Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. - A Rant
 

Hi all, I have a touchy topic, so I thought I would raise it in here.

***DISCLAIMER: I am not talking about nor criticising anyone who is one one of the plans that allows this IN COMBINATION WITH a LOT of exercise (such as BFL) or other strict rules (such as CAD) my point is NOT to bash those WOEs. My point is: Pick or design a plan and stick with it, but please STOP turning to others enjoying (working hard) on their plans and expect them to feed you excuses for your own failure***

Begin rant:
I am really just *up to here* with the countless questions/excuses/rationalizing regarding going off plan and "eating what you want."

We all came here to get healthier and lose weight.

I don't understand why there's always SO MUCH chatter about refeeds/one meal a week of whatever (junk) I want/carb up/carb blowout/INSERT FANCY TITLE OR EXCUSE TO EAT THAT JUNK HERE.

Or worse! "I quit. I am going to have pizza and nachos whenever I want, the size of my arse be damned! This WOE doesn't work because it's not all GONE in a *tenth* of the time I put the weight on!!"

Then let the excuses and rationalizing begin. And they wonder why they stall. :yawn:

Everyone says here over and over (and OVER) that *Frankenfoods are not that great and can make you stall! So leave them alone!*

And yet? Every day, there are a few new people who break their plan all to pieces with those things, then are surprised when they have issues. :bash:

Or, the alternative: Oh NOOOOOO I accidentally ate a slice of pizza!!!!!1!!1 posts everywhere.

How does one accidentally EAT seomething? Your mouth is in your head thus connected to both your eyes and your brain and your brain controls your mouth and your hands.

Stop it. Stop accidentally eating stuff you know is BAD for you, and if you won't? Then at least stop having a panic attack about it after the fact.

Either do not eat the stuff you should not, or do. But make a choice and stick with it.

Frankly, I want to offer support whenever and wherever I can, but the 15th panicked hyper post of someone who "accidentally ate a big pile of nachos at a restaurant" just makes me cringe. It is honestly hard for me to feel like taking the time to write out a carefully considered and drafted post for someone I don't even know but wish to help anyway, just to have them totally IGNORE everything *we all* had to say to them, then watch them come back and state that they did the EXACT POLAR OPPOSITE of what a whole gaggle of LCers told them to do when they asked. :nono:

So, to the people who are always asking the same questions in different forms and places: But if I just eat (insert junk here) on just these (insert some occasion/day of the week/other excuse here) then will that be OK?

My answer: Well. Will it? Will it be OK with YOU if your weight loss takes a week or month or year longer? Will it be OK to be dependant on those bad carbs like a crack addict to the cocaine? Will it be OK when you fall off completely because you have not yet learned to control yourself? Will it be OK when you have gained BACK 10 lbs or more which you NOW have to drag allll the way back UP that slippery slope of bad food choices with you? Would it be OK with you if someone forced you to eat things you know you shouldn't? No? Then why work so hard to find a reason to do it to yourself?

If all of the above is NOT OK with YOU, then just stop it.

People go on and on about how good they feel/think/etc. How WONDERFUL this is, then they turn around and want to mess themselves up by "fishing" for a reason why it's OK to sabotage themselves. It's like they want someone else to say "sure" so that when they fall down the slippery slope of excuses and bad choices, they can say: But those people in the forum said it was OK so it's their fault. Thus completing the chain of not taking responsibility for oneself. That is how a lot of us got here people, it's not the way to get better. :nono:

Also, those who are constantly excuse fishing don't need our permission to screw up your plan - you can do that just fine on your own.

Bars and shakes do not a Low Carb WOE make, people. LEAVE THE CRAP ALONE! Otherwise, you are just trading one problem for another. Do you really want that?

We are all smart, responsible people - or we would not be here trying to change ourselves.

All I am trying to say here, is that if we came here to change ourselves, then for goodness' sake, let's ALL stop making excuses and just do it!

Also, I would like to point out, that if you have been one of those people posting like that - and you don't get answers you want to hear, you can pretty much rely on the fact that what I've written above is why. I know for a fact other people feel the same way I do, but I needed to say it, finally, out loud.

