiol patches, do EMDR, and take a whole list of supplements I am going to go over wth her nutritionist tomorrow. I will post that after we talk.

Here is my post to my friends:
Without going into specifics, Dr. S said my test results tell I have "the
very worst type of metabolism." She said, "It only gets worse." (I can post the test data if any of your
are interested) She said that positive thinking, deep breathing,
visualizations, controlling thoughts, are all useless for me because I have
no cortisol, and that my para sympathetic nervous system is completely shut
down, and my sympathetic nervous system is switched on constantly. The only
hope I have is EMDR, and it would save my life. I told her how I collapsed
and went into shock over the weekend about the melanoma biopsy, and she said there was no way I could
avoid that, that my adrenal and hormone systems are so far gone that I
could not have reacted any other way. She also said this is why I can't
sleep for years, feel afraid so much and feel like I am crying inside. She
stressed over and over that losing wt. is not my issue, healing my adrenals
and parasympathetic nervous system is. And she emphasized that the life I have had, plus getting started off with a BPD mom ensured that I would end up
this way.

I have an appt next week to get EMDR started. It is going to be horribly
expensive, but if I don't do this I will not live much longer because my
body is burning out.

I think we all always expected too much from ourselves. How could we not because we were the little parents from age 2. We had to try to keep our mentally ill mothers on keel. Our bodies are burned out from the stress, and then we berate ourselves for
being so affected by it. I hereby forgive myself forever for being the way
I am, and I am going to do whatever I have to, to get myself well, and stop
apologizinng for being in pain. We sisters all are suffering from burned
out adrenals and it is dangerous. We push and push ourselves, and think
there is something wrong because we are suffering and that we should
somehow be able to talk ourselves out of it. We can't...it's physical
damage and we won't feel better until we heal.

Mara, re your post about our intense emotional responses triggering the
burnout, I asked her about that, and she said it's actually the other way
around. She said that burnout causes the emotional responses. Once
again, we get confirmation that it's not our fault, we didn't cause it. We
were their victims. They destroyed our health at a very early age. We
really can't control it any better than we do, and that is only by managing
it after the fact by talking to each other and getting support. So, we can
and should for once and for all, stop beating ourselves up because we get
so upset and have such a hard time. We have to heal our endocrine systems if we want to be
calmer, and we have to turn down our sympathetic nervous systems. We are
all on constant alert because of pathways formed in the brain in childhood
from the terrible stress. She said exactly that about my condition. This is
the startle response we all have, and the sensory defensiveness. She also
told me that if the para sympathetic system is shut down, sex is never
going to happen. So that explains that. Gotta get the body better first to
get the mind better.
Much food for thought.

so good to hear
 

Hi Ivorybow,
so good to hear that you got your results even though it seems so serious.
I don't post very often, but read on these board quite a bit. I have read
both Schwarbein books, I am looking forward to her next one out in the
summer. I also have little sex drive, have lived on caffeine for years, so
I am guessing that I have a poor metabolism also. I take thyroid for a nodule,
have liver problems, etc. Raising 4 sons and a daughter that are all teens now
or older. Don't know what else to say except it's lovely to hear from some
one else who is working the plan. My prayers go out to you. I also read
a book called Tired of Being Tired by Jesse Handley which includes Schwarzbein
recipes. It is also all about adrenal burnout. I have read the books, but I
am slowly working into following the program. Again, it's good to hear
about your progress.
Thanks!
Paula :)

Hi Ivorybow!

It is so good to hear that you know what is happening and have a plan for healing!! I can see that it was definitely worth it for you to go directly to the source. Did you speak directly to Dr. S? Also, what is EMDR--I'm not always so quick on the uptake. Anyway, you are apparently a very strong person and will be able to see this thru to being healed.

Tig

Hi,
Yes, I talked with her. She was very supportive and eager to help me and validate me. Try
www.emdr.com I am very happy I decided to get her tests.
Thank you Tig.

I have a friend who is a therapist and does EMDR. She has tried to explain it to me but do not understand it. I will check out the website, thanks.

I am glad you received such good compassionate care from Dr. S. I had a saliva test a while back and except for my 6am reading my cortisol level was on the low range. I am interested to what yours was. If you would like to email me privately that is fine. After getting your response I may have to revisit my decisions on all of this and proceed in a different direction. I feel like I am always on edge. I find I grit my teeth even when "nothing" is going on. Then when something happens I can freak out. My brain tells me it is ok but my body is freaking.

Take care. Keep us posted.
Marianne

Hi Ivorybrow. I feel for you and all you have been through. Stress is a killer and our bodies really can only handle so much. I went through a scary divorce and was on that constant alert thing you talk about. I did meet with Dr. S and I can assure you that you are in good hands. I am thinking I may try a phone consult with her as I am much worse than when I saw her a couple years ago. How did you get your tests done? Did you go to CA or did you send the tests in? Well, I am curious about your progress and I am wishing you a wonderful life ahead of you....Because I know you will heal and enjoy life the way you always should have been able to. Take good care!! K

Hi K,
I went to her web site and signed up for the tests there. It was very easy and very thorough. I was mailed the testing materials and the blood tests were done by a lab here, and by mailing away the saliva tests. Very easy. I'm so sorry you are worse. Do you think the divorce did it?
carolyn

Ivorybow,

Thanks for posting this. I found it very intriguing, and it has raised many questions for me. Although not BPD, my father had a mental illness and my mother was never diagnosed with anything, but very "dysfunctional" in my opinion. I have never resolved these issues. I wish I could find a good support group, but I don't know where to look. I don't think I'm in as bad shape as you are, but when I get in "emergency" mode, NOTHING helps.

I have only read SP I, so I am wondering if she explains about the parasympathetic vs. sympathetic systems in II? The only other place I know of to look into that is Metabolic Typing.