Well Said destro! :thup: Osuz

Hi,
I really wish I could be like some of you and go Med free. I really do. Believe me I have tired. I have been dealing with depression for almost my whole life. I was diagnosed Manic depressed/BiPolar which was more than likely passed down to me. I grew up with a biPolar Grandmother, Mother, & aunt. I have seen so many different doctors & have been put on so many different medications. I can't even count how many they have tried on me. They have even tried shock treatment. It's hard ya know. I don't want to be popping pills my whole life so there were time when I just stopped taking my medications. During those time I started feeling the Highs of the BiPolar. I would go out and drink, do drugs, sleep around. Do things that I would never do. When I was on a real high, could last from 2 day-2 weeks..I wouldn't remember what happen. Then when I would come down from the high it was so horrible. It is such a bad depression. I have tried to commit suicide 4 times, twice the ambulance has had to bring me back to life. I have spend years in mental hospitals, putting my life on hold.

It is hard for me to talk about all of this because it brings back a lot of memories that I just don't want to remember but I have to think about how I felt when I was off of meds. I just tired recently to go off again & it was horrible. I do talk to a doctor once a month, not as much as I used to. I don't have a psych. anymore Like I did back in California. I used to see my Psych 3 time a month. Money issue, $200 a visit up here. I don't have insurance since I moved to Canada. But that is besides that point.

I don't feel as though I was ever addicted to any of the medication I was put onto. I don't doubt what anyone says on here that they feel that they have been or are themselves addicted to Paxil or some other med. But me, myself have never felt addicted to ANY of them. I have been able to stop every one of them with no side effects except for my chemical imbalance coming back in full force. This might be because I suffer from more than just depression, I don't know. I would think that I would be addicted to them though because I was put on very high doses of most of them.

I feel very sorry for the Person that has no compassion for people that suffer from depression. I hate when people say that Depression is all in your head, meaning that it can go away if you want it to, that you are making it be there. It is not like that. I think after suffering from Manic Depression for 11 year now, don't you think that I want it to go away? Don't you think if there was something I could do, I would?

SomeSizer, What kind of Psychology are you studying? I think maybe you should talk to a few of your professors about your opinions on depression. How that people with depression DO NOT HAVE CHEMICAL IMBALANCES. I really don't think they would feel the same way you do. I don't know if you are going for a degree in Medicine/Psychology...I would hate to see another person go into the practice just for the money. I have seen so many Psychologist myself like that, that just don't care about their patients, that have an attitude like you. It really is sad. Depression is NOT in my head..I can not make it go away. I hope someday you will come to realize that depression is an illness. And that there really are Chemical Imbalances.

Thank you

Candice

Candice I feel for you
 

Thank you Candice for speaking about something that is really hard for you. :thup:

It really is okay if you need to take medication to keep the scales balanced. If you had diabetes etc you would not think twice about taking medication for it.

MD is a double edged sword - twice as hard because you have both the highs and the lows to bring back to centre. You need all the help you can get. Use everything to your advantage.

Learn from the lives of your grandmother, mother and aunt. Try not to make the same mistakes they did. Ask them what helped to keep them on an even keel. If you do get that low TALK to somone - a piece of paper if no-one else will listen.

Things have changed a little in recent times but electric shock treatment (ECT) was something that was bound to leave a deep psychological impact on anyone who went through it. You were strapped tight so you could not move - very much like those on death row. Talk about feeling totally helpless and at the mercy of the "experts". Did it empower you to take control of your life?

Take Loving, Gentle, Accepting care,

For Tanya

I went trhough my doctor to get the prescription for the liquid form of paxil. I live in England and thats how it works

i know you can get it in the states because it was someone from over there who alerted me to the liquid in the first place

As for Candice, i feel for you i really do

its so hard being clinically depressed knowing that you need Meds to function

However i would say to you that so long as your meds dont make you feel strung out and do indeed relieve your symptoms then thats cool

Soo what if to have a normal life you need to take a pill in the morning. The fact is you are here and you are loved and eventually it will all make sense

Candice
 

I agree with Fiona, Bi-polar depression is the type of illness you will have to take medication for the rest of your life. If your doctor told you you had liver disease and you needed to take medication for the rest of your life you probably wouldn't hesitate to follow his directions. It's the same for Manic Depression. My mother-in-law is manic and after her last suicide attempt, she has not stopped taking her meds. It's been about 10 years now. But for her I think the key was finding the right combination of drugs.

