There are probably more than a few people who are trying to get rid of their "baggage" and the "baggage" takes the form of bodily fat. Some people are depressed all the time, some are angry, some are vain, some are co-dependant - these are all forms of "weight" - and some just want to lose a few pounds because their metabolism has changed.

Doing it to be more attractive outwardly is a losing battle. What happens when you don't feel attractive. What if your partner leaves you for someone more attractive. What if you wake up with a zit? What happens if your eyes start sagging after you turn 40 and you've always found it unattractive?

Karen

I guess I'm wondering, what is the male equivalent of "you've got such a pretty face?"

How about:
"I think you're really nice but................."
"Thanks for the beer, BYE!...................."
"What did you say your friends name was again? He has SUCH a nice body!!!"
LOL!!!

I was at a college roommate's wedding, standing beside my other roommate and the bride's brother. He said to me"No offense to you but...." and then turned to her and said, " I just have to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever met!"

Why did he even say that to me? It would have been LESS rude to just SKIP THAT! and tell her she is beautiful.

I felt justified later that night when he realized that she is as psycho as she is pretty. He kept running away from her and trying to talk to me the rest of the night. LOL!! Maybe there is truth to beauty being skin deep....
No, I don't consider myself ugly. :roll:
Mary B

Mary B -- your examples are great. And the "no offense to you" comment was awful -- alas, manners are no longer taught at either home or school, I fear :)

Alto,

Amen! (and thanks for agreeing!!)

mb

No offense, homegirl, but I still think that what we believe is attractive is very much based on societal norms. Attractiveness is not directly related to health. After all, some things women and men do for the sake of good looks can be dangerous to one's health -- body piercing, high heeled shoes, sun tanning and the like. There are cultures in which big really is beautiful. When I visited China last year, more than one man came up to me amazed that a woman could be that big, meaning that beautiful! I was embarrassed, but they thought they were complimenting me.

I am disgusted when people look down at me because of my size; when they assume I couldn't have a normal sex life; when they think I have a moral defect because I am fat. I've even been told that fat people shouldn't be pastors any more than alcoholics or pedophiles should be. They said that being overweight is a sign of moral and spiritual weakness.

No. I'm not fat because of any moral failing. I'm fat because of the genetic makeup of my physical self. I was fat since puberty - not because I was eating uncontrollably, but because my body has a different metabolism than, say, my husband who can eat anything and remain the same 147 pounds he's been since we were married 22 years ago.

I am not interested in losing weight to be "pretty;" I'm interested in being stronger and healthier. I want more energy to do the things in life I love to do.

When my daughter was about 5 or 6 years old she asked me if I thought she would be fat like me when she grew up. I told her to look at all the women and men in our family. Chances are she has inherited one of their body types. But what's important is not how you look, but how you take care of the body God gave you.

(She, btw, is 12 now, and is proud of my weight loss, but afraid she's going to lose the "pillowy" mom who is so comfortable for sleeping on and leaning against. Dad is too skinny and bony, she says.)

So, yes, I think it's good when the motivation comes from within, instead of from others wanting us to be something we're not.

Hi Homegirl
 

I'm lucky to be married to a man who still chases me even after a 100# weight gain. Looking buff is not my ultimate goal, I want to be healthy and able to move easier. Being able to buy rack clothing is a bonus and nothing more. I don't know how old you are but I remember when beautiful was full figured like Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield. Every year people get fatter and the ideal body gets smaller. Some of these models are sickening to look at. No offense taken by the way. :wave:

To Karen
 

Yes. I get it. And I agree with you re baggage.

As for being outwardly attractive perhaps I should have said "feeling and looking the best that one can." I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and, therefore, is very subjective. I guess what I was trying to get at is that for me, I wanted to be the best me that I can be--as in not settling for something less than what I knew was possible. I didn't/don't want to sell myself short. For me, that goes for everything in my life. I am not a perfectionist by any stretch of the imagination but I always try to do and give my best whether it's in my service to other people, at church, at home with my kids, being a wife, at work (when I used to teach all those years ago), etc. When I feel good about myself--what I have achieved in my life, what I have contributed to others, how I look--there is a confidence and energy that is exuded that is attractive to others and that is what I meant

I also know that my best may be much better than someone else's best but at the same time it may not be as good as someone else's best. But that is life. The point is to always be and do the best I can with what I have and not worry about comparing myself with everyone else. We shouldn't be selling ourselves short.

