Now that wasn't very nice of him. Bumba clad jamaican boy!

Funny though, I use to travel to Jamaica all the time because the men there seem to be the only ones that liked me and didn't mind my size. In fact, they use to tell me how much they loved the bigger women and that this was their women of choice. Of course, I knew it was just because the blood clads just wanted to get out of there to come to America, but I didn't care, I just loved all the attention they gave me. I loved them coming up to me all the time, making sure I was never alone, I always had a date if I wanted, they always wanted to be your boyfriend for whatever amount of time you were going to be there. Besides, it was my vacation and I knew that I would have a blast. I felt so confident there that I would adorn my bathing suit without a thought. I thought I looked darn good too.I must look good...I'd say to myself...because all these men keep telling me so. Quite a few have even asked me to marry them. Again, even though I know it was just them trying to see what they could get out of an American women or trying to get their way to the States. I really didn't care...I always had such a blast everytime...then I come back to America...and I'm just the big fat lady again.


Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart ~Psalms 37:4

When I was little I weighed 120 pounds and I wasn't even 5' tall, and I couldn't buy clothing in any of the "cool" little girl stores like limited too because I didn't fit into any of it!! left the mall crying several times because no one accepted girls who didn't buy their clothing there :( experiences like that made me super conscious about my weight and too shy to make friends before high school :/ so that even when I was 5' 4" and 120 pounds, having not gained any weight, I THOUGHT I WAS FAT!!

I'm game. In no particular order:

#1) Being afraid my weight will affect my daughter's social development
#2) Refusing to have a family portrait done because of the way I'd look in it.
#3) Refusing to look at myself in the mirror.
#4) Clothes shopping for functionality rather than pleasure ("Is that shirt long/loose enough to hide my stomach?", "Do those pants stretch?")
#5) Buying only stretch pull-on denim pants (Goes along with #4, I guess)
#6) Avoiding taking my daughter to fairs and amusement parks because I'm terrified I won't be able to fit on the rides.
#7) Hating putting on a swim suit, but doing it anyway so my daughter can swim.
#8) Mother/daughter overnight summer camp.
#9) Having to squeeze into a booth.
#10) Knowing no one will ever love me the way I look now. (boy, that sounds pathetic!)
#11) Hearing my mother talk about needing to lose weight herself, when she's 2 inches taller and 40 pounds lighter. And then hearing all about WW after she's joined.
#12) Hearing my sister talk about how she had to gain weight before she could pass a physical for one of the armed forces. (She's one of those who can eat anything and everything and still lose weight)
#13) Having a doctor tell you you wouldn't be morbidly obese if you didn't eat so much (even after having been handed daily menus showing I really didn't), and telling you to go back to low fat/high carb because it's the only one that works. (Except, it doesn't, at least not for me)

This was a really good exercise in reminding myself why I'm doing this. Apparently, I could go on, and on, and on! I remember being on my first diet (slim fast shakes made with water rather than milk, no less) in 5th grade. I remember thinking (and being told) I was fat at 120 pounds and 5'2" in 7th grade. Ah, memories!

CNYMom,

Congratulations on losing 31 lbs. so far!

That's amazing!

Keep going!

You may even want to print your 13 reasons (in a small font), on a small piece of paper and carry it with you at all times, as a reminder why you're doing this.

I know you're thinking about the possible embarassment if someone found it, but that must pale compared to what those 13 reasons embarass you.

After a few weeks, you probably won't need it anymore.

Anyway, thanks for posting.

You can do it!


:)

My .02 cents worth
 

These could also work for the last straw wake up calls as well...

Not being able to wear sleeveless shirts

Seeing the horrified look on DH's face when I managed to squeeze myself into a cheap Walmart bathing suit during our summer vacation last June

The realization I weighed more than most of the baseball players on our local team

Being the fattest person in my work department

Weighing almost double what my 20 yr old DDs weigh

Sweating like a pig in the summer, spring, fall and winter

Living to eat versus eating right to live

I hated flying when I was so heavy....

I dreaded meeting new people when I was so heavy...

I hated my low self-esteem when I was so heavy...

I agree with them all!

Here are some of my own:

-my thighs rubbing together
-not being able to share clothes with my thin friends
-shopping with my thin friends when they dont even come CLOSE to fitting into anything at plus size stores.
-Swimsuits
-trying on clothes and find that all the 2xs and 2xs are too small
-feeling invisible
-always being self consious

OK...I'll play!

What do I hate about being fat?

* My big feet. They've gone from a 9.5 to a 10w. I can only buy shoes at Payless...or wear men's shoes. I miss nice shoes!

