Why did you get fat? What did being fat provide for you?
 

That is something that I have been asking myself. Obviously it provided something for me. My getting this fat didn't happen overnight it took years. So why did I make myself fat? Despite all the complaints about being fat it was a comfort zone for me. Now that I am loosing I am starting to get a lot of attention from guys again. I now realize I am not comfortable with the attention I get from men. Don't get me wrong I always got attention from guys, but not to the extreme, and not the same kind of attention. It's weird, because of course I like attention, but then again I don't. This is something that I seriously have to work on. When we went out over the holidays I was with my husband, but was getting the eye and vibes from other men (plural). As soon as I got home I ate a bunch of stuff that I know I don't need (self- sabatoge). This happened 3x so the pattern made me more conscious of it. What does being fat do for you? What do you get out of it. For me I guess it is some type of security.

geocolon, this is a great question and each of us finding our own answers is, I think, crucial to maintaining loss and staying with our WOE in the long term

I relate to what you said in your post. I was a fat kid and when I first lost weight, around age 19, I was pretty horrified by how men suddenly treated me--like a piece of meat--so I understand that sense of feeling safer in an overcoat of fat. I regained some weight after a professor molested me--no big mystery there, eh? The only cure for this fear is my slow (and recent) recognition that I can pick and choose my friends, that I can say no, that I can see shallow or crass or aggressive behavior on a man's part as a great big red flag saying, "stay away from this person." So I'm seeing both their actions and my responses more as a gift than a threat. Whooda thunk?

I've come to believe that metabolism is as important as psychololgy, and that there may be no deep dark reasons for getting fat beyond, "we ate like everyone around us and this is what happened"--at least for some of us.

I'm not one of those folks, though. I started gaining weight at age 5 or 6 and I think the reasons were two, both associated with my mother going to work for 50-60 hour weeks. For one thing, that left me alone with a 12 year old violent sibling who hit me a lot--I honestly think I got fat in order to get bigger and have a better chance to defend myself. Also, I was left alone in my home every afternoon and Saturdays, too. I truly did start to eat for comfort....carbs still bring that temporary sense of comfort and abating loneliness (though in the long run, they do neither). Maybe I even was angry at my mother for abandoning me and ate to punish her--even then I was aware she cared a great deal about dieting and keeping thin herself; my eating clearly bothered her (though not enough to quit buying junk food! -- lol)

The task for me as an adult is recognizing that those were good strategies then--I was doing the best I knew how as a little kid and honor that--but that they are no longer strategies that work for self-protection or for self-comfort or for expressing anger. I have other, more appropriate ways to deal with such feelings now, and I implement them. Carb cravings now alert me that I may well be repressing one of these emotional reactions--fear, loneliness or sadness, anger--and so once again I can view something (the cravings) I once saw as a major hassle as, instead, a gift.

Gina:

I know you are a working Mom - but on Oprah today, they had these women who weighed 287-389 lbs. and they were in a documentary about their lives. It was interesting, because they were into their reasons for being so heavy and how they have to deal with it everyday.

In order to succeed on any diet, program, WOL, you have to sit down, and look deep within yourself and find the true, bone crushing, heart breaking, devasting reason for your own fatness . It is mostly likely a trauma or something of that nature that pushed you into fatness.

Once you know your personal reason, only then can you go forward and accomplish your goal. Until you know and accept your personal reason, each attempt at losing weight will mean nothing. This is the premise behind BoB Greens "Get With the Program" book.

I am in the process of dealing with this myself, and once I can acknowledge it and stop blaming others, then I can be successful.

Thought I would share,

A Thin Me

Mine's pretty easy I became fat when I launched through a windshield. Eating certain types of food provides a modicum of pain relief in a narcophobic world.
Jo

I can honestly say that I "got fat" because of an autoimmune disorder that went undiagnosed for more than six years. I'd gained 20-30 lbs. in two years' time, and kept getting heavier every year after... It's taken 9-10 months just to get back to a semblance of normal health.

For me it started
 

with pregnancy. I went from 97 pounds to 185. Lost that in a hurry. Then one year I started getting tremendous headaches. I started gaining weight uncontrollably and was 240 pounds 8 months later. I was diagnosed with a empty sella syndrome with a pituitary tumour. The endocrinologist trying to help my feelings, indicated to me that I should be happy I only weight 240, he has patients with this problem who are up to 450 pounds with this. I know he was trying to help but....... Why I haven't lost it since then, I think in part weight loss will be difficult plus I think I was depressed for many years and hid in my house so that I wouldn't have to listen to all the derogatory comments from people, especially from family.

