One year later, not at goal, now what????
 

A week ago was my one year anniversary with the low carb way of life. My goal one year ago was to loose 45 pounds and fit back into the suit I got married in for our 15th wedding anniversary on Nov 13. I'm ten pounds short of goal. The "suit" is not going to happen by anniversary dinner night. The thing is, it doesn't hurt! It's not a disappointment. It's not something to get depressed over.

A year ago the skirt on that suit wouldn't go up past my thighs. Now it goes all the way up, and the zipper goes about half way closed, thanks to a loss of just over 5 inches on each thigh, 6 from the waist and 4 to 5 from the tummy and hips. In that year, not only have I learned to eat healthier and enjoy it, but I've also managed to deal with 11 months of intense stress dealing with my mom's loss of mobility, loss of independence, and currently hospital stay for a knee replacement. While the eating part of the last year has been relatively easy, the "other things that go bump in the night" department have thrown me so many curves which COULD HAVE lead me to go give up, binge out, and eat the old, easier, once comforting way.

So, I feel the need to deliver 2 messages...one around setting goals, and one around dealing with life while LCing.

Goals:

Part of what keeps all of us going is setting goals. The simplest goals to formulate are typically "I want to lose x pounds in y months". Why? It's just easier to measure progress and success by numbers. It gives us the illusion that we are in control. It makes us feel like there will be an end point. Goals set on numbers and time are comforting at the beginning of the journey.

We often fool ourselves into believeing we can make 10 pounds disappear in 2 months, for example. The truth is, the best we can do is encourage our body to move in the right direction, and WAIT for it to respond. It will respond in it's own time, in it's own way, which often means slower than we expect, and with plateaus, stalls, small gains along the way. The trick is to accept that the best we can do is be a good influence on what happens. The rest is up to chemistry.

I truley believe that those people who successfully move to long term LC lifestyles make a transition along the way from number measured goals, to deeper, inward facing goals focusing on quality of life and mind and spirit. Embarking on an LC lifestyle is a journey, and the rewards are in the journey not in the destination. The rewards are in what we learn along the way; what we learn about ourselves, our eating habits; what we learn about nutrition; what we learn about other people and their challenges; and how we begin to grow from within.

Life's stresses:

Stress affects weight loss. It slows things down. It makes it harder to stay on track, and so much easier to just plain give up. The trick is to realize you are in a stressful situation, and change your focus for a while. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with going to maintenance levels for a while until the stresses in your life ease off. It's a much healthier choice than quitting altogether.

When life dealt me emergencies, long car trips in the middle of the night, hospital vigils, emotional turmoil, I was able to put weight loss aside and be happy with an LC holding pattern. That meant no focus on losing, but still eating healthy. It meant opting for more Wendy's salads, and finding one or two comfort emergency foods (that were still LC) when home cooked meals were not an option or too much work. For me that was pepperoni, and yogurt with protein powder and fruit. It's certainly not something I'd want to do long term. But it got me through in a much healthier way.

And yes, I made some bad food choices along the way too. We and only we are responsible for what goes in our mouth. If we choose to eat it, we have to be prepared to deal with whatever happens. There's no point in beating oneself up over a bad choice. It wastes valuable energy.

And now what?

It's a year later now. The suit is still calling me. One day it will fit. On Wednesday night I'll be stepping out all dolled up in something else, something new, and something 4 dress sizes smaller than a year ago. I think that's a pretty good anniversary present to myself.

Angela,

You are truely an inspiration. Your thoughts and insight are so right on the mark.

I have found myself many times where you are. In the middle of a life that keeps throwing obstacles in the way. After 19 months of low carbing I too find myself 10 pounds from goal weight.

The past month I have been at maintenance levels to deal with some of the stress, and I have slacked off on my exercise program (which I know I shouldn't have)

I wish you only the best in life, because you deserve it. Thanks for always being here saying the right things when it matters the most. :)

:bhug:
Janet

Janet,
Wow! What an inspiring story. I am in the midst of what seems like a pretty bad stall. I wasn't really thinking of quiting but was desperately in need of some kind of direction. Your post helped some. Will continue to look for my answer but would like to thank you for sharing your story.
Jerry

Beautiful post Angela!

You are an excellent role model and your commitment warms my heart.

I'm casting my vote for you as LC Lifestyle poster girl of the year! ;)

Karen

Angela -

I just wanted to say how amazing your take on this WOL was for me.

I hope your next year is filled with good health and much happiness....

Thank you.

Sometimes
 

There is more to it than that. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves. Sometimes we think we have a goal and we reach and try for that goal, but deep inside we don't WANT the goal.

And we don't always realize that.

So our efforts are intense for brief periods of time, we go for it as hard as we can, and as soon as we see progress we get scared and sabotage that progress.

Wow. Why would we do that?

Fear.

Sometimes we are afraid of something, we don't even know what it is, but we are afraid. The weight loss journey we go on is not straight forward. I lost my first 50 pounds in about 8 months and haven't lost much since then, and it has been 2 additional years. At first I thought I was just stalled, made all sorts of reasons up for myself. "this diet doesn't work for me anymore" etc.

Just yesterday after answering "Dr.Phil's questions" below I started to realize how very afraid I am of things in my mind, of the idea that being thin will leave me weak and vulnerable. I've started to realize that I have been self sabotaging for the last 2 years, because I really haven't WANTED to get to goal.

If anyone had suggested that, I probably would have hotly denied it during that 2 years time. But now I wonder.

She has my vote too!


I am sure Chewie ment to type Angela and instead typed my name. :blush: Angela however deserves all the credit on inspiration.

Hello
 

I think what Angela has said about stress is true. And you know what? I think its a great idea about doing Maintanance during stressfull times. I think that would have made my weight loss be continuous instead of the case where I am losing weight I gained during a bad time. I had a husband in the hospital several times as well as deaths in my family this past year. And I gave up low carbing two or three times. My health calls me back each time. Now when something bad like that happens again. I will do Maintanance, I won't go for the candy or cakes. Having a plan of attack is so much better than trying to cope on the fly.
Thank you Angela, what a great idea! :thup:

Yes I meant to say Angela! Thanks Janet for bringing it to my attention. I tried to edit it but it has been too long.

Hi Angela. Congrats on both of your anniversaries! :clap:

You took the words right out of my mouth... er... or the post right out of my fingers, I guess. :) I was thinking of starting a thread on realistic vs unrealistic goals, because there are the occasional "I'm determined to lose 20 lbs in four weeks" posts.

You are absolutely correct when you say that you can only make a goal out of the part you have control over. You don't have control over the number on the scale. You only have control over the decisions you make about your eating and exercise. If you'd like to lose x amount of pounds before someone's wedding, that's cool - but you can't make that a goal. That would be like making a nice, sunny 70 degree day a goal. It would be nice, but you can only *hope* for it: you can't force it to happen.

Unrealistic:
"I want to lose at least 15 lbs by the end of induction"

Realistic:
"I want to successfully complete two weeks of induction, and get x amount of exercise."

Unrealistic:
"I want to be a size x before my vacation"

Realistic:
"I want to be as slim and healthy as possible before my vacation"

Unrealistic time limits only lead to disappointment and frustration.

On dealing with life and LCing? How would you have dealt with all that misfortune on a sudden diet turnaround to hospital vending machine chips and chocolate bars? It's easy to use life stress as an excuse to bow out. After all, don't you 'deserve it'; don't you 'need a break'? NO: what you need and *deserve* is to take care of yourself so that you can be 100% when others need you. If you cease taking care of yourself, you're going to fall apart.

What a great post, Angela! Lots of food for thought there. :thup:
You have my vote too! :D

Angela, I sure hope you're aware of what an inspiration you are to so many here. You're a true mentor in every sense of the word.

Nat

Angela, You've come a long way on your journey so far and like any long journey, in order arrive at the destination without being tired, burned out, and haggard, we all need to stop and rest for awhile. Stopping and resting doesn't mean turning around and going back, but figuring out where we are so we can either take root where we are or continue on our journey.

I agree that setting a goal of x number of pounds by such and such date is unrealistic. I much prefer very small controllable goals such as a goal of getting through the week on plan regardless of the obstacles.

You are an inspriation to us all and you can be my mentor anyday.
Congratulations on your success and happy anniversaries!
asugar :wave:

thanks!
 

Angela,
thanks for the warm words of wisdom. great insights and congrats to you!

Kristine,

"Unrealistic time limits only lead to disappointment and frustration. "

WOW.....that's SO true. i have re-thot my goal weight, and realize that unrealistic expectations have been my down fall. feeling better, eating better, and taking care of this body is my goal. weight loss is a benefit and will surely follow.

keep on keeping on! :)

I bet you looked and felt FABULOUS!
 

You have handled a very difficult year with dignity and grace and best of all you never gave up the most important goal of your own health and well being. Bravo! I have learned much from your struggles and your willingness to share. When the next pothole in the road aims for me I will try another method learned from a friend...hold tight...don't give up the journey...for this too shall pass.

Congratulations!

Beth

Thank you Angela, for sharing so much of yourself on this forum. I especially needed some deeper, more focused motivation this morning. :)

Thank you everyone, for your kind words of support and warm wishes. You make me blush...I don't feel like I'm doing anything special...just hanging in there like a whole lot of other people on this website are.

Hope it's not too late to also say that themain reason I've lasted so long with LC is because of the support and friendship from people here. This is truly an amazing community.

Now, about the anniversary dinner. It..um..didn't happen. We ended up spending the evening mopping up a flood in the basement from some burst plumbing. :o Pretty par for the course on our anniversaries. We got married on a Friday the 13th (the only couple to marry at city hall that day), and while we have been blessed with a wonderful marriage, have rarely had the opportunity to spend a normal anniversary. Something always crops up..illness, business travel, family emergency, something. On our 10th we planned 3 times for a romantic getaway, and when it finally happened the hotel was horrible and we ended up having dinner at a Wendy's. It's become a game to try to predict whether or not we will actually be able to celebrate on the real anniversary day. :D

We'll be going out for dinner at the end of the week...after I get home from this business trip.

Hang in there everyone! And thanks again for your kind thoughts.

hehehe Angela that sounds about like what happened to us.

We got married and had planned for a honeymoon two weeks later. The week before my boss asked me if I could go to Argentina for 3 days to set up some systems. I said sure no problem as long as I am home by Saturday because that was when we were scheduled to fly out to Belize.

Well, turns out I spent two weeks in Argentina so I wasn't home for our honeymoon. So far 3 years into it we have yet to take one. Something always seems to pop up if we plan to spend more than 4 days together somewhere :)

December 11th ( I think) will be a year for me.

I weigh 10lbs more. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I started LC with Atkins in mid-March. 8 months later, I've lost 53 lbs. I have my goal weight set for Sept 30, 2004 - over a year from now. According to FitDay, this will require a loss of approximately one pound per week. I thought that was fairly reasonable - much moreso than expecting to lose 98 lbs by Sept 30, 2003, for example.

So, how do we know if our goals are actually realistic? Is one lb/week too high an expectation? I don't plan on going off of this wol, even if my goals are not met when I expect them to be, but I'd like to know what is possible.

Every person's actual loss is as individual as they are. There are so many factors to consider, things that will affect you over time. No one can predict for certain what they will lose and at what rate.

It looks like you have some nice long term goals set, at a steady and reasonable pace, and you have the patience to wait this thing through. That's a major part of the battle.

Don't get discouraged if you don't lose a pound per week. Some weeks you may lose more, some weeks not even that. The body goes through periods of rest and adjustment between bouts of losing.

Congratulations on your loss so far. Looks like you have the right mindset to persist!

Thanks Angela!
 

I have been absent from the forum for a few weeks now, due to homework, classes, work, and so on...and when I return you are the first I read, and I want to thank you...I too have sometimes a hecktic schedule and it would be so easy to fall of my plan...your idea of staying on maintenance during stress is encouraging to me...
I'm glad I stopped by on my surfing hour...
take care too

I just wanted to bump this wonderful post to the top. It's where I am and I was inspired! Thanks Angela...wherever you are!! :D

thanks for sharing
 

In the end, that outfit WILL fit and then perhaps you can have another celebration to add to your life--- like an Atkins anniversary or GOAL party?

Jan :spin:

What a wonderful post. Angela you've given this newbie LOTS to think about.