I prefer to help people who actually want the help, not just an easy excuse to go off plan just to mess up weeks or months of success just to have that one quick failure.

This is a whole new path. You cannot use your old map on this new path and if you try you'll only end up lost in the woods. Get a new map.

Sheesh, I guess that's all.

In closing, I would like to just send best wishes to everyone on their plans! :D
~Kimberly

I hear ya, Kim. :agree:

Truer words were never spoken....

I couldn't have said it better.

--nw

I agree.

To be honest, I recently tried out a day off Atkins (have been on it for a very long time), trying what I used to eat, because I wanted to see how I felt, if it would jolt my metabolism, and maybe I wanted an excuse to eat a little junk. I learned: I don't like the taste of sugar AT ALL, or bananas, I don't like what it does to me. Black eyed peas still taste divine, and don't make me feel bad. The taste of bread is great, but I would probably be satisfied with exactly one bite-- I don't like how I feel after eating a whole sandwich.

I think that knowledge is helpful. I wouldn't recommend anyone else try it unless they're willing to deal with the feeling-nasty consequences, but I'm a bit of a masochist. Second hand information is really no substitute for personal experience, and I'm better armed now against the cravings.

But I definitely wouldn't categorize what I did as "accidental", and I wouldn't seek sympathy for the massive water retention! ;)

Rant away girl! I agree.

I have tried a cheat day and it to put it in a non lady-like way...it sucked. I think sometimes we all have to try.

But, while you rant, remember this...


People say that there eating was accidental, and I agree with you that it is not accidental or unconcious or anything else. However, people have emotional issues with food or reasons why they eat the food they eat, and for that, we just have to feel bad for them. They will realize soon enough that almost ANY diet will work for them if they just stick with it, but that their deep down issus with food will never go way until they are dealt with.

Personally, I don't respond to those posts. Why? Because I think that the people really know deep down what they HAVE TO DO. I don't think telling them that it is "all ok" will make it better. In the end, they cheat. They fail. They go back to their old ways of life. Sad for them. I suggest if those make you angry, which they clearly do, then don't even read them. :)

AMEN.

I am no long term resident of this forum, but I do come here everyday on multiple occasions to find answers/support/motivation. I know there have been a great deal of questions, as stated above, but I'm attributing that to the fact that there are a lot of people here for their first-third time that have similar questions to what we all had when we first started. However, I would encourage all those people to search the forum first before asking anyone to justify your need for the cookie.

Thanks again for the post, this was a great first read of the morning.

Agreed! Hence my rant here, as opposed to within a thread of someone asking those questions.

Hey, if they have the right to fish around for excuses for their behaviour, I have the right to rant about it in the War Zone *instead* of being rude to anyone in their "Fishing for an excuse to cheat...AGAIN" thread.

Finally, on food issues which are purely psychological: No plan will work if only the symptoms (the extra weight) are addressed. The cause (why they got that way in the first place) must also be dealt with in order for anyone to truly succeed.

I think more and more, that the majority of overweight/obesity is caused by the consumption of too many "convenience" (processed) foods and sedentary lifestyles.

Sure, sometimes continuing obesity may become psychological after years of feeling bad about oneself about it, but I really believe that MOST of ALL overweight/obesity is caused by nothing more than poor choices and lack of willpower. You know "the easy way."

I agree that there are some people who are "emotional eaters" but that's not everyone, and that's also NOT most of these people. The habit of an emotional eater would be just to eat the "whatever" they wanted. What I believe we're seeing here, what I described in my post, are in the majority, people who just "don't wanna" do the work of learning something new. They want the benefits without the sacrifices (if you can call not eating stuff that hurts you a "sacrifice").

Also? If someone is an "emotional eater" and they know it, then maybe, in addition to being here and working on the OUTSIDE, it would not hurt them to see a counselor and work on the inside as well. Otherwise? Anytime life throws a curve ball at these poor folks, they're right back to square one.

