The Boob Poem

Yes, I did have my mammogram
today... Why do you ask?

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.

QC great poem, where did you get this? LOL

i wish...
 

... that i was losing weight there! it's definitely true for me that you lose fat from top to bottom; my upper half lost first and most, EXCEPT for my breasts! I even wish I had your DD problems - I'm still a G/H cup. Oy vey. I don't even dream of running, and I don't think any company in the world could make a bra that would make it feel like I don't have anything there at all!

Still a way to go before goal, but am beginning to think that if I get there (when I get there?) if all is still the same in that department I really will go under the knife, much as I hate the idea.

Pringles cans - hilarious. :roll:

Deborah

Can you imagine how many pounds you would lose and how much better you would feel if you had a reduction????

Now I have a mental picture of women tryign to put just one boob on the scale to measure just that :p Or maybe I'm the only one that would actuly be curious after a question like that. I think I'd have to use the little kitchen scale unfortunetly :\

indeed!
 

My sister once did that Ladybelle - I don't know how, but she did! And even though she's way smaller than me (although I think she did it when she was pregnant when she got closer) it definitely came to a few kgs for both. That's actually one of the reasons my 'goal' is 140 - I think that's probably more like the equivalent of 130-135 for anyone without these things on their chest!

And gretchend - it's kind of hard to imagine since this is the way it's been since I was a teenager, but yes! I did another measurement with the tape measure this morning and found yet another inch gone off the underbust measure - now down to 34.7 from an original 40, but the bust is still a whopping 8 inches bigger. Meaning an H cup. Sigh. And since I think I've probably lost almost all the weight above the waist that I'm going to - I very much doubt I'd ever get below a 34" around the chest I think that's proof that I'm just not going to lose breast size without going under a knife.

I'm scared of the complications though; scarring, problems with breast feeding should I ever have children, etc. My skin scars very easily. The only good thing is I think that at this size I might be able to get it paid for by my health insurance. Haven't found out yet, but one of my friends who's almost as big as me was told she would be able to.

Deborah

I like this thread. it is cracking me up!
Please some of you w/extra poundage in the boob area..send it to me. I am afraid I am going to end up looking like a guy when I get to my goal :(
(little boobed member here)

Boob Stories...
 

I'm a self admitted titty queer. That is; I'm a man who simply loves breasts in all their variety of shapes and sizes. Frankly, I love them all, big or small. I do have some sad stories about breast reduction and augmentations surgeries that have gone terribly wrong. I have seen the results that would make your blood run cold, I’m speaking as a medical photographer who works malpractice documentation.

Surgery is the absolute last option, it is very risky under the best of circumstances and even if done by the best doctor currently working, they will not tell you that, they tend to only focus on the good outcomes, because they need a new car or more hair plugs. I tend to believe natural is better, no matter what, but I understand a person with abnormally large breasts also has to look at health issues as well. As in all things... Caveat Emptor!

It pays to do surgeon research. I had the surgery, and I haven't stopped smiling since. :wiggle:

DH says I look like a centerfold, he sees breasts like mine in magazines all the time. Trouble is, he's reading National Geographic not Playboy! :cry:

Actually, I think most men are happy with whatever they have access too. We (women for sure) are way too hard on ourselves when it comes to appearance. DH has been telling me that I'm beautiful for years. Still not convinced myself but I am convinced that he thinks so.

Do you men out there think you are as tough on yourselves are we women are on ourselves?

Time to go get me some Pringles cans,
Barb

PS - Love the poem. How true! It's that time of year for me, will be calling for the appointment this afternnon. Since it seems like a lot of the weight I lost came from my boobs, I hoping the squishing won't be quite as painful or time consuming (no retakes?) this year.

If you have lost a significant amount of weight (usually 100 or more pounds) almost any health insurance company will COVER surgery (boob lift, tummy tuck etc) It is considered reconstructive surgery for the bod. Look it up. I am having everything I can get when I hit goal weight. My boobs literally need to be lifted about 3 feet to be back where they are supposed to be. I swear that is the truth. SAD. It's really sexy when your husband has to lift your boobs up off the floor during sex to get at them......oh lord I can't believe I just said that....

It is true that insurance will cover it if the tissue that they remove weighs enough. Unfortunately, I lost all that tissue. What I had was a lot of SKIN. Nasty!

Surgery
 

"I do have some sad stories about breast reduction and augmentations surgeries that have gone terribly wrong. I have seen the results that would make your blood run cold, I’m speaking as a medical photographer who works malpractice documentation.

Surgery is the absolute last option, it is very risky under the best of circumstances and even if done by the best doctor currently working, they will not tell you that, they tend to only focus on the good outcomes, because they need a new car or more hairplugs." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was thinking that as a medical photographer you would probably see all the worst case senarios, and probably rarely see the success stories. Maybe this is the reason you left out the fact that there are some very fine surgeons who give more of themselves to their careers than any of us can ever take credit for in our own professions. A new car or hairplugs would not be worth the sacrifices for most of us.

Also, JCAHO has rules and regulations that most hospital adhere to. What I am getting at is that Doctors should ALL be explaining risks and benifits to a patient in written form. A patient should be signing that form before surgery. If any of you are considering surgery please, please understand the guidlines of the hospital or facility before you have any kind of surgery. As has been stated before, there are some very good Doctors and some scary ones. Please, Please.... do your research before surgery.

On that note, I will keep my boobs just the no-longer-perfect way that they are.