Hi Wendy,

I agree. When ever I hear this, I always recall this picture from the last century posted last year by Doreen. It's a total reversal of social norms!

Check it out:

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthre...?s=&threadid=58

Wa'il

Hey Shelley
 

I too feel good that my hubby still chases me around and thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread (heaven forbid on a locarb site). His body hasn't changed much since we first met except to reach his full growth as a man (we were only 19 and 20 when we met). He has seen my body change so much over the years with four pregnancies and weight gain but he has never once said or even hinted that any of those changes was distasteful to him.

On the contrary, he has expressed more than once his admiration and respect at the power of women's bodies and the changes they go through.

Since losing all this weight and almost being back to what I used to be when we first met and before I had children, he has never said you look better now. He is very happy for me because he knows I am happier with myself.

Wa'il ... that's great! Love it!

Re changing social norms and the link to the 19th century ideal woman Wa'il posted -- THANK YOU! -- in the 19th century, dancers wore padded tights so that their legs would look plump. You could actually get tights fitted to your particular curves, and lack thereof. One star ballerina in the 18th century was so skinny that she was caricatured, ridiculed and called names, and one of my favorite reviews of a ballerina is a complaint that a foreign dancer was too thin, not "like our beautiful, arch and chubby ladies of the ballet." (That was about 1902.)

Not that skinny people should be caricatured either, of course, and there are probably lots of overweight people who are cruel, or say mean things to and about, other overweight people. But I think most of us -- if only out of self-interest -- wish that societal norms were different. (I hope we'll all remember it when we're the skinny guy running the interview -- but of course we will, won't we?)

Yes that is true, but that's why I said that I like toned and healthy looking bodies no matter what size bone frame they have or body shape (hour glass or long and lean or husky), or height. I am not thinking of what is pushed at us by the fashion industry.



Hmmmm . . . seems to me that Marilyn, Jane M, and Jane R all had that Hour-glass figure. So again, we have an example of society choosing one body type over another as the quintessential form of beauty.

Why can't we have a Marilyn, a twiggy and a Sandra Bullock (an "everygirl" in my opinion) and count them all as beautiful because they reflect the "best" of their "body type?"

In a perfect world
 

I think what bothers me to be honest is not the figure type or even the idea of a perfect figure. It is the obvious lack of respect persons show for one another. I must be a dinosaur or something, but it seems to me that society has forgotten the meaning of etiquette. My parents were, as I am as a parent, very strict about how we present ourselves to others.
I was taught that etiquette was not to appear polite but rather to never make someone uncomfortable with your behaviour. I am frankly shocked and unsure how to react in such situations.

Have to agree with you on that one! Whatever happened to manners and the Golden Rule? I too am trying hard to instill that same kind of thoughtfulness and respect toward others in my boys. I really feel that I need to teach them, especially, how to treat women with respect and dignity and as their equals. I see and hear too often women bemoaning how they are treated by men and yet they raise their boys to be exactly the same way--by not giving them responsibilities, by not holding them accountable for their own decisions and choices, by allowing them to buy into the double standard!

But regardless, we all have to remember that all those "other" people out there who are not "us" have feelings, thoughts, aspirations and dreams just like we do, so we should treat them the way we want to be treated.

Being polite
 

I agree with the statement that is about etiquette. I can't believe how people will say to you like: "My aren't you a big girl!" or "If that was my child I would spank her!" or "How can you fit in that resturant booth?!" Its makes me so angry which upsets me. Why do we have to take this verbal nonsense?! :(
Its not just what we hear, its what we see. Movies, TV, magazines, Commercials, Newspapers, and the such.
People are so worried about fat, their weight, their age, so that no one really enjoys being who they are!
My 14 year old daughter told me something yesterday. She said "Mom, I am so different from other kids." She is 30lbs overweight, She's a genius, She loves to make up songs and stories, She's ADHD and OCD.. you know what? She IS different... Aren't we all? So I told her "Yes you are right and I am so glad you are you! My bright, creative, energetic girl!" and hugged her. She was feeling much better. I figure the best thing I can do is show my comfort with my body. I dance with my kids, I sing with my kids... I hope they teach others the same way. :p
Please! Can't we see the beauty that each of us have?? :daizy: