New and Ready to Rock
 

:wave:
Hi, everyone! I am Ann, an over 30 year old mom of two!

I am starting this low carb way of life on the advice of a good friend. I have been on every diet and eating plan known to mankind and finally my friend (who is a trainer) reviewed my menus and basically said, "You are living to eat. The carbs are killing you." He's convinced my sluggishness, naps during the day, and general grouchy attitude are all symptoms of eating way too many carbs.

I have read Atkins and The Carbohydrate's Addict book and am going with Atkins. I am at the highest weight I have been in my life and am scared to death. :( :cry:

After making this decision, my husband told me that my weight is the reason he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He asked me if I would want to have sex with a person who had a body like mine. I told him that I wouldn't lose an ounce for him or anyone. I've been down that road before and it's a dead end. Any amount of weight I lose is to look and feel better about myself and that's it! Period!

Well, here I am ... just starting out. I think this forum will help a lot and I get forward to knowing many of you! :)

Welcome
 

Hi Ann :roll:
Welcome.
Been there done that for a husband. I know it doesn't work that way. Yes, do it for yourself. Glad to meet you. I am a mom of two teens also, 37 years old, working fulltime as well and
my husband tells me how beautiful I am and doesnt want me to lose an ounce! He is in the dark bigtime. I am doing it for me, even though discouraged, I am a thin person inside crying to come out and want to be at least 50 lbs thinner myself.
There are a lot of great people on here. I am trying to learn to use this site myself. It's tricky for me, not sure why but...
will figure it out. :rolleyes:
How long have you been at the current weight? I am a yo yoer and am heaviest myself as well. I used to average 170 until about 2 years ago I started going up up up each year.
Anyways, nice to meet you Ann and good luck with Atkins.
There are grocery list examples and recipies and all kinds of neat things here. :wave:

Re: Welcome
 

:wave: Hi, Celeste! Thanks for your reply. To tell you the truth, I knew in my heart how my husband felt, but DIDN'T know for sure. I had this feeling, but he's always supported me no matter what and this actually bothers me. I can't imagine wanting him at a thinner weight knowing he didn't want me when I was heavy. After all these years together, it just doesn't work that way for me! Whatever bond we had, he killed it, I think. :(
Anyhow, I have steadily gained for a few months now. I was at 150 back in June and due to just being sick of counting the calories, etc., I decided to just "wing it" and here I am -- almost 50 pounds later!
I always stayed around 150 pounds through counting every little thing, but after 13 years, I'm just sick of it. I need something a little simpler and that gives me some energy back because eating carbs just isn't doing it!
I hope to figure out all the tools here. I've read some post and really been inspired. It's after 1 here and I've had two low carb meals and I actually feel good and in control. Is this normal? :D
Anyhow, thanks again for responding!

Greetings and welcome aboard! :wave:

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's attitude - that's quite a shame. I hope you can find a way to reconnect.

You should find this forum a wonderful resource for both information and support.

Keep the Faith!

Sheesh, no offense but your husband sounds like an a$$. I mean, you must be a pretty forgiving person to put up with that lip. You should have a talk with my wife! If I even come close to being brutally honest, its out to the doghouse with me.

But your priorities are in order, do it for yourself, and all the benefits will come later when you can deny him of his advances!

ack, what the heck is wrong with me, I am starting to sound like a woman! I need to stop hanging out with you people. :D :D

HA! Well, guess what!? When you lose the weight (and you WILL on Atkins) he'll be barkin' up your tree again and so will about 20 other guys. Wonder who will have the last laugh?

Ok, well, anyway.....Hello, Change and welcome to our forum. As you can see :D you'll get lots of friendly advice and support! Even about LCing too! ;)

This will be the easiest plan you have ever EVER been on... I've been on it for a month and I LOVE it!! I can't tell you how good I feel....even my mild depression and PMS are cured! I swear, its true.

Visit and post often....it will pay off big time!

Welcome!

Thank you, everyone! I have had a great first day on this program. I feel in control and I'm amazed ... by now I would have had SO many carbohydrates. I actually am baffled at not feeling tired. Ha ha!

Well, my husband IS an a$$. This is something I'm not used to though so it will take me a while to fully comprehend that he is an a$$. He married the "beauty queen with brains" and he doesn't understand that stuff happens, things change. I'm still a person with feelings though. THAT doesn't change!

Well, thank you again for the warm welcome! These boards are just incredible!

I need to expand my hope a bit - I hope you find a way to reconnect with you husband IF and only if he is worthy of reconnecting with. And never forget that YOU are the one that gets to make that determination. Sounds like he has some fundamental changes to make before you should decide in his favor.