That's no way to live. Survive? Sure, but live? Nah.

:D
~Kimberly

You certainly DO have the right to your opinion. I'm just curious as to why it's so important to you?

Hi there :)


It's important to me because I feel badly when I see other people *repeatedly* put themselves through needless suffering and pain - both physically and emotionially - especially when they have enough moral support here to bolster an army.

I really care about the people to whom I reply every day. I care about their success and their happiness.

I guess I am just quirky that way.

However, I also feel frustration at times, reading what I've read around here, and I felt the need to vent it. I don't think that's really too hard to understand.

:D
~Kimberly

I agree with you that not all people are emotional eaters. Personally, I am not an emotional eater, but I just LOVE ALL food. Which, I think, is why Atkins works for me.

I think it is really hard to watch people put themselves through the " loose weight, gain weight" struggle. It is sad to watch people do that, but don't feel that you have to be the person to take on their issues, or endure their bad eating behaviors. It is THEIR personal decision. And really...thank god for that. Because I think we all have enough to deal with worrying about our own personal goals and health than to take on the weight loss strife of others.

So, they eat a piece of pizza. When I see that, I just say to myself..."Boy, am I glad that wasn't me!" LOL

A lot of people want to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their weight problems.... until someone is ready to admit that the only person who can stop their behavior is themselves there will continue to be the "I ate ****, HELP!" posts.

Temptation is hard to resist unless the individual has made the decision to change. All we can do is continue to provide support and (hopefully) help them realize that they have the power to change themselves.

Oh I don't normally...but how many times have you looked into a HELP! forum, thinking, Oh! I hope I can help only to find the kind of thing I mentioned above?

This is called a Support Forum for a reason, so I think it's right to "Support" people - but when I click on a post, read, see yet more beating around the bush, it irks - and the thing is, until I READ the post, I don't know what they need help with, do I?

"Also, did I mention this was a rant? :p Reason really has no place in it..."

(I think I heard that on Buffy LOL!)

Happy LCing!
~Kimberly

Exactly! :D

~Kimberly
P.S.: As much as I don't wanna right now...would rather read the forum I am of to RUN on my Elliptical!

Ah, I love Germans. They speak the truth. :)

Kimberly, I'm in complete agreement with you. You said it first. You said it best.

It's important because of the accountability factor. If that has to be questioned, then why would anyone need this board?

This forum would not exist if we acted like automations instead of humans. Heck even computers that are programmed don't always follow "the program". The fact that this forum exists so that people can "rant," "whine," "cry," "laugh," etc. is good enough for me. That's what makes life interesting. Can you imagine if we were all "Captain Robot," perfect in every way. Scary! Besides, some of us can only learn from our mistakes.

I think this is an annual cycle the MB goes through, at least that I've detected in the 2+ years I've been here. Lots and lots of people start a low carb diet around new years. A couple weeks into it they're in deep mourning for their old favorite foods and looking for a way to be able to eat them without getting off plan.

I vaguely remember that period for myself, but I knew I could never eat them again without risking everything. Eventually I got over it.

It's a phase. Late summer and the number of refeed/free day threads went down a whole, whole lot. Late autumn people start dropping out of their diets like mad because of the holidays... winter it becomes ghost town. New Years and we start all over again! Or rather they do, I'm a perannual low-carber now.

I also noticed other trends like the nervous new low-carbers asking about bad side effects or good and bad fats. And the raft of constipation questions. If people last until summer-time they've usually figured out what happens to them if they refeed, and the ones that don't... they're the ones that climb back onboard the band wagon the next year. Some exceptions apply!

IMO fat people are likely to have tremendous will-power, developed from years of trying to lose weight while hyperinsulemic. Their lack of success has more to do with the overwhelming odds against them than any character flaw. I think the number one cause of obesity is ignorance. Most people seem to be unaware that carbs can be addictive. An uninformed choice isn't really a choice, and once you have developed hyperinsulemia, all the will power in the world isn't any help, unless you know how to apply it (carb control).