I will not discount that some people may gain weight as a result of some emotional trauma or vulnerablity. Food is often synonymous with comfort and love in many cultures. I know that was not my problem however and I get rather incensed at doctors who, for YEARS, blamed me. One actually told me, "Well, just shut your fat mouth and don't stick anything in it!" :eek: I am one of many I suspect who have a genetic and biochemical basis for obesity. I believe my insulin was always slightly high, even as a child, because I could not lose weight on a weight-watchers type diet. I stuck to it faithfully and while, at that stage, I only had maybe 35 lbs to lose (age 16), I couldn't budge them. I finally quit WW because the counsellors there accused me (in a public meeting, no less) of cheating on my plan and then lying about it. Well....looking back...no, I couldn't budge anything while eating 60% carbs as their program was at that time. I kept trying to eat "right" (ie, lowfat, high carb) which only aggravated my insulin resistance. Then came progestin-based birth control (minipill, norplant, depo) and all hell broke loose. No matter what I did, I was gaining 10lbs a year, steadily. (progestin is known to increase insulin resistance).

Fast forward to last August (age 33) when I FINALLY found a doctor to test my insulin. It was off the chart. Enter Metformin and reduced carb eating and voila! Weight loss and also cessation of all of my insulin-related symptoms.

Sometimes I could just sit and cry when I realize that I might have been able to prevent a 120lb gain if I knew then what I know now. Well, at least I know it now, and am on the way to reducing the damage done. I just hope others with the same insulin biochemistry can benefit from my (our) experiences and not have to go through the frustration of being blamed for something which had nothing to do with mental distress or eating too much.

I feel the same sense of frustration. My doctor(s) kept patting me on the head and telling me my physical problems were all stress related... might as well have been calling me honey or sugar while they were at it. I'd had a host of symptoms every day for six years (and gained 45 lbs. on top of that) and it was all caused by "nerves" LOL.

I could have avoided all the depression, malnutrition, nerve/joint damage and dental cost of fixing my (osteo) cracked teeth if someone had just *listened* to me like I was a human being. Guess I'm still quite surly about it all :D

I weighed pretty much the same for years and years and years....

My binging on sweets started when I went into a terrible depression after my Mom passed on. I quit giong to the gym, quit doing most everything! I just filled myself with with cookies, cake and candy! Then I decided to quit smoking... in place of every cigarette, I had more sweets. I put on a total of 50 pounds and then had extreme stress from other things in my life.
I went back to the cigarettes and all food took a back seat. Some of the weight came off and then I started Lcing with this forum.

I still plan to quit smoking again... but this time I'm doing it right.
First, I want to get to my weight goal and have the excercise a regular part of my day. Then, I plan to quit and replace the cigarettes with more water, and more excercise!

I guess I need to learn not to turn to my addictions in times of unrest.
Ellie :wave:

Life
 

Life threw me a bunch of curves and eating was my stability. For 3 years I went through medications and ended up with 40 extra pounds.

I did manage to loose all of my weight and more after my son was born, but slowly it went back on after 5 years. I am now at a stage in life, where I want to look and feel good about me. Enough is enough for me.

I want out of this body!

Gilta

I can't use my children as an excuse for gaining weight as I was back into my size 10 jeans 2 weeks after having them! I was so busy with them I forgot to eat most of the time & any excess weight I was carrying dropped off me. I'd started gaining weight gradually till meeting my current boyfriend, when I put on a lot of weight. He likes to eat out a lot & spoil me- & spoiling the old Daisy involved lots of chocolate! He's a big guy & I still felt small beside him, so it wasn't so bad. And to be honest I loved him being so big- I'm hoping he doesn't lose too much of his lovely deep chest that I like to snuggle into so much!

I hated being big myself though. I was chubby as a child & my mum never let me forget it. I remember feeling huge, like a whale, & was too shy to exercise. Now I look back at photos of me then & I really wasn't that big. I lost a lot of weight during adolescence & weighed 100lbs at 16 when I met my ex. His pet names for me were piggy & fatty. Can you believe I actually had children with this guy? I really don't know why I put up with this behaviour from people. I didn't even tackle my mum about it until last year, not long before I started this WOE. I'd taken some old clothes along for my little sister, as they didn't fit me any more. I was eating some lunch & she was going on & on at me about how much weight I'd put on, & I just snapped & yelled at her that if I ever lost weight she'd only need to find something else to criticise me about. She was really horrified- I think she genuinely didn't realise how much she'd hurt me. My ex I got my own back on every time he begged me to take him back. ;)

Once I got rid of my ex I gained a lot of confidence, but that started to go with every pound I put on. Not that I'd ever be unfaithful to my boyfriend, but I love to flirt & I just stopped after a while. I really did wonder who'd find me attractive again. I felt angry & disappointed with myself more than anything, for turning back into 'the fat kid'.

