I know how you feel. I have lost at least 20 so far (did not get weighed until after was on induction a week).
I am 2 pants sizes smaller. But when I look in the mirror I feel fatter than ever. Sometimes at 360 it seems hopeless. Then today while taking my aging mother shopping someone told me to move my fat ass out of the way.. Never mind I was pushing my mom in a wheelchair cart...... If she had not been there who knows what would have happened. But since she was there I just bit my tongue and kept walkin as if I never heard him... Like my own image was not bad enough before. And after not being able to pound his ass to salt I feel even worse lol

Aj, I hear what your saying...try focusing on the positive. Tell yourself 'I've lost 30 pounds', 'Im doing it, and nothing can stop me', 'I will lose it this time', 'Im feeling so much better, my clothes are looser' ect.

ENJOY the journey..in no time, you will be there. ENJOY and REJOICE that you are getting there, and will get to your goal :)

Oh Ian, how horrible for you! I know exactly how you feel - people can be so ignorant and rude on one hand and yet so supportive on the other, like everyone in this forum. It's so nice to have a place where we can vent, knowing that at least people on the other end TRY to understand, even if they really don't. Please don't let ~$#holes like that get you down - you've already accomplished so much, and now I feel like a whining hag! Hang in there - I feel with you.

Hey, Ian??? You'd get a free pass on THIS one from me....<evillaugh>

Ian, I can't believe someone would say that! I am so sorry you had to deal with this! When people used to asked when the baby was due...NOT pregnant I would want to crawl in bed for days. Unfortunately, I think fat aversion is the one of the most openly acceptable prejudices. People are outrageous for truly believing they are better because they are of average weight!

I agree, what you weigh has absolutely no bearing on what type of person you are! I always start singing that old Tears for Fears song when I think about it..."people are people, so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully".

I was brought up in a house with a Christian, drug dealing father (who incidentally was in prison when I was born) and a Jewish, alcoholic Mother with an extremely overweight Grandmother (my Mom's Mom) and an anorexic and bulimic sister! Needless to say, my family is ver diversified, he, he! Really though, I was taught that people are people and we all bleed red blood....I have never and will never condone any type of prejudices...for any reason. I'll bet the guy that said such an awful thing behind you went outside and smoked a cigarette....same kind of problem, only your addiction doesn't polute his lungs! Maybe he doesn't smoke, but I'm sure he's not perfect, couldn't be or he wouldn't have said such and awful thing. I wish people weren't so judgemental!

Serena - I'm on week 4 of body for life. I don't know if I will be able to continue it though due to time constraints.

I am also haveing large issues with motivation right now. I have to drag myself to the gym. That's not workout orientated though as I have to drag myself to class too.

I'm finding myself really frustrated though. I've been in a stall and just not seeing the weight loss on BFL. I know I just need patience though. As for this kangaroo pooch from 2 c-sections, I am begining ot think only surgery would take care of it. I know alot of it is fat, but I have to wonder how much of it is loose skin, or just skin loose enough the fat hangs funny. I'll get the boob job first though I swear. Maybe if those puppies were larger the rest would look smaller ;p

This isn't a harsh message. I agree with potatofree. I think you have a realistic idea of where you want to be and I admire that. However, not always is it possible to maintain the same weight. I know you want to be 113, and you probably will be able to achieve it, but perhaps your body has just settled on 118, which in all respects, is a very healthy weight to be at. I am wondering - have you had your body fat % checked? You might find that you are very healthy the way you are now, and if you lose 5 more pounds, it might be muscle mass that you are loosing, instead of fat.

The reason I bring this up is because my mother is going through the same type of thing. She is 54 years old and weighs 129lbs and is 5"6. For the longest time, she couldn't understand why she couldn't get to 120lbs, which is what she had been at when she was in her mid-30's, before she had my sister. After months of trying to get the few extra pounds off, she finally accepted the fact that her body was not wanting to take off those extra pounds. And later that year, she had her body fat % taken and she was very good for her age group (24% I believe). Personally, I think if you managed to have a child and only gain 5lbs out of it, and stay in great physical health, then you are an extremely dedicated woman and you should be proud just of that accomplishment alone. I don't think any woman has ever given child birth and gotten themselves 100% back to exactly the way they were before. The body is bound to change after such a stressful time.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Potatofree,
Thanks but I showed restraint in my actions as you pointed out to me in a past episode....... See we can try to change but the #$%holes just keep hitting on me. I dont ask to be put down. It was very very very hard to just walk away!!!!!!!!

I just had a shot to my self-esteem the other day. An ex-bf is working in town for a few days. He made one of those remarks that nobody else would catch, but I knew full well what it meant.... When I dated him, I was about 125 lbs., and he'd point out my "flab" then! You can imagine what he thinks NOW!!!