Well, forum members, whattaya think? Aren't there some people who you say to yourself, "this person's gonna do GREAT and I can't wait to watch what unfolds!!"..... here's one right here!

I just know you'll succeed beyond your expectations, ChangingMe, and I hope that you'll post often and keep us up to date!

Many blessings!!

Well, things got a bit worse tonight. He asked me if I would want to have sex with someone that had my pants' size. I swear, this is coming out of left field, but I am not prepared or used to it. All I could do is cry, BUT somehow (I really didn't have cravings) I made it through my first day of induction! Lots of water and exercise too! No matter what ... I am just plugging along!

Wow, thank you so much! I hope you are right! :)

O.K.! This is ridiculous. This goes WAY beyond someone that was inappropriately too honest with a severe lack of tact. He made his point. You got his point. His position was known.

To now hit you out of left field with crap like this is just plain mean and cruel!

I'd be willing to bet that this type of behavior is far more pervasive than just this topic or these two comments as well.

Just remember - the best form of revenge is living well!

Girl, what in the world does pant size have to do with sex?! Unless he's doing some funky things with your clothes...absolutely nothing!! There are many men that thoroughly enjoy sex with women that have a much larger pant size than you would have. He seems to have some issues that go beyond you. DO NOT take anything he says to heart!! I'm not sure if he feels that he is in competition with his buddies, or if he has some sort of self-esteem issues or insecurities of his own, but do not let his attitude bring you down. I had a good friend that let her self-esteem go down the toilet for 8 years with a guy. It wasn't until she decided for herself that enough was enough and started doing things to make herself happy, that she truly became empowered and her whole life started to come together.

NO ONE is worth your self-esteem. NO ONE. It doesn't matter if you have their ring on your finger or their name tattooed across your buns. You know what you have to do for yourself, now do it. DO NOT do it for him, DO it for yourself. Hang around this site often...you will find all sorts of support, hints, help and general info to help you along the way.

You will find that once you start to see the results that you will start to feel better about yourself. He may come around and seem more interested again, but you may also decide that you would prefer a more unconditional love. I'm not saying end your marriage, but what i am saying is that do not get trapped in a situation where you live your life to please someone who isn't willing to do the same for you. Life is too short. Seek counselling, or even just sit down and try to get to the root of the problem. If this is an isolated incident there may be some underlying problem (totally unrelated to you) that he is facing that needs to be dealt with.

Marriage is a partnership and issues should be dealt with as a team, not in a selfish and immature manner as he has displayed. If he doesn't want to play on your team, then you're better off flying solo. (easier said than done, right?)

Chin up, and focus on you. Soon it will be you who is holding the key to the bedroom!!

All the best in your LCing and I hope things start to look up at home!

KC :roll:

Well, I don't really know why it has come to this point. I think he believes that now he's finally speaking the truth and has a LOT to say! I don't think my telling him that he's saying a little too much of it is really having an effect on him so against all the odds I'm doing what you say -- living well!

Wow, everything yo wrote makes SO much sense. I read it three times. :D

A good friend of mine said that he is just hurting me at this point, period! She usually can see this clearly from her view, but I just don't understand that type of behavior. I'm simply not that way with him or anyone.

I guess I don't really want revenge ... I just want to be happy with myself, gain control, and move on if that's what needs to be done. I don't want to share the bedroom with someone who has standards for being in it.

Thank you for your post. It was terrific!

What I don't understand about all this is why has he waited until NOW, when you've started a new program, to say all this?! Why didn't he just say, "Hey, that's wonderful! Let me know how I can help!" I just think it's odd. Like slimchance said, maybe there's something else going on.

I'm just sorry that you're shedding tears over it.... I've shed plenty over the same issue many times. When someone makes a rude comment about my weight .... well, let's just say that they couldn't pick a more hurtful message. I think we all feel your pain and just want to help bear some of it. :there:

I hope you have a better day today!!

Welcome
 

Welcome Ann
 

It seems you and are started out at a similar size. I'm sorry that you've been hurt and I hope you can work through the pain and do whatever you have to do for YOU.

Sometimes people get scared when change is about to occur. Folks get used to things being one way and then someone ups and changes that way on them. Often, they don't even know what they're afraid of. Not to give your DH (darned husband in this case) an excuse, but perhaps he is afraid that he won't be able to handle a slimmer, sexier you :D

Sex doesn't have anything to do with size.. just ask an elephant! It has everything to do with attitude, love and emotion. At 185 pounds, my DH (darling husband in this case) took me to the mall to Victoria's Secret to purchase some lingere for me. God bless the man, he even brought along our 2 young children! (Can't really decide if he was brave or stupid!! LOL) But when the skinny size 1, old hag that worked there discreetly whispered that "they only sell THAT size through our catalog, dear", my husband snatched the camisole off my daughter's head (who was parading around the store wearing it as a hat), unearthed my son from inside a rack of ladies black bras.. and said, "Come on hon, you deserve better than this place has to offer!" And he took me by the hand and led me to Macy's where he spent a fortune on me.