* Hygiene. Everything from shaving my legs to wiping my butt to covering any skin that touches with talcum powder....especially my navel.

* Pap tests. The doctors always tell you to "scoot" your bum down the table. Yeah...right! Get the winch!

*Being invisible to men.

*Restaurant chairs with arms.

*Wanting to be active...trying to do an activity you once enjoyed...and having your body fail you.

*Back to shoes....I can't wear the high heels I love because I am so heavy and there is too much pressure on my toes.

* Plus-sized clothing is only made for large-breasted women. I've always been a "B" cup...no matter what I weighed...so in order for a shirt to fit over my hips, it billows at the front. Now I only wear stretchy fabric.

*"Friends" that want you as an eating buddy. Friends that sabotage your efforts the second you start to look better than them.

*Thinking you look really great at a party...feeling fabulous...then seeing a photo somebody took of you.

*What I hate the most is that being fat was AVOIDABLE. And I hate the way being fat makes me feel like a failure.

Boy can I relate to these!!! My sister who had the lap band procedure done is always trying to sabotage my efforts - UGH!!!

And pictures??? NO WAY! We haven't had a family picture taken in so long and my oldest will be graduating high school this year and it would be nice to have one.

Awww gurl,you are BEYOND BEAUTIFUL!! And yes YOU deserved to be LOVED like any other woman!! :D

I would have refused that, at any weight! In fact, I would have insisted we find a better restaurant! :o

1-- Looking at pictures from 2 years ago and realizing that I was, in fact, hot.

2-- Realizing that my back problems are because of my big ass stomach

3-- Airline seats. 15 hours to Hawaii.

*Not spending precious time with and even avoiding people in my life that matter the most because I don't want them to see the weight I've gained & because I am embarrassed of how I look...

The sad/scary/pathetic thing about that is tomorrow is not guaranteed. And how many regrets will I have if something would happen to that person and I never got to hug them or touch them again...all because I was too embarrassed about how I looked.

gweny,

I couldn't have worded that better. It's exactly how I feel also. Powerful words.

Stephanie,
That list just took me back and made me thank God that I've stayed commited this time.


Man, I remember buying my new car and realizing its bucket seats were too small and they cut into my butt.

Wow.

I remember a visit to McDonalds with my husband's family. My MIL has passed on now, but weight was always a self esteem issue in her mind [she was just over 6' tall and weighed 115 at her heaviest, and considered herself fat!]

We sat at tables with arms. The tables were very close together and I had to 'twist' my hips into place in order to sit.
I then had trouble getting out.

She shook her head at my plight.

I cried myself to sleep that night, then went on an emotional binge 3 days afterward.

Now, what I hate about being fat is that I'm reduced to a lesser human in thin people's eyes.
BullShi#!

If I never lose another pound, I will never give anyone permission to make me feel inferior.

You have to give permission.

There are things that I look forward to when/if I reach goal. In the meantime I am a one and only.
NO ONE will ever take that away from me again.

BTW Steph your post made me cry.

- Having to leave a movie theater because you can't fit into the seats.
- Having my ex witness previous humiliation.
- Being too wide to fit through a turnstile (I'm short and wide and I live in MORTAL fear of these things). I sometimes don't go places because I don't know if I'll run into one.
- Disappointing my ex because I couldn't be more social/outgoing/self-confident.
- I hate when people walk behind me because I know they're judging my fat a$$.
- I'm always afraid that someone at work will need tech support on the third floor (read: stairs). Ugggg!
- I hate the look that I get from some people...you know the look...starts at your head...down to the toes...then back up again.
- I don't like riding in a vehicle with some friends because I can't hoist myself into the tall SUV's everyone drives these days!

I'm just tired of the fear. There are so many things that I avoid because I'm afraid and I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.

All of the above......

To have to lift my tummy to shave and trim....well the bush! And then hope its even because I can't see it!

To get the above and my hygeine in order! I never thought of deoderant under the tummy before...I have come to take 2 showers a day to eleviate the smell, i dont know if you can smell it but i can. Koodos for the original poster of that one. Well that and the wiping.....geez! i travel alot (5 to 10 times a year) and man oh man, those seats keep getting smaller and smaller, oh wait that would be me getting bigger and bigger....that and its wishfull thinking that you will have an empty middle seat anymore! i am fortunate that i have yet to request an extension...but it sure is an uncomfortable flight trying to keep all your stuff in your allocted space.

I am new at this BB. I hope that I can learn from you as well as contribute as this is like my 500th time losing weight in my life. This one however, will be the last. So help me! 15 lbs thus far....tomorrow will be start of week 5....best wishes to all.