I tried everything, and was thinking "I can lose weight, he can't lose STUPID." It still hurts. To top it off, the guy he's working FOR is my next-door NEIGHBOR, so the a**hole is always nearby. I've changed my route to pick up my friend for lunch to avoid their worksite...but since this whole TOWN is about 8 blocks long, and there's ONE cafe to eat at... it's a challenge not to feel his beady little eyes on me. And it's NOT my imagination, he literally STOPS what he's doing and stares!!!!

I'll be glad when the job is done. (They have several lined up before freeze-up..it's construction work) I keep reminding myself that he's a loser...but it's wearing me down. It DOES help that his boss has a crush on me...I can about imagine the conversations there!!!

Serena,
Actually, Depeche Mode did "People Are People," and the only sad thing about that is that I am old enough to know that piece of information! But, YOU are 100% correct, people who are happy and satisfied with themSELVES do NOT yell out rude things to other people in supermarkets, especially someone who is caring enough to take his mother shopping! OIK! Imagine that guy going home and saying: "yeh, today I yelled at some guy pushing his mother in a wheelchair." The average person would be horrified, and obviously the issues were not the weight of the person he was calling "fat*ss" but inside himself.

People can be cruel but going through life as a cruel person is its own punishment, I think.

Jasmine

Exxs can be to worst. I heard a ex high school love tell her husband "good thank god I did not marry him" At our 20th year graduation party this past year.

I really try to encourage people to have a high self esteem about themselves, first. That is the beginning of successful weight loss. I had a high self esteem before losing weight, that is why I had such a great appetite. I didn't eat for emotional reasons, I ate because I was hungry. :agree: My body doesn't look nearly as, well we'll say, unproportioned as it did a year ago but it looks better. I still have some sagging but my shape is trying to poke through.

Another thing, look at the people who have lost their bodies after becoming quadroplegics ( sp? ). Look at someone like Christopher Reeves. Then ask yourself "how can I loathe my body when I can walk tall, run, sign my name." :nono: :yay: What we see in the mirror is just a reflection. Losing weight and body transformation tells us that we are healthy and alive regardless of our size.

Black57

black57-- I appreciate your views, however I disagree that you ate because you were hungry, only... If a person ONLY eats when physically hungry, and stops when satisfied, eating for no other reason than to fulfill the body's needs, a weight problem is nearly impossible to develop....IMHO.

Whether I eat because I'm depressed or because it's a joyful celebration of life...it's STILL emotional eating, not sheerly for the physical requirement of calories....

Cristopher Reeves is a wonderful example of self-esteem, which is by definition, holding yourself as valuable and worthy. Even HE faced the dark moments of suicidal thoughts after his accident, and spent quite some time contemplating his own worth, before his wife and children convinced him that by his mere existance, he was irreplacible to them...but that doesn't mean he NEVER has moments when he looks in the mirror and dislikes what he sees.

Nobody is completely free of self-doubt. We all hold in the back of our minds a basic gatitude for the life we are given.. we forget sometimes, but it's there if we look for it.

Black57, I agree with you completely on self-esteem. We shouldn't dislike ourselves because we're overweight. We need to get to know the person inside the body, and if we find that's a person we don't like, we need to work on making them likable. I know I'm not perfect, but this has been my philosophy for some years now. At first, I stopped and looked at some of the people I have known through my life, especially the women who influenced me. I picked one or two great qualities each one had, then tried to put them into myself. No, it hasn't been 100% successful. I still fight being tactless, but have overcome a lot of it. I can still be jealous from time to time, but nothing like years ago. I had a horrid temper, and learned to control that 99% of the time.

Potatofree, the problem with me and food has a lot to do with the fact that I love to eat! Yes, a lot of my weight was originally put on because of emotional baggage I was carrying around. But it stayed there because I love food, plain and simple. Then later, I took off over 40 pounds and kept it off for over two years until I was expecting my first child. I had morning sickness constantly, and the only thing that would alleviate it was to eat, so that's what I did. Then later, when I would try to take some off, it would come right back on because I was so hungry and sick of dieting that I was ready to eat everything in sight! LOL Then as I got older I didn't increase the amount of food I was eating, yet at the same time have slowly been gaining weight over several years. So, in essence, a person can gain weight without increasing food intake and eating beyond the point of being full. I rarely 'over ate', but the types of food I was eating was the major culprit.

Adam, I've read a few of your posts over the past couple of days and there's no way you should be down on yourself or looking at yourself poorly because you've lost 'only' 30 pounds. You are doing great! And I can tell by your posts you are one swell guy with a lot of understanding of people in general. :)