The Undiscovered Country - Life after loss
 

You are so right Tesia, with what you are saying.
Most (thin) people would be thinking now, what the heck are these people talking about? To them, their bodys are, what they are. They have never had to deal with such a deep topic, such as this. Me personally, I'm having a more difficult time understanding / dealing with this "mental" weight loss picture, then I did with the losing part.

I have been overweight most of my life. Never accepted it completely in my mind, but understood, this is basically, what I am. Now, with all this attention being drawn to me and on this subject, I am finding it very hard to fully understand who I am or are becoming, if you follow.

There's no guide book or class to take for how to live life. There's no course to take for being "in shape" after being out of shape for half your life.

I hope we find someone, who has the same feelings on this subject (being overweight - then lost it) that is floating around this forum, that can give us a better idea, of how the deal with / accept this in our minds. For me, I know it will be a while yet.

I find myself getting more upset with folks that are thin, and their comments, directed at overweight people. Now, not being the target of their attack, I hear it even more so and get so internally upset from listening to it. That's the only time I wish I had, before and after pictures, a copy of the Atkins book, along with every post, thread, sheet of information on me, to give to that person and show them, there is a great way to lose the weight and feel great while doing it. But I know, if someone had done that to me, I wouldn't of felt any better about myself in the end. Even a friend of mine, who is (hate to say it ) very overweight, has that look in their eye's of disbelief, now that they see how far I've come. I try so hard to get them to come with me on this journey, but they won't. The usual, "I can't live / eat like that" or "That's not living"(going without all those foods). I try and try to get they to understand the basic idea of this WOL, but I'd guess, their not ready for it yet.

Ok, I've diversed enough from the subject, we got away from, in the beginning of this thread. Just more stuff thats floating around in my mind.

Look forward to more talk and discussion on this subject. ( the excepting in the body image, that is )

Cheers, John

Erin
 

Sorry to lose you in what I was thinking. I think I lost my own meaning in the typing translation myself. :rolleyes: I think maybe she was seeing how the other gals were looking at me and comparing herself with them.

Also, forgot the tell you, she has an "eating disorder". It was explained to me as, she would get heavy and then diet like crazy / starve herself, till she was thin. Go back and repeat.
Says she has it under control now and goes to meetings 2-3 times a week. So my mind wanders to what she is thinking about myself. We have talked about how I have come to where I am now too.
Maybe we're to similar in our past weight gains/losses to be able to understand what each other is thinking and what will upset the other. (me and her)

Just more mind confusion.

Cheers, John

I hate to make the comparison, but it's like a drug or alcohol addict...you can't fix the problem. They have to be ready to do it for themselves. I have wanted to lose weight for years, but I couldn't until I really was ready. I have a friend that's very very heavy and she's always says that she wantd to do the atkins with me. I invite her over for dinner and give her recipes, but if she's not ready I can't make her stick with it.

I know that the topic of this thread kinda changed, whoops.

Erin

John2001,
 

I got you now :thup: It sounds like you guys could find alot of support within your relationship. You sound like a great guy so I say go for it w/ her!!!

Good Luck,
Erin

Adjusting
 

This is certainly an interesting thread and one that many readers can relate to. Its interesting what you go through when, as John describes it, you make it through your journey.

I don't know how many people have asked me how much my wife likes the new me. Its inevitible - one day I have a feeling I'm just going to let loose and just plant a left hook on the kisser of an unsespecting inquisitor. And that's one of the sad points in the whole thing.

I only realized the difficulty overweight people have in the last year or so when I "peaked" so to speak, never having been overweight when I was younger. It is an extremely revealing experience and makes you appreciate just how shallow people who don't know you can be. But what is more frightening is that it makes you realize just how influencial outward appearance can be, whether its warranted or not. That is something I've never fully appreciated until now.

On the lighter side, I've finally come to the end of being able to tailor all my suites. This is good and bad. On one hand, I get to go shopping (yet again) but I don't know if I have the courage to get rid of my old suits. Soon I'll be catching up to my wife in terms of closet space. So on that one, that's why being thinner (leaner for the body police) suks too!

Pete that's funny...
 

well the depleting closet space is funny. I had kept a lot of clothes from the pre-weight gain era, but when I put them on now my boyfriend looks at my me like I'm wearing something from the 1950s. I don't want to buy new clothes until I hit my goal...any new clothes in between (like now) b/c they won't fit later. I tried getting things altered before I went to the Bahamas over Christmas b.c I had NO summer clothes that fit. However, it was so expensive and now non of it fits me. I say enjoy the new clothes, you earned 'em.

Erin

The 50's look
 

Yah, you know, when clothes look just a little loose, its fine, almost in vogue. When they're a little tight, they look awful. But when they're really loose, I end up looking like I found the damn things! They look down right flappy. Hey, there's another one-flappy clothes when you become thinner. Now that suks!

Okay, enough of that. Go Canada Go! (Olympic Hockey is on.)

new thread topic!
 

Haha! Yeah, that's a good one for a new topic "top reasons it sux to lose weight"!

I have to say that I was dealing with that problem today in a BIG WAY!! I too, refuse to buy clothes until I'm closer to goal, so I've been miserable (in a good way) because all of my clothes look like they are drowning me! I keep putting new holes in my belt buckles, my socks keep falling down and for some reason I even feel like I'm sliding around in my shoes!! Do we lose weight in our feet too??? Not to mention all my jeans sag in the front and back!

Pete, what you said about looking like you "found" your clothes cracked me up!!! I know that feeling!

Peace,
Tesia

Shoes!
 

Yep. My darn shoes don't fit either! I bought two new pairs and began wearing my Tommy loafers that didn't fit quite right when I got them. At least I had some stuff that I hadn't worn in years. Okay, one more - getting thinner makes your shoes loose and you end up looking you're in clown school.

Canada Wins!
 

Getting ready to play Belarus. Could be a Canada USA gold medal game! Now that would be great.

Loose clothes, belts, and shopping
 

I hear you all too. I had a dress belt that I just barely got into the first notch before this journey. I've gone thur all the holes and made another hole at the other end. Now it still is to big. Bought a new one. The jeans, don't get me started. I have complete sets from size 46, 44, 42, 40, 38, and 36 now. For some reason I'm still in disbelief of the fact I wore the 46's, even thou they look like a trash bag tied around me, if I were to put them on now.

Shoes, yes, they too seem like my feet are sliding around in them. At least with shirts, you can tuck them in more and get away with wearing them still! lol

It's funny, I had found a work shirt from 1987-88, back then I wore it unbuttoned and not tucked in, because it didn't look good(too small). Now it fits just right. Which reminds me, I have got to find my old suits and jackets from those days. Now thinking about it, they should fit again!

I had bought a few years ago for weddings and such events, but every time I went to wear them again, they were too small. Humm.....have to hunt thru the closet.
I've always hated clothes shopping. (hey, I'm a guy) Only went once a year and bought all I needed. All these trips to the store this past year is crazy to me. Hate it and like it at the same time.

Cheers, John
PS: Thanks Erin, I hope my relationship works out too. Haven't dated anybody really in like 4years. I'm the kind of guy that doesn't "casual" date, just anybody, to go out. Got to have that something special in my mind, for them. OK, so I'm a little picky! ;) You and your BF sound like you've got a good relationship going. Keep it up, it's hard to find that now a days. I'm very happy for you 2.

Word to the Wise!!!
 