D

Not being able to run and play with my grandkids
Having to have a knee replacement because of the strain on my knee due to arthritis and being over weight
developing type two diabetes
developing nerve damage in my foot and not being able to walk to excersise yet..
On the happier side it has brought me to a realization that I am now on the road to a healther life.. down almost ten pounds in just over two weeks.. woo hoo

I needed this thread.

you all said it all just about..

I couldnt' go through all ten pages but the one above about triming the bush.. rofl.. I hear you.

My most embarasses.. are those hygene issues... YOU all know what I am saying without saying it.. :( Kills me.

narrow restaurant booth benches, narrow aisles between tables
small-bottomed chairs with arms
cutting my toenails
walking hurts my feet, calves and lungs
"friends" tell me what to eat
people assume I'm helpless
people assume I'm vain, and therefore ashamed
I feel (well, felt, I'm lcing now!) resigned to being fat
the health issues - heart, diabetes
lack of mobility

1. I can feel the weight working on my hips and back--wrecking the joints.
2. People treat you like you aren't there.
3. People act like fat = stupid.
4. Both of my SIL's wear size 2 pants. :help: I wear 18's. I hate family get-togethers.
5. Being out of breath all the time.
6. Wearing a dress or skirt makes me feel like one big tent.
7. Knowing that I'm only a prayer away from becoming diabetic, seeing as how I've always been hypoglycemic, and had gestational diabetes. How I've escaped it thus far is beyond me-- :q: ----except that I'm pretty active. ;)

not being able to wear those super sexy knee high boots because although i wear a size 7 shoe...my calves are too freakin big!

1. Having to climb over the toilet in stalls, and then bang my head on the door.
2. being the fat one in the family
3. Going to DH Christmas party and no one looks at me.
4. Feeling ashamed at my body and hubby saying I am fine.
But never tells me I'm sexy.
5. working so hard to lose and not see a loss, only a gain
6. Having to buy BIG clothes, God they are so ugly, and how does one really cover up a big spare tire. No designer can make clothes for that....I bought alot of the tops this last summer, the ones that make you look pregnant, well A family we know and are close too, the grandmother thinks we are her grand kids, she thinks I am having a Baby, and she is telling everyone, and just so thrilled.....I want to run away

7. Being in public and feeling like I am being looked at for my weight. It the look we all know.
8, Trying clothes on and having my hubby pick a tent for me, and still say I look fine......
9. shame when around family, I feel so fat, they are all tiny, 100lb my two sisters and Mom, and brother thats thin to.
10. Just to be able to make 09 the yr I end with feeling like I am on top of a Mountain, Healthy and a healthy weight:)

I hate always thinking about my weight before I do something that "normal" people take for granted - will I fit on the roller coaster or in the plane seat? Can I make it through that narrow aisle in the store without knocking something over? Can I fit in that restaurant booth? Do I weigh too much to take my son in a kayak with me? (this last one really hurt - we went to Puerto Rico last fall and wanted to go kayaking in the bioluminescent bay - supposed to be a really cool experience. Our kids are getting pretty big now, but they're not old enough to paddle their own kayak, so my husband would have to take one, I would have to take one, and one would have to ride with the guide. But I had to call up the company and ask the weight limit - and just as I feared, I couldn't make the weight limit with any one of my kids, so we couldn't go :( I hate the fact that my whole family had to miss out on such a cool experience because of me and my weight )

I hate feeling like I'm taking up more than my share of space. Anywhere I go I always feel like I'm in the way - always apologizing for just being there. I have just as much right to be there as anyone else, but I always feel like I have to say "sorry - am I in your way?"

I hate that the best I ever hear from my husband (on the rare occasion that he actually comments on my apprearance) is that I look "nice". I don't want to look "nice", dammit - I may be in my 40's, but in my mind I'm still young enough that I want to look HOT.

I hate feeling like no matter what I wear or how much effort I put into hair, makeup, etc - I STILL don't look good because of my weight. Seems like a waste of effort to dress nicely and pamper and groom myself, if I'm still going to look awful (or at best, just "nice", as I said above) because of my size. So a lot of times I just don't bother.


And as someone else already stated on this thread, I hate how my weight always makes me feel like a failure.

Looking through stores and all the cute stuff is for skinny people. I can only find "old lady looking clothes" for myself becasue I'm fat.

Donna! I could have written your whole post myself. I totally get where you are coming from...aaaggggh!!! This world is not built for us at all! You expressed that so well here:



Your post brought tears to my eyes and I don't have anything to make it better except :there:

Just know that we are in this together!

