I'm with you ladies on this one-Can I be a fit woman? Never been and don't know. I do know that I want to see what it is like. It's something that we all need to think about-this is a trmendous life change for us. Glad I am not alone in this.

Monika,

Thanks for being so honest with us. It is wonderful to have this place where those of us who are way above the normal weight range can come together. I don't know any women in my "real life" who weigh anything close to what I weighed when I started posting on this forum. Meeting the people here and seeing they struggled with many of the same issues I struggle with has been unbelievably helpful to me.

I think many of us have struggled with depression at various times in our lives. I did a lot when I was younger, but seem to have mostly overcome it in recent years, or at least learned how to fight it. For me, aerobic exercise (swimming or walking) makes all the difference in whether or not I feel depressed. It's one of the reasons I needed to lose weight -- I was starting to lose my mobility and could no longer walk comfortably for any length of time. I was still swimming regularly, but missed being able to do anything else comfortably. I am so glad I can once again walk for hours.

I am wondering if there is a third reason you chose AntiM as your name when you joined this forum -- is it also because you felt like joining a weight loss group went against your own self-acceptance and the identity you had created for yourself?

Hi Liz, DCBrowne, Celtinore and all...

Celtinore, have fun! What else are fashions for than to experiment and push those boundaries? Decorate thyself with abandon! But I was curious - what type of social faux pas do you think you'll make if your body image isn't limiting you?

DCBrowne, I used to believe anyone could be fat and fit. Now I think of it more like ... younger and disease free folks can be fat and fit. I'll probably be revising further as I get older and wiser. ;)

Is your size the only thing that's keeping you from feeling fit right now?

Liz, you hit the nail on the head. Yup - that's it exactly. Sigh. You expressed perfectly what was taking me days to spit out.

I, too, am so glad to have found this forum and it's posters.

XOXO Monika

Well, I'm not sure if it would truly be a <I>faux pas</I> or not. Right now, I tend to be very easygoing, very easy to get along with, very objective and calm ... on the outside. That's because I have this need to be liked, and being likeable is more important than being me. People at work ask me a hundred questions a day, in fact they ask questions that I answered not an hour before, but while my fingernails are digging into the underside of my thigh, my face is open and smiling and welcoming. I get that from my mother.

On the <I>inside</I>, though, I'm a fairly opinionated woman who does not have a lot of patience with people who won't learn or would rather weasel out of things than shoulder their part of the load. Iwould love to stand up in tomorrow's meeting and say, "Excuse me, but can we cut through all the **** in here and get something going that truly works??" I get that from my father. :D

The thing I hate worst about myself is not the size of my butt or the jiggle in my arms: it's this damnable need to be liked, and the lengths to which I'll go to supress who I really am just to win the approval of people who don't matter in my life!

I hope that makes sense! :)

Celtinore-

What you show us here on this board is a wonderful, sharing, caring woman-you are positive and pleasant and slways there for us. I know that you are not doing this just to be liked. You are too genuine and caring. Anybody who can't appreciate you is the fool who's not worth caring about. Keep being you!!!!

It sure is nice to have the support of other ppl who are in the same boat as you are. I personally can't wait to fit into a new size, but i'm thinking it's going to be awhile before i will actually have to shop for new clothes. My closet contains a variety of sizes at the moment. You know, all those clothes that you save that you're sure you were going to fit back into some day. Only problem is, I think that by time i can fit back into them, they will be way out of style. However, I think I will wear them, just because I can. Its so much fun to track everyones progress and see how well they are doing and celebrate in reaching all those milestones. Keep up the good work everyone. With continued perseverance, we can do it! :)

<B>~Donna</B>, thanks so very much for the kind words. My desire to be liked comes out most often at work and around my family (go figure), especially when someone asks me to do something, and inside I'm screaming "NO NO NO!!" but then I smile and say, "Sure, I don't mind ..."

I hope the thin chick inside of me will feel more comfortable speaking her mind, and not saying yes when she means no, once she's let loose! :)

This is such a wonderful thread full of so much insight and caring. I think we do lose sight of ourselves because so often in public we are overlooked.