Candice. . .
 

I agree with what the others have said. We all have to do what we can to live a HAPPY and healthy life. If a tiny pill prescribed by your physician assists you in living a more fulfilling life, then I support it 100%!!

Listening to our bodies and doing what we can to live happily means that we are taking charge of our lives and turning the tables by taking control of our situations!

Candice, you're going to make it through this, girl. We are all standing with you. :there:

Thank you. You all are so kind.

I am not ashamed of being BiPolar or having to take medication. I just get frustrated sometimes, mostly with the doctors for switching my meds so many times. Putting me on ones that make me gain weight, make me have no sex drive, keep me up all night, make me jittery.... Then when they try to even it out they add another pill. I sometimes I am up to 5 meds at one time. I got tired of that & said NO MORE just about 2 1/2 months ago. My husband was a little upset but just let me figure it out myself again that I need to go back on them. I waited about 3 1/2 weeks till I went back to the Dr. Not a day didn't go by that My husband didn't ask how I was doing, am I okay, do you want to start taking your meds again? I am so lucky to of married someone that accepts this part of me. Right now I am only on two and feeling okay. I stuck with my two 'base' *laughing*, I say base being I have been taking wellbutrin for so long now, & topamax & just had the topamax increased.
I think everyone has up & down days

Fiona, electric shock treatment Did help for a while. It did make me feel better. But then after a while just like all the other medications it stopped working. I must admit being 16 year old..It was horrible experience for me. Only because it stopped working.. Someone there in the hospital was having great results with it. She had been doing it for sometime & she didn't have the same thing happen as I did. I have noticed though that almost every drug that I have take hasn't work. I mean except for the Wellbutrin & Topamax. I also remember my experience with Prozac all too well..the doctor kept increasing it. I got up to 1400mg a day. It had a totally reversed on me.. I was so depressed. So then he increased my Wellbutrin to 450mg which 300 is the max dosage..I started having seizures. It was horrible. I got a new doctor. I do believe in trying new drugs but because I had a few doctors that abused that I get so scared sometimes. I trusted them. That is why I get so mad & frustrated why my dr. starts putting me on a new 'cocktail'. she knows why I get upset & she just sits back & lets things play out. *laughing*

Have a good day
Candice

DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS
 

Somersizing, I strongly DISAGREE with you. If depression is a mental thing, then why can't people just snap out of it. I have post-partum depressiona and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). OCD is when thoughts just pop into your mind...scary thoughts of hurting someone or yourself or other violent thoughts. YOu do not feel the urge to do them, but they just pop in your mind. My OCD revolves around the health and well being of my child. For example, if I see in the news that a child is kidnapped, I put myself in that situation. However, I take it to the extreme. I actually see myself crying over my child, having the police looking for him and finding him dead. This situations just play in your mind and then cause anxiety. My problem kicked in Dec 2001 when I was watching the news on the Lemak case (she killed her 3 kids because her husband left her for another woman). Well, I became very nervous. I tried to occupy myself and when I tried to play with my son, pillow fights, I saw myself suffocating my child, my child lying dead, me being dragged off, etc. Now let me clarify this...OCD is very different from what Yates/Lemak suffered from. They had post partum psychosis which is the loss of reality. They believe things that are so bizarre and even if you prove to them that they are not true, they still believe it. For example, Yates believe she was the devil, that the #'s 666 were branded in her head. A person who is aware that they have a problem and is seeking help is sane and will be cured. I thank God that this was a one time episode for me of having thoughts of myself hurting my child. I would never ever touch a hair on his body.

To sum this up, Somersizing, people with depression have a curable illness and you should know that if you are taking psychology.

I have a question for you to pound on. When someone is depressed because a close relative dies, is it all in their head??? Think about it and you will see my point.