I'm so much happier now! I feel like the old Daisy again. I'm always telling people about Atkins- sometimes I even want to run up to people on the street!- but for some reason they think they couldn't stick to it, or you get the usual 'it must be bad for you' routine! :rolleyes: Even though they can see the results in me! You can lead a horse to water...!

Thanks for listening to my moan! :D

Daisy :wave:

Wow. I guess we do all have our own cross to bare. I can identify with each and everyone of your stories the medical reasons too. At my heaviest I was diagnosed with diabetes. The meds my doctor gave me (glucotrol and actos)made me gain about 20 1bs in 6wks. That is what led me to this way of life (thank God). Sometimes something bad happens so something better can take it's place. I am glad to be an adult now. It's sad that the time that is supposed to be the most special in your life can actually be the hardest (child-hood). I am older now and respect myself. I am confident that I will be better able to defend myself this time around. You guys are the bestest :)

How I became fat
 

Ever since I was 8 I've been told I was fat by my Dad. Pictures of that time say different. By the time I got to High School I had been on so many diets and restrictions that it got pretty confusing for me. I remember I was allowed one piece of toast with a tsp of butter for breakfast. I could have another piece of toast with a single hamburger on it and 1 tsp of A-1 sause. That was lunch. Dinner was 2-3 onces of meat. A baked potatoe and a 1/2 cup of veggies (not corn though). I was hungry all the time. So where my sisters. But I never lost weight. Why? because I was at goal already! I remember weighing 100lbs when I was 12. That's good for a 12 year old who was 5'4"!

Finally I got to college and I ate what I wanted. I gained 60 lbs but in the spring my eating became only when I was hungry and I lost 30lb. When I got home from Tassle pulling (Pulling tassle off corn in fields) I would go swimming with friends. I ended being 140 lbs at 5'8". What happened when I got back to school? I was attacked twice by male friends that I knew. I gained weight to hide. It was only 8 years ago when I realized what I was doing so I went on diets. But nothing worked. I even did a fast and I gained two pounds! Nothing worked but low carbing.

Two years ago, I was going for my routine female exam and I had a new doctor, she looked through my records and said, "Oh I see that each of your pregnancies were sugar babies."
Which I found out ment that I had diabetes when I was pregnant and no one told me. My Daughter was born 8lbs 3 oz and my son was born 12lbs 13oz.
Big babies.

So I told my regular doctor about my mother's diabetes and my grandparents. He tested me and I don't have diabetes... but I'm close. So low carbing is the best thing for me.
And with counsilling, I feel I don't need to hide, that and a few martial arts classes as given me confidence to face what ever weight I'm at. :)

I have been overwheight all my life. I remember diets and slimfast at age 10. My mother alsways reminded me of my wheight by telling me I shouldn't eat that or I should eat this and then giving the forbiden thing to my sister( who has always been thin)
add these self esteem issues to Fibromialgia and IBS probably since I was a young teenage but not diagnosed untill I was in my 20's and you get me at 27 and 223 lbs.
My issue though was always controll, I would binge eat whenever no one was around. Even as an adult. BECAUSE I COULD. Now I have controll in a healthy way.

OMG! Some of you have some really heart-wrenching experiences that made you gain!

Like squeezle and surlymel, I know in my heart that I always had a quick and strong insulin response. Even as a child. As I told someone on this board- I think it was LC Sponge, I always ate healthy as a child. We had meat, eggs, cheese, veggies from our garden, but NOT that many carbs, and hardly EVER sweets unless it was someone's birthday. Because of this, I didn't have any trouble w/ eating and weight ( sounds like all of us LC-ers NOW, doesn't it?) ;) Also, it was before techno- toys, we were poor, :D and we went OUTSIDE and PLAYED all the time, even into our teenasge yrs, we would get a softball game together!

Anyway, what my ramblings mean is, when I became an adult, moved out and discovered junk food, BOY did my body respond to THAT!! At first it was just 5 # or so over 5 yrs.(I'm very short), but it just kept coming on and after kids, it was like 170, and I am pretty CERTAIN I WOULD BE a LOT more than 155, if I hadn't spent all those yrs. STARVING and working out like a maniac. Which of course we all know backfires in the end and MORE comes on...... THIS is what happens from the insulin response. Although I never had a Dr. say to me what yours said, I had my mother-in -law on my back endlessly makin comments like I was no longer good enough for her son. Lucky for me HE never made comments like that(bless him). And a brother in law of mine said that "I must be really tossing back the groceries" (down my throat). That hurt. Little did he know, I was mostly starving.

YB :daze:

So many reasons...so much pain...
 

Wow, what a pointed question! This is something I have been reflecting on, especially recently to prevent subconcious sabotage. Close to halfway to goal, I am refocusing on strengthening my body and my emotional resolve. To not "cave" to the internal pressure to hide behind myself.

They gotta really like YOU and not just what you look like...I don't buy that one and many other old tapes anymore...I think each person has to reach pretty deep and sometimes uncover and relive painful comments &/or experiences...wether you have an insulin response problem or not most all have experienced discrimination and shame from others because of our "package". What did we tell ourselves when that happened? Getting to the bottom of negative reinforcements is a part of my whole plan. Standing up for myself and not buying what a commercial world says is beautiful- is another.

For me having family support is/has been paramount and has helped me to feel strong enough and loved enough "just the way I am" to take a chance. The fear of failure was just so strong. Now it's so far back that I will never let it in the driver's seat again.

Thanks for the question geocolin and thanks to all who have shared.

Bsayne

Wow, great thread. I haven't had time to read it all just yet, but had to reply to it.

I was always thin when young (maybe even under weight). I was fed only three meals a day, no snacking was allowed. Although the Adults in the family snacked, for some reason we kids were not allowed to?

I got married at a young age (18) I gained a few pounds I figure cause I had my own fridge and was able to buy what ever I wanted. I suppose this was the beginning of my carb addiction? I never got over weight during this time.

In my early twenties the kids began. My weight just went right up after kids. I don't blame the kids so much. I blame me. I put my life on hold you could say. My life was my kids.

My life was my kids right up until last year. Finally with them almost moved out (they are now, except one returns from college), I started looking at me (this around my birhtday last year).


I have become lazy. Not so much in work, or home life being with cleaning and cooking etc but more so for not going out, especially the winter time.

I was watching something on t.v. the other day and noticed a commercial I think it was for around Christmas time. Folks were out ice skating etc. Heck I use to do this when younger and loved it. Now,with the winters, I just stay in renting movies or sit here in front of this thing. Not much activity with this now is there?

I think your activity changes when older, at least for me it has. When sitting in front of a t.v. one can get bored (I know I do) and ends up visiting the fridge frequently. I'm sure this doesn't help, especially in evenings and then going to bed!

Not guilty
 

I have examined my concience and find no trauma, no genetic tendendency, no binging no act of will that resulted in me being overweight.

In fact, I have until relatively recently been quite comfortable with my "overweightness". even joking with people that I was not overweight just undertall!

I was the sort who never had breakfast, took a fast lunch or "liquid" lunch in the City, smoked and took the odd mint in the afternoon, and would eat late in the evening and often had a midnight snack. I ate roughly the same as my thin colleagues and perhaps drank less (alcohol) at lunch times.

My job is basically behind a desk and over the years my weight has gone up and down perhaps more in line with the sport and other activities and perhaps most markedly with the wordwide locations and climates that I have worked as a business consultant. I was at my lightest during my stay in East Africa and Asia; my heaviest during the four years in the..... USA!

I have the classic middleaged spread with too much stomach hanging over the belt. ( have lost 3" since LC). I gave up smoking nearly 20 years ago and what ever I gained then I lost, regained ,lost ,and regained again. I have crash dieted before company medicals so that I would not get shouted at by the Dr. who would tell me to eat breakfast and eat less fat. Whatever weight came off by diet.... it was 6lbs off then 7lbs put back on. Yo-Yo until I got so frustrated that I began to believe what I now know to be true...dieting can make you fat!

If I graphed my weight over my adult life it would be a very irregular graph with a gradual tendency up. I have a wardrobe that is a bit like a menswear store I could line up the sizes or my shirts 16.5",17",17.5". Not being able to find XXL was becoming a problem. Frankly I could not afford to be buying any more clothes as I outgrew them.

So last spring I decided to reverse the trend. I joined a gym first with my wife (who can tell a similar story). We would have a go together. A lot of effort not much result. We tried the Heart foundation three day diet .. lose 10lbs in a week it said.. I didn't.
:idea: THEN the light went on I was surfing the net for new diets and found a description of high protein- low carbohydrate.

Now it all made sense. I knew it! I said to myself. I was right . I had not been overeating I had just been eating the wrong stuff.
I could for the first time explain the vagueries of my body which I had become convinced had a mind of its own (gaining weight on a fast etc.). I jumped in with two feet a newbie who did not know what he was doing. Eventually bought Atkins and then Protein Power and started properly on 1st November 2001.

I can now choose not to be fat. It is a great feeling.

Great thread!! Thanks for starting it!!

I think figuring out if there is a psychological problem around the weigh problem is a very important step on the journey to being a slim trim healthy vibrant human being.

I believe that my weight problem has a combination of causes. Firstly, I believe that I have a slow metabolism and insulin resistance. I grew up in a household where we ate very healthy. No junk food in our house, and unlimited quantities of fruit and vegetables. If I wanted a snack...fruit was what I grabbed everytime. Though I was eating what was considered "healthy", it sure wasn't healthy for me. The second cause for me is psychological. I've always used my weight as a barrier and protective layer. It helped to keep men at arms length. I feel that I've now worked through all of that and THIS time will be able to reach and maintain at my goal!

Marlaine

great thread
 

I too am one who has thought all my life about what i was fat when i was really average size but came from a family of thin people.

i know i used food as a comfort growing up, hiding potato chips under my bed because i wasn't allowed to eat them. i grew up in an alcoholic household so while the parent was not abusive there was a lot of stress and arguing going on. I was a very nervous kid who covered it by being the chubby girl with the good personality and was very athletic. i had an hour glass shape with large chest and carried weight in hips and rearend but again family and my friends were all teeny (size 2 & 4).

Anyway on with the story. in my twenties i would go up and down, starve/binge and finally about 6 years ago i lost 90 pounds. i did this by low fat/exercising daily and basically starving. Now the twist of the story.......after growing up with an alcoholic and having several family members who drank to excess I became an alcoholic. I stopped drinking through AA and a Higher Power who has done what I could not do for myself and have dealt with a lot of the issues of my childhood. BUT.....Due to the lack of sugar from the alcohol my body craved sugar and for the 1st six months i was sober i lived on diet coke and chocolate. i carried a bag of those little hersheys miniatures in my purse everywhere i went! I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny when i packed on 65 pounds the first year of sobriety and haven't lost it.

Thank Heavens I found Atkins. It has made me realize that I am not a lazy glutton without willpower. My body had basically become immune to low fat because i had gone up and down for so many years. Atkins is working when nothing else did.

sorry to go on so long just got motivated and couldn't stop.

I've thought about this very subject several times over the last several years. I can't think of a single tramatic event that would be to blame for my weight. I know what has made me suddenly want to change my eating habits now, and I know a few contributing factors that made my weight worse, but I can't pinpoint an initial reason.

In fact, I think my problem may have been the opposite of a "problem". I have always been a happy optimistic person, so I've never really been depressed because of it. It never stopped me from having boyfriends, fitting in, doing anything I wanted. My weight had not ever been a PROBLEM. And I had been thin before, and although I was happy then, I was no happier then, than I was when I was fat. I accomplished a lot and felt a lot of happiness while "fat".

I went horseback riding and camping in the backcountry of Montana when I was fat. I wrote a successful book when I was fat. I had a great long term relationship when I was fat. I had great jobs that I enjoyed when I was fat, including large size modeling. I met and married the man of my dreams when I was fat. I had a heart problem, got a pacemaker, and survived it, when I was fat. I bought several horses, bought a horse trailer with living quarters, traveled all over Missouri with my horses while I was fat. I could usually work circles around 17 and 18 year old kids while they complained about being tired, when I was fat, twice their age, and half their health. I have just always had a happy, exciting, and incredibly blessed and lucky life. All while I was fat.

And I was never a clothes horse. In fact I was always the opposite. I wouldn't hesitate to spend a few hundred dollars on a saddle, but it would just absolutely infuriate me to spend even eight dollars on a pair of jeans. :p

I adore my parents, they are my best friends, along with my sister, two brothers and husband. None of them have ever been anything but loving and supportive. Don't get me wrong, they're not perfect, but close. We fought when we were kids over stupid stuff, but nothing serious. In fact we often joke around that in the world today, we're the weird ones. There just aren't as many close, and "functional" instead of dysfunctional, families out there as there used to be.

I just didn't see the need to deprive myself of eating all the things I loved, when I was happy the way I was. I always said that I'd probably go on a diet and lose weight the day my weight became a problem for me. Like if I couldn't mount my horse, or it started to make me feel bad.

And that is exactly why I'm changing my WOE now. I guess it all caught up with me finally, and now I had been feeling bad, lost my strength and endurance, and honestly couldn't mount my horse without having a large rock around or putting him down in a ditch. LOL The kicker was going on a two week camping and riding adventure this fall that I had been dreaming about for years. There were a couple of days where I guess my blood sugar was all out of whack and I slept away the whole day. Sleeping away several days of my dream vacation was the last straw.

