farting (and nasty ones too)
 

Fellow LCer's

Now brace yourselves because this is going to get nasty!

Since I have been LCing for 20 - something days now I have had a small problem - farting! Not just any farts either - nasty ones. My BF just text me and told me to change my journal title to-

'I just had something crawl up my arse and die' diet plan

I am talking small nuclear explosions out of me! Poison released into the atmosphere! girls should not be doing these sorts of things.

I was at the gym yesterday and doing this tummy machine where you have to lye down and use resistance weights to do situps. Well I managed about 10 and had to stop for fear of letting one rip in the gym. What a nightmare if I did that one day

Does anyone else suffer from smelly bum or am I the odd one out this time; am I the lemon?

And is there anything else I can look forward to besides constipation, stinky farts and bad breathe? It looks as if I have covered all bases! lol
I am sounding more and more attractive by the minute!!! LOL


:p Jenny

:lol: I am dying here pictureing you at the gym, working on those stomach mussels!
I know it's funny, but really not that funny. Any chance your boyfriend taking the hit for any the slip by?

I do not have that problem, actually I hardly ever release air anymore since starting this eating styly. Notice I said anymore, if I eat certain lowcarb candies, the machine starts purring. :rolleyes:

You might try adding some Magnesium in your diet if you are not already taking it. I am not sure if it will help, couldn't hurt. Magnesium keep me running smoothly, yep no more constipation. I take 500 mg a day, 250 at breakfast and then again at dinner.

It really is funny
 

MaryToU

The thing is - it really is funny! I laugh so much about it because I have always prided myself on having good manners. Now I have to be careful everywhere I go so as not to expel this poison onto unsuspecting passers by! I think it would kill them

I take vitamans everyday but will check up on the magnesium thing. Another stinky day on the Atkins Plan. Yah me!

Jenny

Before I started LCing I would eat some oatmeal in the morning. I finally realized it was giving me horrible gas. I'm sure as bad as you are talking about. Make your eyes water and your bf leave you bad. You know you have bad gas when your bf who can let some pretty nasty ones go, tells YOU that it smells bad and you should stop doing it :)

Are you eating any of those nasty sugar-free candies (with malitol or a related sweetener)? Because they do it to me every time, and could probably be harnessed as an alternative energy source. :)

Hey girls
 

RoseTattoo/ I had some SF sweets in my first week but was told to stay away from them. I have a Smint now if I am desperate and no chocolate this week either. I am just a smelly arse!!

Ms.Kidy/ Boy do I know what you mean. My BF has now warned my that he will pay me back for the stench that seeps out from the abyss! my farts never use to smell. Well like 1 in 50 maybe.

I can't believe that I find this so funny but I really do! I don't know if I can ever go on that situp machine again. I will have to be careful and do it when no one is around so if one slips out I can move away really quickly! No one will think that I could of done a fart like that!!!


Jenny

Hmmm weird, I only get stinky with SF candies. Are you eating a really farty veggie? Maybe experiment with eating less broccoli or some other gassy veggie?

Stumped here!

Heh, I'm glad you find your stinky farts so funny though. I'm proud of the grossest smells that I can create. Like masterpieces!

Angela

I will try other veg. I eat well on this diet, I really do. I look after it when I am at the gym as well.

I will monitor my stinkyness from now on, a fart - o - meter!

Jenny

Heh, we believe you eat well! You must if you're gassy... only good fibers should do that, right?

:D

hey jenny,

you think your bad just wait til i tell you what happened to me once.

i have not had any unusual problems since lowcarbing but before,

one night i was asleep in bed, my hubby and the smoke detector woke me up. i had set it off farting.

it was really bad, the room stunk. my hubby said the paint was gonna come off the walls.

OMG im sooo dying laughin reading this!!!

:lol:

This thread is too funny. I get this same problem when I eat sugar-free sweets with a lot of Maltitol in them, in fact when we were down in California a month ago I bought this Carbo-lite brand of chocolate bars, zero carb. Aside from the fact that they tasted like dirt that was used to cover rotting corpses (excuse my graphic nature) they gave me the smelliest farts that woke me up from deep sleep.

I would also take a look at your cheese or yoghurt intake. I get the same case of smelly fart syndrome when I eat yogurt. Saw my dr. about it in case I was lactose intolerant, but I can do other dairy products fine. He said that some people may be slightly lactose intolerant, and just react to the cultures, etc. in the yogurt. Perhaps that is the same with you?