[QUOTE=donnaliz67]
I hate that the best I ever hear from my husband (on the rare occasion that he actually comments on my apprearance) is that I look "nice". I don't want to look "nice", dammit - I may be in my 40's, but in my mind I'm still young enough that I want to look HOT.

QUOTE]

If it helps you any...my husband is the very same towards me. If he tells me I look nice, its because I asked "do you think I look nice?" ...never something he just says to me. No support from him... so this time, I didn't tell him I am lc'ing. I am 44.
If you ever need someone to 'talk' to on that subject...call on me! :)

Feeling my "big" jeans getting tighter and tighter and having not only "muffin tops" in the back, but having to tuck in my "Michelin Man" rolls on the sides and front, too.

Having my navel ring cause pain because the waist of my pants is digging so far into my belly when I sit down.

Not EVER wanting to be in a situation where swimming is involved.

Getting out of breath by the time I get to the top of the stairs.

Knowing I don't look as attractive as I used to - beginning to feel "invisible" in public.

My bra size is out of control! Big boobs are great, but huge boobs severely limit clothing choices!

Starting to notice cellulite on my upper arms.

Only having 3 pair of pants that barely fit.

Oh, boy, I could go on and on! Well, I have the choice to make this situation better - eat low carb and take good care of myself.

It is hard for me at this point to know which of my problems are due to 100+ excessive lbs and which are because of chronic fatigue issues, I am sure many problems overlap. I am going to pretend that the issues are because of my weight and if it turns out I still have a lot of those problems after a weight loss, then I will know which problems are which.


1. Lack of energy, it is so bad, I can't even conceive of a situation where I could hold down a job, but I am going to go do some applications anyway, because I am feeling a little better.

2. I don't hate all my fat clothes I have a overly large red cable knit sweater I am fond of. But, it is very hard to find decent clothes especially on a budget. It isn't like there is a law that fat clothes can't be cute, but it seems it is an unwritten law that clothing designers won't break.

3. Not fitting in the booths at fast food restaraunts. This isn't an issue anymore even when I get smaller, because on my plan there aren't many places I can go and get a LC meal anyway at least not a meal I would want to eat. I make better food at home and I am learning what I can pack for lunches on the road.

4. Hygene- leaving it at that.

5. Not being able to sit in certain places other than booths.

6. Walking uphill or just walking it feels like a waddle and that wasn't an issue even just 20lbs ago.

7. Constantly dieting and failing. Now I think that I am a victim of my own success. I would lose quite a bit of weight on every diet I had been on. I binged occasionally, but always lost the weight from binging right away. I would go months at a time being stark raving hungry. When I did stop dieting I didn't go for the treats that people associate fat people with craving. It was huge amounts of pasta, potatoes, and many things people consider healthy. I stayed true to keeping my fat calories under control, but my portions were out of control. I have seen studies that people actually eat fewer calories of regular snacks than they do of reduced calorie/fat snacks. I am convinced I was protien deprived as many good sources of protien have a lot of fat in them. Anyway the weight always came back with a vengance and the harder I tried to lose weight the more I gained.

8. I haven't been to a public gathering for a couple of years now(fatigue issues), but when there is food involved always trying to make sure it doesn't look like I am eating too much and most the time walking away just as hungry as I was before eating. Sometimes I would eat after these functions.

9. Having people think I am stupid because I am fat. They don't say it out loud and most the time I don't even realize they think this until the fated day, they are shocked when I say something intelligent.

10. All the energy I have wasted my whole life trying to lose weight, the obsession over calories and inches, fantasizing about what my life would be like if I was smaller(I never wanted to be a waif), all the reading of every article on losing weight and every book I ever bought and read like it was the bible. I have probably put in several thousand hours of research into the issues of obesity, diet, nutriton, and the studying the scam of low fat dieting.



I know this is a what I hate about being fat thread. I don't want to come off as bragging either, but I want to add something that has been positive for me. There have been very few instances of anyone treating me rudely because of my weight(maybe I am oblivious). When I was a kid I got teased a lot, but it wasn't usually about my weight. I was accepted by my friends and they didn't tell me I needed to lose weight. My immediate family for the most part didn't demean me because of my weight. If anyone did it would be my mother who weighed in the upper 300lb range when I was under 200lbs. Oddly enough that still hurt my feelings. But, none the less my mother didn't make me feel bad at meals or try to make me diet, it was never an issue with my dad or my siblings. I never felt like I had to hide during Holiday get togethers and unlike when I was older didn't feel like I had to pretend not to eat. The only person making me feel like an outcast is myself.