Thanks for giving us all something to think about before surgery. Good ,bad, and ugly, we all need to hear it.

Libby

Please go to Lane Bryant and check out their bras. I went just yesterday and got the nerve up to buy one that literally stands alone. This thing is huge. I had to buy up a cup size, but due to the extra padding and inserts to push in the sides. I thought it was going to look ridiculous but whoa-nelly. I had a shape again and wanted to stand up straighter and don't think my hubby didn't notice my form. Granted, I could run into a brick wall and not feel it, but hey, not the worst thing. At least go try one on if you are feeling like the saggy-baggy elephant.

I didn't read all the replies
 

so if I'm repeating advice~sorry...

I am large busted and I've also noticed a softening. I've taken to sleeping in a sports bra and working out with light weights. Doing flys and such. I'm not sure what I'll do. I am also waiting for goal before making a decision. My mother had reduction surgery, but guess what?, they're growing back!! So, I'm not sure that's an option. But, even if they grew back, they'd be firmer, right? I'm really not one for surgery, so I'll probably keep sleeping in my sports bra. :p

Happy to have shrunk in that area! SO happy... getting a bit worried though that they will disappear by goal! I was a DD and am currently a C... I know I will be a B withing the next year.... I had been a B cup before I'd ever gotten pregnant the first time and I had no idea they would go back down! THANK GOD because I was contemplating surgery myself and NOT happily!

This thread is amazing! I laughed my ass off (sorry Pastor Bob) most of the way through it! The poems, the links, the comments.....too funny. I heard one female comedian say....if you are lying on your back, and at least 95% of your breast does not fall into your armpit, THEY'RE NOT YOURS!
I have lost about 22 lbs, but nothing up top. I am a DD and hoping to lose a little up there. And to my dismay, they are sagging more than ever! I will seriously consider a lift when I reach my goal. Anyone have any ideas what that entails? I don't want anything taken away, just lifted back to where they once were. Any ideas on cost?

:lol: OMG you all are funny...And as a 36 H I totaly agree. :roll:
as Ophah once said "My breasts are real,when I lay down so do they"

Unity

36 H????WoW!~!!!! Im a 36DD was 38DDD after having my son. My boobs are the one thing keeping me from whereing my red dress to the REd Cross Ball this year. I tried it on yesterday and its so tight it flattens them like pancakes and looks very funny. I wish I could find the perfect bra to where with it, but looks like I need to find a different dress to wear this year. I guess I should be happy the problem is in the boobs and not the tummy, though I do need some work on the pooch. I would never get a boob job done, but if its something your doing for yourself, and you truly think it would help you, do it but would that truly make a person happy?:)
Renee

Yes this thread is very funny! I have lost some weight in the boob area and they do seem saggier now. My stomach also feels saggy. I guess its extra skin or the fat is less compacted. I will be going to the gym 5 days a week and definetely doing those chest exercises and crunches.

LOL Just be thankful you have some to lose there. I can't afford to lose anything from my boob area! Though I WISH I had that problem! LOL

anyone who wants some can have some lol..
my H is getting lose so I have hope last time I lost wieght I got down to a D from a DD,then I had another baby..I can not wait till I can buy a bra at the store I work at :hyper:
Unity

OMG !!! This thread was wonderful!!!
We were just talking about "black eye syndrome" at work today!!
I'm afraid when I get undressed tonight....I'm gonna just stand in front of the mirror and laugh!! Obviously my saggy 42DD's are much more common than I was feeling!!

Thank you all for a much needed chuckle!!!!

don't just take from unity, take from me! i'm 36G/H and i haven't even had a baby! the last time i saw a d cup i was about 14! (god help me if i ever breastfeed, i'll probably be 36Z or something). having said which, i think i might actually be losing something there finally. I used to be a 38G and went down to 36 and although I really became a 36H I didn't want to be, so I bought bras in 36G and squeezed into them; well, it's not a squeeze anymore! I can't see a difference without a bra, but hey, bras can't lie, right??!! Measurements are actually down an inch too, so maybe something is actually coming off... I've started doing a weights workout, but I've only done it twice so far; I may have located muscles in my chest and back I never knew I had, but still, two workouts wouldn't make such a difference would they? :)

deborah

Technical Question: do you roll them up from side to side like cannoli, or from front to back, like toilet paper? If you go from front to back, where do you put the nipple?

Another question for you guys: re breasts v scrotum - why do guys work so hard to build up their chest muscles, when it makes everything else look that much smaller (not to mention just plain, well, *silly*).

Thanks for all the laughs!!

Well I have lost 70 pounds and have not lost a cup size still a 40 DD. I would love to be a C cup. I might just aim for this when I get to goal. Perhaps a lift will be in order.

As much as we wish we had breasts like the women in magazines, they're not really the norm. Don't forget that what you have is natural, normal - and if you allow yourself to think so, beautiful....not to meantion the potential for pleasure is very high.

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

I am so jealous! Even at my weight - I have a C cup with looseness of the bra. I will be lucky to be a B cup when my goal is achieved....... Here is a serious question - does exercise help the breasts stay up or is surgery the only option? My are fine now but i wonder what the future holds? (very little LOL)

Exercise does not hold them up. But having large chest muscles create more fullness in you chest, and you can have a nice cleavage line and avoid that bony sunken look in the upper chest that many olderr or very slim women have.

Your breasts will go where they want to, but your upper body can still be very shapely and attractive through weight training.

Meg

OMG I'm not sure if I should thank you for that link or not Meg, LOL

Kathy