On the other hand, ignorance IS a choice, and to people who think they can have all the benefits without doing any research, I say RTFM!

Wyv

It would be a very dull world indeed if we were all perfect! However...wisdom comes when we learn from experience. Experience is what we get when we make mistakes. The wisest people of all learn from the mistakes of others. Or, as Sam Levenson once said, "You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself." ;)

Great thread!!!!
Be accountable and leave it at that!!

Definitely some good points raised, Kimberly. :)

I think most people stuck on the cheating/restarting hamster wheel would really like to know the answer to the question, "why are other people doing it and I am not? What's the difference between me and you/him/her?" They don't say it in so many words, but... the answer is complex.

The simple answer is similar to what someone has in their sig, and I wish I could remember the source: it's something like, "If you want to lose the weight and keep it off, quit playing around with it. Get serious and commit." If you don't feel that commitment, be happy with yourself as you are and move onto maintenance. There's nothing wrong with that. I bet a lot of people simply feel vaguely pressured to lose weight, anyway.

I personally think there's a stage most people go through, where they're basically mourning the loss of their old way of eating, heading off into the unknown. Seeing some members extolling the virtues of a cheat day, new supplement that lets them eat what they want and lose, etc.. is sort of like the psychics on tv who claim to be able to talk to the dead. The concept of never having things like they were before (even if the change is for the better, in the case of giving up sugary treats) gets to be a little overwhelming, so it's kind of natural, IMO, to wish for the best of both worlds. To still be able to visit what they know really needs to be gone forever.

I, personally, lost weight on CAD, eating more carbs than I can on Atkins. The thing is, I couldn't lose until I gave up the sugary dessert the book SAYS you can have. Other people can, but I can't. Life isn't fair. It just is what it is.

We're all human. Even members who swear they NEVER slip up should remember that "never" is a very long time.

Ranting is good for you...
 

I admire Kimberly for labeling her rant, instead of letting loose in someone else's message...

I believe I posted recently in someone's "Why do I fall off the wagon after 5 days" post by explaining that they are still trying to have it both ways: eat whatever they want and still lose weight.

And no one, in the history of the world, has ever had it both ways.

Yet, we keep trying.

Hi there Kristine and group:

To put it simply I think this is *one* of the reasons why people get on that rollercoaster:

What we low-carbers do and eat is *societally* different.

Therefore, everywhere we go, everyone we share a meal with, every time we are at the family's house we are expected to act and eat one way, and then when we don't instead choosing to stick to our plan, whatever that is, it *stands out* and then we hear comments and concerns of everyone looking to throw their spare change (all those 2 cents worth add up, ya know) into our lives.

They mean well, and they think they know, but they don't.

Also, society has a weird way of looking at food. That combined with the average person preferring to avoid confrontation, especially regarding private things like dietary choices, can lead to a real bugger of a situation.

Here are some examples:
1.) Eat everything on your plate.
2.) (Worse!) Eat everything on your plate or you cannot have dessert.
3.) You are not leaving the table until you finish your potatoes. (How many times have you heard THAT one?)
4.) It is rude to ask what's for dinner if you are invited. So, you have the choice of being offensive by saying no, offensive by asking, offensive by showing up and then not eating it if you can't/should not. So the choice that is not rude? Go and eath that big bowl of whatever they served you.
5.) It is considered rude to *not* have some of each dish when invited to dinner. Like, if I pass on the potatoes, I have had people look at me funny.
6.) It is rude to ask "What's in this?" at the table.
7.) It is often considered rude to ask the waitstaff to make substitutions at a restaurant - so you don't get the your food of choice on your plate and have to either LOOK at it while you eat the rest, tempting you to eat it (people at a restaurant will pick at their plates until someone takes them AWAY! You ever notice that? I know I have done it - so I toss my napkin over the rest of the food), just go ahead and eat it (because no wasting food). No good choices.
8.) Wheat products are HEALTHY!
9.) So much meat/fat must be bad for you.
10.) There's nothing wrong with sugar, it's natural.
11.) Eggs are way too fattening and high in cholesterol
12.) Low-Fat = Good.
13.) Wasting food is bad!