Anyway, if a tramatic event, or unhappy childhood or life is always behind every weight problem, I think I'm in trouble. I'm doomed to always fail at weight loss, because I just don't have anything like that. Am I the only weird one here? Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's fat for no real good reason.......

I'm sorry this is so long, and I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging about my "wonderful life". But I watch Oprah, and read different books and such about this theory that SOMETHING is always behind a weight problem, and although I've wracked my brain, I honestly can't think of anything. If fact the only two things in my past that I can think of that even hurt my feeling a little was when I was a teenager, and still quite thin at the time (about 130 pounds), a guy I dated a few times once told me he thought I was so pretty, but I'd be so gorgious if I would just loose a few more pounds. And one of my Aunts once made a cruel comment to me when I bought my sister a full lenth mirror. She said, "Oh, you bought one of those mirrors that make you look thinner. I guess you did that so she wouldn't notice if she started to gain weight and get heavier like you." Again, I was thin at that time. Yes, my feelings were hurt at the time, but I don't think they "scarred" me to the point of causing me a weight problem. So, I'm at a loss.

When I reached my goal weight 2 yrs ago through Weight Watchers I was unprepared for all the male ogling I was getting. I had just been through a very rough period in my marriage and although we had gone to counselling and had worked a lot of stuff out, I struggled with a lot of ambivalence about continuing my marriage.

When trust has been broken it takes awhile to heal. Getting male attention exacerbated the situation since I sometimes thought maybe I should start over with someone new, someone who hadn't betrayed my trust. And yet at the same time I was committed to my marriage which I had suffered so much pain to save. It was very confusing.

I fell into a depression. I slacked off on exercise and rebelled against the WW program. I gained 10 lbs which made me feel even worse. But I managed to stay at that weight for about a year until I tried going vegetarian again. Big mistake! Then I tried a food combining plan which emphasized fruit in the morning. Very bad for me! Sets me up for insulin surges and sugar cravings all day. I NEED protein in the morning. And I have to be careful to always eat a fat and protein with fruit to prevent insulin ups & downs. Anyway through following this plan I went up another 8 -10 lbs.

Once I was no longer thin, I felt safe, normal, like the majority of the other moms, I'd see around town. I just don't like my body as much with this jelly-belly roll and back bacon! :p (I'm an apple and gain my weight through my middle.) It was great feeling sleek and trim. And besides most of my best clothes no longer fit.

I think I'm more mentally ready to deal with achieving my goal weight. My marriage is stable again. And I solved the problem of male attention in a rather unique way. Last spring on a whim I decided to colour my hair blonde. I don't know about having more fun but blondes definitely get checked out more by men. I've become accustomed to it now and have learned to ignore it. When I reach my goal I intend to go back to my natural brown. Don't want the guys falling over in the streets! HA! :D

About the attention from guys...
 

I gained 40 lbs in the past 4 years...and I too, often ask how did this happen? The way I've answered it have been in three ways:

1. I always thought since I had a pretty face, my bod could handle a few pounds.
2. I've always been "big," but really I realized I've always been taller, not bigger.
3. Finally, when I'd got home after a night of guys flirting and paying attention to me, I would have tons of confidence, which allowed me to eat. The versa of that would be that when I was in a horrible mood, food was my comfort and if I was eating badly, I would say, "who really cares anyway." Man, so much has changed in my life.

Erin

Why did you get fat? What did being fat provide for you?
 

I too, like many, have been overweight all my life. Have tryed every diet know to man and lost and gained, lost and gained. Approx 10 years ago, I created my own diet plan. Somewhat simalar to our WOL. Mostly tunafish sandwiches and black coffee, white rice, veggies, salids, and lots of exercise. Knowing now, the damn bread on the sandwiches and rice was the problem, I'm so mad I was so close to the key to all this. Lost 30 lbs in 5-6 months and couldn't lose anymore in the next 6-months, I did what everybody else does and gave up. Now years later, and close to approaching 300-lbs, I find this WOL and it makes so much sence.

Anyway, being overweight has, in reflecting, caused me to be unhappy, most of the time, discontent with life in general, has made me feel that life is so unfair, shy around women, and a bit of a recluse / hermit in general.

Now, being pretty close to goal, and dropping from a 46 inch waist to 38-36inch, I'm being noticed by women who would have never looked at me before, and I'm (in my friends eyes) a role model for most. So many people keep saying things like, "What happen to you" (in regards to the weight lose) now I'm more selfconcious about myself and constanting making sure I look thin. I seem to be getting more critical of myself now than before. ie: friends say, your thin enough. I say I need to lose a little more yet. I'm hoping I'll adjust to the new me, when I get there in my own mind.

I guess, in a nutshell, I am becoming what I always wanted to be, a thin / in shape person and not having the past experience of being thin for years, I'm having a hard time adjusting to it.