This is really directed to the ladies, and PERHAPS some of the guys ;) In reference to your shoes, socks, belts, whatever being too big, but still holding out before purchasing anything new until you're sure you're at a holding point...that strategy will work fine with one exception : your underpants. If you foolishly choose to wear your undies several sizes too large and for secular or social reasons should have to also be wearing a dress, you are subjecting yourself to a potentially hazardous and humiliating situation. Public display of your new, slimmer, sleeker body with your ancient panties down around your ankles and you with, perhaps, your arms full or in a crowded line in front of a theater, will do nothing for your self esteem. I will not elaborate as to how I came to this knowledge. Just trust me on this one, girls...go buy you some new undies that fit securely. :rolleyes:

vicki's secret
 

Oh so true offdawagon! LOL

There has been no greater shopping joy for me than walking into Victorias Secret and buying size medium thongs, and looking good in them. I've always been told I had a nice bum, and there's something about pretty underwear that makes me dance around the mirror in a spurt of vanity.

My mirror dancing episodes have been happening more and more :D ! My boyfriend is starting to think I've got the ego of a diva!

Hugs,
grace

Changing sizes....
 

The sad thing is, right before I began this WOL, I did a major clean out of my closet (I really needed to....) and got rid of a lot of clothes that I was sure I would never fit into again - I had resolved myself to the "myth" that I wouldn't be able to find a way to lose the weight that had crept on over the last 6 - 7 years....

So now I'm swimming in my current clothes - I have a few pieces that are one size down that I am now getting use of, but it's not going to be long before I'm out of those.....my husband keeps asking if I want to take some things to a local seamstress, but I'm a clothes horse and I just want to yell, "NO!!!!! I WANT NEW CLOTHES! I'VE WORKED HARD FOR THIS AND I'VE EARNED IT!" He's also lost weight following this WOE, but being a guy, doesn't care about clothes as much and is quite content to have things taken in......how do I tell him tactfully to drop that subject? I suppose I can appease him and have a few of my nicer things taken in - but for the most part I've been giving away things to my friend (who introduced me to this WOE) who started a bit bigger than me and is following me on the way down....she's now in the sizes I started in, so she's getting sort of a "new-used" wardrobe.....

P.S. I forgot this....
 

For those of you who bowl, you'll understand my dilemma of having to put about 10 pieces of tape in the finger and thumb holes in order to hold on to the ball!!!!! It's expensive to get them plugged and re-drilled, so I don't want to do that until I get closer to goal - but boy, will that be fun.....the guy who had to plug and drill them out bigger as I was on the way up is a guy that I used to date (in what seems like a previous lifetime) and he was such a jerk when it came to weight....if you aren't a trim, perfect size 8, he wasn't interested.....I may not get down that small, but I'm gonna be darn close.......too bad turkey - you can't have me now!!!!! I found a real man who appreciates me for me - regardless of size......

Body image--the good, the bad, ...
 

What a great thread. I love all the directions it has taken. I know that my body image is completely distorted and has been since childhood. There's nothing like having to wear a "chubby" size (thank goodness they don't call it that any more) or have to wear home-made clothes to drum it into you that you're different. The sad thing is that I was only a little overweight at that point. Last year my mother had to go into a nursing home, and I was in tears when I was going through our family photographs because I realized that I looked pretty good at times when I thought (partly because my parents told me in a number of subtle and not-so-subtle ways) that I was too fat.

My weight gain was gradual but inexorable, so I had no sense of how much fatter I was at 280 than I had been at 180. And a few years ago when I lost 50 lb, I had no sense that I was smaller at 235 than at 285.

A couple of weeks ago my 17-year-old gave me a hug and told me that she was proud of me, but warned me not to disappear. I said that I wished I'd done it earlier because even when she was little I'd been embarassed to go to her school, because I was afraid that the other kids would tease her because I was fat. She was completely shocked at the idea. She gives me lots of reasons to be proud, but the most important is that she's completely happy with her body--5'3", 115 lb--and she has always had a remarkably healthy attitude toward food.

One of the side benefits of eating low carb is that it makes me feel so good that I'm much less self-conscious about how I look (of course, it's still a shock to look in the mirror). I walk into the gym feeling that I have every reason to be there--well, I still feel like a beached whale when I'm doing abdominal exercises. I hope that I can hold onto this. The way I feel now, if I walked into a clothing store and someone told me they had nothing my size, I'd ask to speak to her manager and explain that they just lost my business.