All these things are the things that we have grown up PROGRAMMED with. It's what we have heard all our lives, what we continue to hear every time someone sees us eat an egg, ask what's for dinner, ask if that contains sugar, etc.

I don't *really* believe that as many people are Carb Addicted, as I believe they are Carb BRAINWASHED.

Then, we as a people, turn around and do the same things to our kids - getting them carb brainwashed too, while Mommy has only Chicken and green beans but NO mashed potatoes or bread while insisting that the children finish their supper, but then finishes off the "last little bit" of Mashed Potatoes while cleaning the kitchen NOT because she is carb ADDICTED and cannot help herself, but because "Wasting food is bad!" and because "It's just a little bit!" (Oh come on, we've all done this one, maybe a different scenario, but the same kind of thing and same result.)

Then, I as the Mom in the above scenario, am hungry soon after because my blood sugar spiked and I eat more and more, telling myself I will catch up tomorrow, or the next day, then catch myself in the mirror and then here comes the guilt trip because not only does society say all that stuff up there about "Food Manners" but it also says a BIG HUGE TON OF STUFF I am not going to rewrite here as we've all heard it, about how WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SKINNY!

There's your vicious circle, in a nutshell.

One reason for it I think, anyway...

What do you think?

NOTE: Nowadays, I DO ask what's in it? What are we having? Please NO rice, No thanks on the bread. I have decided it's my life and my body and I will decide what goes into it, and I will say so ih the most polite way possible - but that's as "polite" as I get when it comes to MY food. I am the one who either has to pay for it or eat it or both. Not anyone else.

:D
~Kimberly

Well yeah, I mean everywhere you look, that's what you're being told. Skinny = Good. Skinny = Successful. Skinny = Insert Desire Here.

Also, let me not even get into the ugliness of plus-sized clothing! Unless you break the bank at Lane Bryant or similar, you can forget it.

That's why I am set on being HEALTHY. I don't care if I am considered SKINNY or not anymore.

I know at what size I feel good and look pretty and that's my goal, even if I am not "skinny" at that goal - and at that goal, size 10 or sometimes 12, depending on the clothes (or levis, 34w 36l) just FYI, since I don't have a scale, is right about in the middle of the "recommended" weight for my height. When I am in those sizes, it is right for me.

:D
~Kimberly

Great post Kim.

That's my big bitch with frankenfoods....why keep eating stuff similar to what made you fat in the first place, brownie mixes, or pancakes and syrup, fake chips, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Even if it says "Atkins" or low carb on the package, it will still leave you pining for the real crappola, you'll never get rid of those cravings if you keep feeding them with imitations.

So totally EXACTLY! Agreed 110%

"I don't wanna eat this bad bad stuff anymore...anyone know where I can find a low carb version of this bad bad stuff?"

It's like substituting Heroin with a bottle of liquor a day. Frying pan > Fire?

Crazydangerous thought process.

:D
~Kimberly

That's exactly what I started to write about, then deleted because I thought I was getting way off topic. :D

I think one of the biggest problems newbies will encounter - low carb or otherwise - is assuming that all one has to do is avoid flour, sugar, and "stick to the diet". That translates into white-knuckling and willpower, which almost ALWAYS fails. You have to step back and really make some changes, and the changes can be life-altering. You might have to stop going with your friends to Dunkin Donuts every Friday. You might lose those friends, if they don't support your decision. You might have to ask your family to help you out, and they might resent that. You might have to stop going out to lunch with your co-workers. You might have to stop spending money on convenience foods so you can afford a proper LC grocery trip. You might have to spend more time in the kitchen. If you're not willing to make THESE changes, you can be in serious trouble. They were simple for me to make: I do all the cooking and shopping, I have no kids, and I only work part time, so it was no biggie. But I can see how there are some big hurdles for people, and if you're not willing to get over them, you're going to be swimming upstream.

That may sound overly-dramatic, but I've seen several threads lately to the effect of, "my friends are jealous and don't support me."