Well, I'd have to say, from a guys perspective, that this has greatly improved that issue for me. Now I find gas is few and far between, and not something that has my wife kicking me under the sheets about. Given that gas is generated by a breakdown of material in your colon, could it be you aren't getting enough fibre to move things along? That's about the only thing that occurs to me to check if your diet is really normal.

Just a thought...are you still using low carb products with soy in them (like the pasta)? Soy will give me gas from right out of the pit itself. DH was joking one night about green gas that would seep down the stairway from our bedroom like a fog and kill our poor cat with its foulness and musing about whether or not he should get the poor critter a kitty gas mask. Hey...we've been married for nearly 18 years and known each other for nearly 25...he can get away with saying stuff like that and live to tell about it. :rolleyes:
Seriously...you might want to keep track of the foods that you eat and note if it's one or two particular ones that seem to set of the chemical warfare symptoms in the southern regions. Generally, I don't get gas anymore unless I eat a few specific foods like products that contain soy and certain raw veggies.

this has turned out to be the funiest thread ive ever read and participated in. i love it.

its rude, nasty, unfeminine and FUNNY hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

My gas production has diminished since getting on this WOE, but let me tell you a few years ago when I was doing low-fat and they came out with the chips that were cooked in some kind of alternative fat product --- those babies were lethal. I'm a teacher and DH said that if I didn't figure out what caused it and get it fixed before school started, I'd be infamous! :nono:

OMG! This is toooo funny!! Jenny, you're a riot!

I had the same problem BEFORE low carbing and still do if I ingest anything with white flour in it.

In fact, we were going to start a home business based on it. We were going to be a wallpaper removal service. Lock me in a room with a loaf of white bread and stand back. It will FALL off the walls! Please remove all fish, birds, plants and small animals from the premises first as I am toxic to them in this condition. Name of the business? Gone With The Wind!! LOL! (You have to be old as dirt like me to get that movie connection...grin)

Was in a hoity toity dress shop one day and felt a BIG bubble moving. Started for the exit and this determined little salesclerk was trying to cut me off. I zigged...she zagged. Can I help you find something? she yells. Nope..just passing through.I reply. I walk faster, desperate for the exit. She speeds up and gets a grim look of determination on her face. Ah! Escape and relief are near. The door! Bam..she caught up with me....RRRIIIIIIP! OMG!! The look on the that poor girls face when she realized WHY I was in such an all fired hurry. Priceless. So funny I started laughing as I headed for the door and freedom from the stench. And every chortle was accompanied by a staccato chorus of farts. Sigh. So very ladylike. LOL!

In a word ... Beano.

Get thy smelly bum on down to wherever they sell the antacids and Tums, and you'll see Beano tablets and liquid. It's an enzyme that helps to break down gas-causing starches and fibers in plant foods. I recommend the liquid ;) You just put one or two drops on the first mouthful of food and chew well so it gets mixed in. It has absolutely no taste or smell. As someone with Irritable Bowel, I can assure you, this stuff works :)

If the gas is causing you to have some abdominal discomfort, cramps etc .. you might try a simethicone product like Phazyme.


Doreen

Brassica (broccolli, cabbage, cauliflower, collards, mustard, etc...) and eggs both contain a fairly high concentration of sulfur, if memory serves. If you've recently started eating lots of these, you may find you're welcome back indoors once you've adjusted to 'em. Seconded on the Beano.

Wow
 

Wow!

What a response! Some of you are really funny and it's so good to laugh, it jiggles all my fat around! lol
I will take all the advise to heart! I will try anything

I woke up this morning, trumpin like a trooper. According to my son who is five, I stink!

Before LCing he use to say mommy doesn't fart she fluffs. things are a little different now and it's changed to Mommy, why does your bum always stink? Is it your diet?
A few weeks ago he would not come near me as my breathe was steamin too! (that has clearer up now though)

Come on now, there has to be some more funny stories out there. You have to leave your pride outside of this thread.

I use to say 'My farts don't stink and my shit don't smell'
Now I say nothing in the hope that people won't think it came from me!

Bottoms up!

:wave: Jenny

Wow! This has been rather therapeutic for me. Having been brought up in the 40's by parents who had parents who were born in the 1880's I had some pretty restrictive attitudes about this subject...[dare I say it?....farting.....there!] We were never allowed to make noisey ones and always leave the room with never any announcement of the event. And NEVER acknowledge a 'pooping' [as we called it] event with an apology. So....thanks....I guess!

I've never seen Beano available in the UK, despite looking for it all over. I always have to bring some back whenever I go back to the US for a visit. Can't buy melatonin here either.

(Beano is probably another thing that the EU, in its infinite wisdom, has decided is too dangerous for the common people to use safely.) :(

Emily

Unclewayne - I felt this issue needed addressing, and fast! I also thought it would be a little funny. I haven't come across many silly threads and I thought this was a perfect opportunity for some laughs! I can laugh at myself! you can say anything you like, I might find it amusing or even helpful. That's why I posted this thread


tholian8 - If you can't find it in London then I probably won't be able to find it here. I will look though


Jenny

I could bring you back some from my next trip...if you can wait until October. :rolleyes:

Can't get Beano?? Wow, that stuff is so inoccuous .. it's just a digestive enzyme like any you can buy off the shelf at a health food store. I wonder if you asked your chemist there might be something available that's similar?

I did a quick web search, and simethicone/dimethicone products are available in the UK. These help to break up and dissipate intestinal gas bubbles .. on this side of the pond they're considered quite safe and even used to treat colic in babies.


Doreen

More than you ever wanted to know, from the BBC ... http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A673508


Farting Etiquette

In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife: Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ('Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?'1). This rule of behaviour has now been abandoned and gas should be released only after having stepped outside. Persistent failure to abide by this rule may lead to social isolation.

Some more points are:

- If you are a real gentleman and realise that a lady had some small misfortune then you are supposed to plead guilty in her place and formally excuse yourself.

- If you cannot blame the dog because there aren't any around, you may try to shoot an embarrassed look at the nearest of your companions. However, everybody knows this trick and it is extremely likely to fail. The same is true for raising your volume while speaking, or moving your chair in an attempt to cover the sound.

- Pretending to be innocent can help, but only if you manage to keep yourself from asking questions like 'Ooooh, who did that?'. Because everybody knows that whoever smelt it, dealt it, or whoever denied it, supplied it.

- Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven2: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch oven! Dutch oven!' The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable taste.

- Passing wind in a lift is strongly advised against. There is no way for the victims to escape or open a window, and revenge may follow immediately.

- It is wise to stay clear of suspect food well before such important occasions as a job interview, the school ball, receiving a Nobel prize, or asking your girlfriend the 'big' question.

- You should know what's about to happen if someone stretches out their hand to you and asks you to pull their finger. There's danger ahead. Don't do it!

- If everything else fails and everybody is staring at you, you may try to turn the wrongdoing into an accomplishment: put on a proud face, declare it as an achievement, and challenge your mates to beat you with an even louder one. But be prepared for a reply along the lines of 'Pray for your soul because your body is already rotten.'

Acoustics...

The dynamic range of a fart can stretch from 'inaudible' to 'close to deafening'. Without going into too much detail, the sounds are produced by a mechanism comparable to the method used for making music with a brass instrument. There are some artists around who can pass gas on command and even 'play' little tunes. A famous artist of the early 1900s was Joseph Pujol (1857-1945) alias Le Petomane who earned a living from his ability to inhale air into his rectal orifice and to expel it in a variety of noises and tunes. During performances in the famous Moulin Rouge theatre in Paris, he also smoked cigarettes and extinguished candles with his behind, to which a tube was attached. He was a true ventriloquist, one might say.

A relation between volume and flavour of a fart has not been identified. But some people swear that it is the 'silent but violent' ones which can kill olfactive cells up a victim's nostrils

doreen T

thanks for the info on the website! and great little clips! I am sure everyone can identify with one of them!!! lol

I am going to put everything I eat in my journal from Monday to see what is doing this to me. I am a vile beast at the moment. VILE!

Jenny

When folks quit smoking, this is one of the side effects -- as the body detoxifies, it has to get rid of the toxins somehow.

Is it possible that something you've given up in order to low carb was toxic to your system, and your body is now cleaning itself up?

Rainne

But I quit smoking when I started this diet! I wanted to change my lifestyle and couldn't see the point if I was still smoking but can that really cause you to rip em like I have been? They are bad - they are anus erruptus ones!!!


Jenny