Susan

OH yes! Clothing! I saved ALL of my awesome sexy clothes from a couple years ago that I used to wear to parties and such. I can't wait to fit into them again to show my fiance what I look like underneath all the flab.
Sequin halter tops, here I come!

Susan,
 

You can definitely hold on to it. I think sometimes it helps to gain perspective on the situation - four years ago at 140 I thought I was fat, now I think I look great. See what I saying. You sould like you're happy. And the more and more I think about what someone wrote earlier in this thread - it does take time for our minds to catch up to our bodies, especially since most lose so quickly on Atkins.

Oh the gym...I think that it is such a hypocritical thing. It's like you can only workout in 'em if you're in shape. If you're not in shape, it's like you must not be serious or something. I really only like women only gyms for this reason (I know women can be more critical however,) I don't like to wear makeup and have to look pretty. Wait that came out wrong, I don't feel pressure to wear make up infront of men - I just hate having them scop me out and ask if I need help with the equipment. My point is this - I need a private gym to be happy..lol.

Erin

for me it is and ok some of these are embarrasing and sound yucky.

1. being asked if your pregnant by a stranger and not having the nerve or the want to embarass them by saying no so you let them think you are.
3. lying on the bed trying to zip your pants and thinking if i get them done up how will i walk and sit down.
4. the under tummy yuks.
5. even your reflection in the tv when it's turned off makes you say ewwwwwwww.
6. how hard it is to do the every day things like bath, wipe after a bm, bend over, run, walk, and just play and have fun.
7. just plain feeling unacceptable to the world because your considered unhealthy and ugly.
8. wishing you could just never eat again and hating food but knowing that you can't stop eating and not being able to stop when you do start making it a cycle of i hate food and now i hate me.
on the flip side.
1. knowing i will be able to do all the above soon and
knowing that i don't have to hate food or myself i can
have my food and eat it to.

Nothing fits and it seemed like I was treated better by others when I was thin.

I sort of joke that the fatter you are, the more invisible you become. You get sub-par service, you are ignored or stared at with contempt...it's an acceptable form of discrimination, apparently. And then you become thin, and people treat you like your opinion matters, and you become noticed, and everything changes. I find it rather astonishing!

And now that I am getting a lot of attention, I've had to deal with how it makes me feel. Sometimes it's wonderful and I bask in it, like yesterday when I stopped up to the pharmacy school and the ladies who were working there (security guards, cleaning people, etc) were amazed at how I looked, and they complimented me profusely. That felt great. On the other hand, sometimes you get different types of stares, and that is kind of creepy. Either way, it's better than the pitying/contemptuous stares from before. And no, I'm not smarter now, just thinner. Fat people are NOT stupid!

I wish you all luck on your weight loss journey!

For a man, here are the top 3 reasons it sux 2 B FAT.
1. No sex
2. No sex
3. No sex

Get the picture!

Kind an old thread.. but wow! A great one!
The post about being invisible really got to me. I had been invisible until I lost weight and for a few years absolutely basked in all the attention I had never had...in my whole life! I was letting it fulfil needs of childhood attention too and damn it felt good...I truly became the good looking confident person I looked like. Then I got pregnant... and wow it's a kick in the gut to become "invisible" again. It really hit home how a person's "value" to strangers has everything to do with sex appeal and or looks in general. It's worth it to be on the trim side JUST for the respect given to you by others - or maybe I should say the disrespect NOT given? That might sound very self depreciating but you know it's hard to keep up the morale inside when everyone on the outside is treating you otherwise. This is coming from someone who truly believes that when you act as if you deserve respect, you will get it. :rolleyes: So far that has only worked for me when I was slimmer and attractive though.