I forgot
 

I forgot another thing. This is for sommersizing. I am not being hostile. I am just trying to clarify that depression is an illness that is curable with medication and much better with a combo of meds and therapy.

I wanted to point out too that a person past life does have a lot to do with depression and other mental illness. This is another reason why depression is not all in the head. People with traumatic pasts can develop mental illnesses. For example, I grew up with a very abusive father. He would mentally and physically abuse my brother and me. The punishments were so extreme that I now have some compulsive behavior like scrubbing down the bathroom even if it is spotless. Why? Because when I still was at home, my dad would wake me up in the middle of the night so I could scrub down the bathroom because it was clean to his satisfaction. When I got married, I was traumatised by this, that "out of habit" I would scrub down my bathroom. My husband has helped me out tremendously with my compulsive behavior. I have other behavior too but it would be too much to put down.

My point is, Somersizing, that mental illness is not a mental thing. It is an illness that can be caused by traumatic pasts or chemical imbalances. How about the veterans that suffer from post event trauma. I have an uncle who was in the persian gulf war. He saw a lot of blood and killings. He was so traumitized that he had a stroke at the age of 30. Is that a mental thing? NO it is a trauma that needs treatment.

Effexor
 

Garrison, you asked -



Yes! I didn't know there would be side effects, so I went cold turkey, instead of stepping down gradually. I experienced headaches, dizziness, electrical zapping in my head and fingertips, vertigo. All magnified x100! I was off for almost a year, but found I needed to go back on them. I swear I will never do cold turkey again when it's time to quit.

HTH -

Lori

How long did it take you to recover Lori Jo?

Didn't know
 

That's what worried me. When you start taking these drugs you are sometimes feeling too unwell to check out the consequences. Even when you are forward thinking enough to ask the doctor, you often do not get a straight answer. Of course the doc doesn't want to put you off what s/he is prescribing so he is "economical with the truth".

{All magnified x100!} That's the dangerous bit. Always do it gently with your doctor and loved ones keeping a close eye on you because it is impossible to be rational and cool when you are in the middle of any kind of withdrawal symptoms. Carb withdrawal is a prime example that everyone on this board would identify with.

That you had to go back to them again is another thing that worried me. How many people once they start taking anti-deps can stay off them. In my five year stint with a-ds I found the same people coming back again and again after relapses. You develop a "reliance"/addiction to them everytime you are under stress. Difficult, stressful situations sooner or later are a guarantee in anyone's life. There are other ways of coping with stress : without drugs is my preferred method.

That is just my perspective and why I chose to go the way I did. I don't regret it.
Take Educated, Informed, Loving care,

Danwoody - took close to 2 weeks.

Fiona - Thanks for your comments.



I agree that people should not abuse a-deps. Believe me, my reasons were not frivolous. I lost over 10 friends and family members on 9/11 - people I grew up with, went to school with, had a history with. My sister was 2 floors under where the plane hit and my brother across the street. A cousin's whole PD squad was wiped out. I don't think anyone expects or deserves that kind of stress in their life. The Effexor takes the edge off things, which is fine for me right now. I'm glad that you can deal with your stresses in a natural way; right now I am coping the way I need to.


Lori

Lori Jo. . .
 

I just wanted to express my condolences for the many loved ones you lost on 9/11. My heart goes out to you. And you are right, NO ONE should come to expect that kind of stress in their lives as "normal". . . your situation was clearly unique and, I'm sure, traumatic.

I asked my doctor about the effects of taking Effexor and the side-effects associated with coming off of them. He told me the truth! He told me that there would be headaches, increased nausea at times, pain...and he expressed the necessity of S L O W L Y tapering off of the drug throughout the course of several weeks.

I guess I should count myself lucky that I have an honest doctor, huh?

Lori Jo, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything you are going through. 9/11 was a horrible day and will never be forgotten by anyone. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Garrison, your doc is right, slowly is the key. I have been tapering off Paxil for a week now and the worst so far is an ocasional vertigo(sp?). I expected worse, but this is just the beginning. I also started working out hoping that would make it easier.