Like you, Celtinore, I am the family YES person, the peacemaker, keeper of all family relationships. I'm soooo sick of it, but it would rock so many boats and be so misinterpreted as me not caring if I quit. I love and care for my family so much, but I wish just once in awhile, someone beside my DH would see what I could use. Adult children, teens, grandchildren, and aging parents...where do I fit in without everyone else falling apart. I want to do the leaning for a while, but can't. It seems selfish to me to want to put myself on a priority for awhile, but I'm little by little getting better.

I've seen weight loss change people in ways that I think have been abrasive and uncharitable. They look down on others still struggling. I don't want to be like that. I just wish I could look at myself the way my DH looks at me and feel about myself the way he feels about me. That will be the day I know I am complete. Emotional freedom for me is a lot about weight, but I do wonder if it's just because I let the weight hold me back from being the person I really want to be. The chicken or the egg.

It's a bumpy ride, but I'm glad I have this haven to turn to where people really understand not only the weight, but the hurt, the embarassment, the self-doubt and all the pieces that rob us of our dignity.

Deb

You know how you gotta crawl before you can walk? It might be hard to reach a magic number and say to yourself - "Okay, let her out!" Maybe you could let your inner thin chick loose a little now ... Every day, you could challenge yourself to saying 'no' when you mean it, or speak your mind. You could even practice here! :)

You say "being likeable is more important than being me" ... IMHO, the problem with that is that people never have a chance to really like you because they never actually know you! They may like the mask you put on for their benefit - but it won't penetrate to *you*. You deserve more, way more.

XOXO Monika

Hi there,

I will follow your progress with great interest. I am confident that you will lose weight on LC. Keep us posted.

Kenny

Amen, sister! Preach on! :)



You are absolutely right. But it's a little like <I>The Wizard of Oz</I> ... "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" ... same-old-same-old of fat = unworthy = need mask to be loved.

I should clarify, when I said "family", I wasn't referring to DH & kids. They are terrific, couldn't ask for better. The emotional baggage comes from aunts & uncles, and an ex-spouse whom I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Perhaps the secret key to letting out "thin chick" is to believe that she deserves to come out ...that the people in my life who have hurt me because of my weight (physically and mentally) <I>have no power over me anymore</I> -- their "judgments" don't matter, because <I>they never bothered to know the woman behind the fat. </I> I'm just rambling, but there seems to be a grain of truth in this -- it touched a nerve to write it, and my grandmother (very wise woman) always said that if the sermon made you squirm, then there was something in it you were meant to hear! :blush:

Grandma was right. I think this thread touched a nerve for a few of us.

Deb

I, for one, am looking forward to getting to know you, the woman behind and beyond the fat.

XOXO Monika

And I, you -- each of you, all of you -- this is such an amazing group of people! :)

I'm not sure how to say this without it coming out wrong, but I'll try.

I think we have to be careful not to view our experience with being fat only as a negative. Reading this thread, it is obvious that many of us have grown emotionally through our experience with being "different" than other people. I see a lot of empathy and caring for other people coming out in this discussion and many other discussions in the Triple Digits Club. Other parts of this forum often have threads in which people are arguing, stating that they don't feel adequately supported, stating that they feel negatively judged, etc. I have never seen that in the TDC.

The opposite of being too willing to put other people's needs before one's own needs is being selfish. We all need to find a happy medium -- we can't always prioritize other's needs out of our own insecurity and need to be liked -- but erring somewhat on the size of being more giving and caring is certainly better than erring on the side of being more selfish.

I think, through being fat, I have learned to understand and appreciate more the experience of people who are "different" in lots of different ways and I think that is true for many people posting here. That is a positive thing that I hope I don't lose as I lose the weight. Deb wrote about people losing weight and becoming abrasive and uncharitable. No one writing in this forum is abrasive and uncharitable and I hope we all stay that way. Let's make sure we don't lose the positive lessons we have learned through out experience of being fat. Yes there are negatives to being fat and it has affected all of us in some negative ways, but let's also celebrate the positive.

You are a great group of people and I am so glad I have gotten to know you all!