If you have always been thin, you don't know the pain of being fat. If you've always been fat, you can understand what it's like to be thin???

I guess it's just hard for me to understand how to live now being on this side of the street for a change.

This shows what being fat all my life has done to me. Basically : Total confusion of how to live life in general.

Cheers, John

PS: Don't get me wrong, I'm am getting happier with life. ;)

John2001,
 

I can not agree with you more. It's almost like on the one hand, I want people to notice that I no longer am chunky, but then on the other, I feel completely uncomfortable with their reactions, but then again on the flip side, I'm constantly dressing to expose (conservatively) the weight that I've lost.
I gained thirty lbs. during my first three years of college, so this is how all my friends have seen me since we've met. But they have no idea that I gained another 10 during my senior year (those being my last 10 to lose), and I want to tell them I have another ten, but then they always say "your thin enough."

When I first started highschool (eight years ago), I think I got there the moment when eat disorders really "took off." I understand people have be anorexic (and other things as well) for years, but of my six closest friendest three of them have been hospitalized for eating disorders. And I can't even tell you how many more I know that weren't even my bestfriends. The president of my highschool in 1997 (I graduated in 1998) was on the was on the cover (of I think) Time exposing her eating disorder. So for me, I think all my friends think I;m going to get too skinny or get an eating disorder. Even my bf has started to nag me about the dumbest things in my mind.

Everyone will just have to get used to us, in our new bodies (as will we).

Good Luck on hitting your goal.

~ LauraVonk :wave:
Don't feel bad. Not everyone is an emotional eater. Some people have medical issues that make them gain weight. Some people are happy being fat (I was one of them). That is what made me ask myself that question. Gina why did you let yourself get so fat? What does being fat do for you? As I look over the post I realize that it is not one specific issue/or traumatic event for me it is many, but being aware of the problem is the only way I can truly begin to solve it. ;) Reading over everyone's post is really therapeutic, and it may lead someone [who never thought about it] to the underlying issue (if there is one). :)

I didn't ever think this kind of post would ever come up. So you will have to excuse me while I put this out in public.

I HATE being fat. I have been fat for almost my whole life. My mother said I started to gain weight in grade 1. Can't really remember. I too am one of those people who skips breakfast and usually lunch. I ate a standard size supper. I have been eating like this for about 10 years. I always put weight, never lost.

Being fat has caused me to be a very shy person. And a very depressed person. I tried booze, drugs, anti-depressants. Anything to raise my mood. I never have had a girl friend. (Well, I guess I did have one, she cheated on me within a week). I feel like I have missed out on so much of life. I am too shy to go dancing or talk to new people. Never really been invited to parties that my "friends" go to. I think that is because I might ruin their chances of getting a girl at the end of the night. I would have loved to play sports but my mind doesn't let me. Hey remember buddy, you are too fat to run!!!

My family always puzzeld my. Mom was always on my case about being big, but she would make me a peanut butter and honey sandwich on white bread to make me feel better when I was younger. ANd she never tried to help me lose it. Just liked to point out that I am fat. My dad always called me fats or chubs pretty much until he passed away. Bro and sis well, they are much older than me but they teased me a lot. My brother liked to pinch my man boobies.

They said high school and college should have been the best years of my life. Sometimes during those years I was almost suicidal. Why are people so cruel. Does it make them feel better about themselves or what? Right now I should be happy, I got a great job, a nice place with all the creature comforts. But the lonliness really sets in sometimes. And the lonliness I know sets in from being fat and having 0% self confidence.

I am glad this forum is here. I hope I didn't sound like I am feeling sorry for myself. It is stuff I have wanted to say for a long time but never knew where or when. On this diet I am trying that old adage, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I have lost some weight but the mirror still scares me.

Thanks for listening.

Cableguy

Erin4980 // Cableguy
 

Erin4980.
I couldn't agree more with your statements.

It's good to see I'm not the only one that feels this way, in regards to how others view us. It's such a shock to them, when they see the change in our appearance, isn't it?
--------------------------------------------------------------

Cableguy,
I hear you! I hope the venting helped. Most of the stuff you said, rings so close to home with me too. I hate being fat and before this WOL, nothing seemed to work for me. I just got tired of trying anymore and accepted what life had dealt me.

I used to have coffee for breakfast, and average lunch and sometimes skip dinner. Never eat 3-meals a day. Sometimes didn't eat for a couple days at a time. People always looked at me and said things like, " you don't look like you ever miss a meal " or " your eating good " I used to defend myself by saying, I guaranty I eat less than you or half as much as you, my body just won't cooperate with me.