* being pregnant and no one knowing it, or thinking I'm putting on the pounds rather quickly.
* signing up for a faculty shirt and having the biggest size by my name.
* that awful "slap" sound when I run.
* heart racing and breathless when reaching the top of the stairs, or having to stop mid way to catch my breath.
* being the fat mom, or fat teacher.
* not being able to wear short sleeves because my fat arms will show, not being able to wear long sleeves because the sleeves are too small.
* my top half being 2 sizes smaller than my bottom half but still have to buy the larger size tops to go over my hips and belly.
* a total stranger, with a button on his shirt saying "I lost weight, ask me how", striking up a conversation at the grocery store check out line just because I'm fat.
* "I'm sorry we don't carry your size in our maternity line, try k-mart."
* pants with elastic waist.
* not being able to find boots that fit over calves.
* plus size socks.
* getting dbl meat and no bun at the school restaurant and being charged for 2 meals. OK that's not a fat thing but a LC thing.
* plastic lawn chairs.
* belly touching steering wheel but feet not reaching pedals and not being pregnant.
* baseball stadium seats.
* too small bathroom stalls.

There are lots of reasons why I hate being fat...

1. Stretch marks and cellulite
2. feeling depressed when shopping for clothes because nothing looks good!
3. feeling very embarrassed during sex because I am always worrying about my stomach rolls
4. I hate weighing more than my hubby...he is 6'1 and I am 5'5.
5. I hate comparing myself to my little sister who is a size 2.
6. I hate not being able to wear a bikini (or any swimsuit for that matter!)
7. I cannot stand having my photo taken because I hate what I see
8. I am just tired of feeling bad about myself and unhappy with how I look
9. Tired of people telling me that I have a beautiful face in a sad voice that indicates if only I were thin I would be truly beautiful...

Not being able to clip my
toenails without extreme
shortness of breath was
one of the worst experiences
for me. That and fearing death
at every turn from high blood
pressure and lack of exercise.

I can relate to everything in this thread. I will add:

1. Waking up in the morning and my first thought being about how fat and horrible I look.

2. Obsessing about my weight during the entire waking period.

3. Going to bed at night wondering if I will ever be thin again.

4. Remembering what it was like to be thin and kicking myself for letting myself get this way.

5. Never hearing a compliment from your father anymore.

6. Going to your husband's native country, where 95% of the women are thin and beautiful.

7. Knowing that tomorrow I am still going to be fat. I have at least a year of being fat ahead of me, because I am losing at a snail's pace.

Okay - gotta put my reason in here too -

1) Eating out, everyone stares and you know they are thinking "no wonder she is fat".

2) The heat rash you get in the summer, because your thighs are rubbing each other - sweating.

3) Short always roll up on your thighs because again - thighs rub each other

4) You really want to jump in a pool, but you looke hideous in a bathing suit.

5) When you go shopping you always have to ask "where are the plus sizes" to some skinny little pretty girl who looks at you with a disgust look.

6) Working out at the gym with all the skinny pretty people and trying to look like you know what your doing and not look totally hideous while you work out huffing and puffing and hoping you don't pass out in front of everyone.

7) Stepping on the scales and watching the nurse keep moving the scale thing up and up - over the 200 lb mark - as your face keeps getting redder and redder.

8) Trying your best to look good - then you look in the mirror and the fat over powers all the makeup and your fat girl clothes, no matter what you do, you still look fat.

9) Getting your drivers license renewed and the "old" weight is still on there, you know they are thinking "LIAR". Mine still says 140 lbs.

10) Trying to shave your legs - but you can barely do it because you cut your breath off when you bend over. So, you have hairy legs along with being fat - sux!

And all the other reason listed on this thread - we all have been there! (and I'm still there - but determined not to be fat all my life!)

I can so relate to this.

I can add one more thing to my list, thanks to weighing this morning:

8) Getting on the scales and having gained 5 pounds after you thought you had been doing so great over the last two weeks. And I can't even blame it on TOM.

Emotionally, I have hit rock bottom today.