To me.. I could have gone without sex for the rest of my life knowing that he cared for me that much. It isn't the act, it's the feeling before, after and around the act that's sexy.

Good luck.. keep coming here.. the folks here are superb beyond belief!

Lisa

Hello
 

Welcome Ann,

I've left you a message at your journal. Glad you've joined us.

Angelfish :wave:

Everybody's Beautiful!
 

Just read your thread and I agree with you 100%. You should lose weight or make any other changes for youself, not because somebody is nagging you to do so. I've always said that if somebody doesn't like me the way I am, it's their loss...and "don't come knocking on my door" after I've changed either.

I'm new here too, and have heard from a lot of fabulous people already. I haven't completely figured out how to move around so if this reply doesn't end up where I intended, I'll learn, and do better next time.

Bunches of good luck...this low carb diet is wonderful and works like a charm. With the support of a great site like this, how can we lose...or should I say "HOW CAN WE NOT LOSE"...lol

What a clod!
 

If I posted what I really think, I'm sure the moderators would delete what I post, so I'll try to be tactful. There's honesty and then there's just plain being a mean SOB. There are many ways to be honest without being hurtful. When my husband married me, I was about the weight I am now so he knew exactly what he was getting. I've always been of the attitude "What you see is what you get. If you don't like what you see, keep stepping". Obviously my husband is highly supportive of what I'm doing, but not because he doesn't think I'm beautiful the way I am. He's happy because he wants to spend a long life with me and knows that this is the best way to see that happen. I think many men get insecure when their wives or girlfriends start loosing weight or doing things to make themselves look better because secretly they fear that they will be left in the dust when their wife or girlfriend realizes their goal. Unfortunately, when they react as your husband has, they practically guarantee that's what's going to happen...it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope your husband wakes up and realizes what he's doing before it's too late. Do this for YOU and nobody else because in the end, you will benefit far more than anyone else!

Welcome ChangingMe
 

Greetings and welcome Changingme! :wave:

I read all your posts and all the advice and encouragement given, which was all beautiful and intelligent, so I can't really add more to it except to say, "ditto". Your husband is not the reason to be making this life change, for sure. It has to be for you and you only. Husband's/boyfriend's can sometimes leave your life, but you live inside of you forever, and you are who counts, no one else. On a deeper note though, it's not your weight or pant size that is making him talk like that, it's his own personality deficits and insecurities, not the number on your pants size tag. Next time he approaches you so cruelly regarding sex, tell him that it's quite okay that he's not interested right now, because you are having a hard time feeling "romantic " with someone with such a small and nasty attitude - it works both ways, and his attitude has to be a big turn off for you. Remind him that you WILL lose weight and pant sizes on your Atkins program, but you are quite worried about what help he will be getting to develope an attractive personality. My two cents :roll:


Keep up your determination and your posts and you will be where you want to be in no time ;)

/hug
Joy

all caught up
 

I just wanted to say thank you! I read all the new replies and some of the advice and words hit me very hard! Everything about how using weight is the lowest, most hurtful blow of them all is SO true to me!

Even though my husband apologized, his actions still speak louder than words to me. He doesn't touch me and doesn't even walk with me in public places.

I can't stop thinking that I've "let myself go" and deserve it and that just needs to stop. Again, I thank you all for your wise and kind words.

Hi! :wave:

Just popped in to see how you are doing. I should probably take the time to check out your journal too, but things have been crazy busy lately. :rolleyes:

It is always helpful to get the perspective of others to reassure yourself that you're not alone and not going crazy! ;)

We have all let ourselves go to a certain extent, or we wouldn't all be here struggling to either lose weight or just to remain in control. That is something that maybe you can be a little hard on yourself for (incentive to stay on the wagon :D ), but definitely not something that others should be beating you up for. As long as you realize that the only kind of special treatment you should be receiving due to your weight is support and encouragement, and maybe a little pride thrown in for good measure!! :p

Keep that chin up and persevere...you can do it!!!!!

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

Take care,
KC

KC
 

Thank you for your message, KC! I just have to say -- you are really beautiful inside and out. Now I sound just as base as my hubby, but I had to mention how pretty that you are! :)