I really think that being fat has damaged me mentally and emotionally. I couldn't ever get past the way I looked, to feel comfortable asking a pretty gal out on a date. (someone would usually later tell me that the gal liked you, but wished you were a little thinned, but you are a nice guy) Ohh, if that's not a kick in the butt, I don't know what is.

One difference between us I noticed is. The "invited to party's by freinds" Now I'm not talking, "true friends" of course, but I would get invited most of the time, guess they figured with me there, they would have a better chance of picking up the lady's. Lesser of the evils I'd guess. Or , there's that decent looking guy but fat with that average guy, but he's thin. The decesions people make. When we are thin and no longer that "fat guy" in the corner, they come around again and this time, "we" will have to be just as petty as they were. Thinking evil thoughts, my mind wanders to getting decked out in some nice clothes and going out on the town where all these people are. Let them take notice and maybe get interested in us, then let them make a move to approach us. Lead them on a while and end result say something like, I got over being fat, but you can't get over being: petty or you, or cruel. Something to remind them that we can change ourselves for the better and they will always be the same. *Guess I'm doing a little venting now! :rolleyes:

Well, in any case, that part of your life is over, the new you is coming! Put your mind to this (it's always on mine) WOL and give it 110% effort. Make small goals for yourself and even if you fall a little short, time to time, don't worry, you'll get there.(I wanted to be at 200 by 01/01/02, missed by 15-lbs)

Just think, you'll be like me, worrying on how to adapt to the new you. I think it's harder than hiding the fat. I believe I'm more uncomfortable now, with my appearence in mind, than I was before, if you can believe it. :rolleyes:

Anyway, stay the course, stay with us, stay true to yourself. We will all get to the end of our journeys, together!

Cheers, John

Cable guy. I'm glad you can see some of the good things you have going on in your life. I know people can be cruel. My kids are overweight and they are going through the harrassment at school. Only thing different from them [my kids] and us is that they will stand up for themselves. I too like a lot of us on here had a parent who was always pointing out how fat I was (looking back at my pictures during that time I was no where near fat), and putting me on starvation diets. Just like someone else posted I too had the hamburger pattie w/ a tomatoe for dinner once. It is one thing when you hear you are not ok out side from the public, but when it is reinforced at home it just makes it all the worse. First thing dude is that you have to love yourself. So what you are fat. Is that the worst thing someone can say about you? I've been thin and had someone cheat on me, not been invited to parties, been abandoned, not picked. But.... I know that I am one helluva person, and if someone doesn't want to get to know me for whatever reason then it is their lost. You sound like a great guy. The person that cheated on you was of weak character. That does not reflect on you. Women love men who are confident- No let me correct that people love other people who are confident regardless of size. You have a great job, and it sounds like you have everything going for you. Make your self give your self a compliment every day. Then every time you look in the mirror pick out something that you like about yourself. Should I say make your self look in the mirror? :) It may sound stupid, but it works. The same way it works when you beat yourself up all day everyday. You are going to get the weight of this time, because this is a wonderful way to loose weight and live. If I can do anything to help boost your self confidence let me know. I'm here. :rose:

Why am I fat?
 

I have thought alot about this. First of all, I know I don't eat more than others. Many of my thinner friends eat lots more than I do. I was just eating the wrong foods for me.

My fat is a shield. I have lost weight before, and although I want people to notice, I am uncomfortable when they do. No, that doesn't make sense, but you asked. I feel as though they will see the real me, all my insecurities and imperfections. My fat protects me from that.

I do P.R. work for a living, and although I love many things about it, I feel physically sick when I have to make a speech in front of all those people. I KNOW I will make a mistake, and people will see that I am not the confident person I pretend to be.

I found solace for the stress of this job in the company of chocolate. Chocoalte and lots of soda to wash it down. Always made me feel better, for a short time. But then I keep having to buy larger clothes. I have gone from a size 10 to 16 in two years. Also am on a lot of Boards, and the meetings revolve around lunch or dinner.

I have thought of leaving this field, but I like the money and the perks that come with it. I like people, and my job allows me the freedom to help others and make a difference. Sounds cheesy, but it's true.

I'd like to go for my Master's in Counseling, but I cannot quit my job to do the 450 required hours of internship. Plus my son is still in school, and I want to be home for him at night. This job takes away alot of that time as it is. I'm a single mom, so there are few options.

I'm not trying to whine. This is my life, and I know I am responsible for it. Actually, putting this all in writing is helpful. It's stuff I've been tossing around in my mind for some time. I have considered going to a counselor myself, to try to work this out. Funny, I want to be a counselor, but I feel that I will be "weak" if I go to one myself. :rolleyes: