should his wife lose weight for him?
 

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!! This is Andy and Candy, they were married and she was hot on the honey moon and now, 5 years later, she's gained a few pounds. Anyway, read the first link and follow it or just click on the second...could this be some social experiment???

http://forums.about.com/ab-menshealth/messages/?msg=133

http://www.geocities.com/thin_or_fat/

It could be a joke, you never know.

If he is concerned about her health, then that is a valid concern to have for a spouse. I've learned on bulliten boards men aren't always the best at expressing themselves clearly.

If it is a matter though that he is just shallow and wants her to lose for looks while she is perfectly happy at her current weight, then he should learn that respect is an important part of marrige. If she only has 30 pounds to lose to get back to her honeymoon weight, she could verywell still be within a healthy weight range for her body.

If they have been married for 5 years, there must be something besides just looks keeping them together. I don't think even the most shallow people could keep from annoying the heck out of each other unless there is something they have in common. Hopefully the bulliten board thing is more of a joke between them just to see how people would vote.

If it's a joke it's not a funny one. God that is messed up.

Being the first person to post to this thread with a penis, I'd have to say "Go Andy!". If I married a girl and then porked up, I'd expect the same.

Personal opinion...those who marry strictly for looks or money, earn whatever they get. :rolleyes:
Maybe they should just take this part out of the marriage vows:
"..For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part.." since a lot of folks just don't seem to take that seriously anymore and just want to bail at the first sign of trouble or something that they don't like about the other person (like, God forbid, gaining a few pounds).
My DH is a lot heavier (probably 50 pounds or so) than when I married him 18 years ago. While I would like to see him drop some of that weight, it's out of concern for his health since he has a strong family history of diabetes and heart disease and he's a strong candidate for both with where he carries his weight (primarly in his abdomen). If he doesn't, well...I'm not about to kick him to the curb. I didn't marry him because he was thin, I married him because he's a great guy. Looks don't last forever. Personality does. :)

Incredible! If I were Candy I'd be embarrassed to tears having a husband that would do such a thing!!!

No one should pressure another to lose weight, that just makes matters worse. Certainly she would look and feel better about herself, but what if the tables were turned? He would be filing for a divorce!!!!

She should have a "penile implant" site... either he gets a couple of inches put on it, or she'll leave...

potatofree HA!!! that's perfect, I'll have to remember that for my friends who have that problem...my bf is perfect (well....he has his moments), he says he thinks it's great that I'm trying to lose weight but just in case it doesn't work out for me he tells me all the time it's not a big deal, he thinks I'm beautiful...When I showed him this site he just nodded his head in shame and looked away (he agrees she should lose weight for her health but thinks Andy is an ass)...he's such a sweety...

Nice one Potatofree

For a man who at one time weighed in at 325 pounds, and was most decidedly morbidly obese, you display a shocking shallowness, callousness, disrespect, and insensitivity to those who may struggle with weight. Shame on you. Too many men view women as creatures to stare at -- not humans with feelings and needs.

The girl before was very young, and very thin. Now she gained only about 30 pounds... probably with age. He can't possibly expect her to stay the way she was. Looks are fleeting. Besides, she is not hugely fat now, not even clinically obese really as before she was underweight. I think she should lose weight for her, not to impress her husband. I am sure her husband has a few gray hairs, added a few pounds, and most DEFINITELY probably stopped the honeymoon romantic treatment. I seriously doubt he would treat her this way if he had to trick... oops, I'm sorry, propose marriage to her.

Look the bottom line is this. People are not perfect, women were not put on this earth to entertain men, and guess what a marriage should be based on much more than superficial looks.

If I was Candy, I would dump that jerk without hesitation.

I agree ItsTheWooo!

Candy should lose weight if she wants to when she is ready to and having that type of pressure on her doesnt make things easy on her and makes her husband look like a jerk.

If he wants her to lose weight he can be supportive and make suggestions like lets join a gym and go together or perhaps make options for healthier choices for both of them.

My ex boyfriend used to encourage me to lose weight after I gained 100 lbs while we were together in 1 year. He was supportive of me but would sit around and eat chinese food and pizza while I was trying to eat steamed something or another all the time and it became really difficult to do it alone.

There are better ways to go about this and many of those comments were hurtful and disgusting.

Why should a man make a woman feel ugly and unattractive it makes her even worse because she feels worse about herself and it lowers her self esteem.

Well, just looking at the pics to me, it's pretty obvious that the fat photo has been retouched. I dunno if that makes it bogus or not, but from the tone of the site and the bogus pics, I tend to think so.

rage
 

This is insult to us all!!!! That a.. Is saying she has control over her weight and can lose and gain at will, as if, how many of you know someone like that none! Who chooses to gain weight! I sure didn't, Couldn't stop it. Tried everything Saw Doctor after doctor This is the only way to lose. If this is real I really feel for her, Bet she is getting " you have such a pretty face now if you would only lose weight" Lecture, and a lot of other BS.

Thats my vent sorry this hit too close to home!! I say it dosn't bother me but I guess the scar is still open.

Diane

I'm not convinced that this is really legit, but if it is, wow....some of those comments are really harsh! I can't imagine my husband putting up with some of the things that have been said to Candy on this site, let alone laughing at it and saying "see...they think you need to lose weight!".
Fat or not, if someone were to say some of the things to my face that have been said to Candy on this site in the presence of my DH, they'd be laid out on the floor unconscious and it would be a 50/50 bet as to which of us would be responsible for it.
At the very minimum, I think Andy is a total jerk for subjecting his wife to such comments on purpose.
I do know of a way that Candy can lose almost 200 pounds of ugly weight in a hurry, though...d-i-v-o-r-c-e. :rolleyes:
If this is really legit, I think she should lose the weight and then lose Andy.

I'd say the whole thing is contrived .. I notice that most of the site talks about Candy and Andy .. but next to the voting panel, it tells the reader to "leave a note for Dan or Candy in the guestbook". Name changed to protect the insensitive, I guess.

Here's a great comment, from someone around 13 yrs old (mental age, if not actual ..)
:rolleyes:

Doreen

Andys a dumda$$
My wife gained 30 lbs since I married her and she was still beautiful and I never hassled her about her weight because I didn't care because she still was beautiful and I didn't marry her for her body. I married her because we go together like peas in a pod. I don't have to pretend to be anyone other than myself and can be completely honest with her about anything anytime. She is a part of me that I would not want to lose under any circumstances. Some people call it love.

To me it is love that comes so easy and because we are both so up front and honest about our opinions and views of things Even if we don't agree she is an extension of me and I know she feels the same way.

She finally did get tired of the extra weight and took it off the old fashioned way of diet and exercise and now is very proud of herself and her looks (as she should be)

Now the flip side
I too gained about 60 lbs and she never had anything to say about it and she did not love me any less. she did have concerns about my health though but never tried to pressure me or ridicule me into getting thinner.

Unfortunately for me it took deteriorating health issues to finally get me to start taking better care of myself and to start getting healthy.
She supports me in this all the way,even starting the low-carb lifestyle herself.

To sum it up I am thankful to God for bring us together Because no one else can fill her shoes.

Andy needs to get a life and reevaluate his relationship because superficial things should not matter.
Its what is inside that counts

And fatty-coddling is going to make that weight just fly off her. Riiiight.



That pretty little band of financial and sexual obligation around her finger had absolutely nothing to do with it either, I'm sure :)



Considering the studies done on marriage, weight gain, and marital happiness, that's an iffy proposition - for women, there's a huge correlation between weight gain and marital unhappiness (which comes first is a chicken-and-the-egg argument :)). But she's also MUCH less marketable to potential mates as a result of her weight. Lose the weight, then ditch the guy. I thought all ladies knew never to let go of one branch before grabbing hold of another? :)

Hmmm...and fatty bashing/shaming is going to be more effective? Perhaps...if the goal is to get her to dump him. Assuming that this is legitimate and not some sick joke, the issue here seems to be one of control. Since Andy isn't getting what he wants (Candy to lose the weight) by telling her he wants her to, he's "upping the ante" so to speak by trying to shame her into it. Nice tactics for a so-called loving relationship. Manipulation such as this does not indicate a healthy relationship to start with. I'd say that the marriage is already in trouble whether Candy decides to lose the weight or not.




This cuts both ways and I don't recall anything in my marriage vows promising to always remain at the weight I was at when I got married. As a matter of fact, I weigh less now than I did then. I DO, however, recall something in those vows about "to love, honor and cherish" (again, nothing in there about that only applying as long as wifey stays slim). What Andy is doing fits none of those words.



Newsflash...there are a lot of men who prefer their women to not be anorexic and actually appreciate a woman with a little more meat on her bones, so to speak. The above only applies to men who have the notion that a woman has to look like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model to be considered mate material. What's more, most women who look like that probably wouldn't give someone with the above attitude the time of day, much less marry them.

I wonder if she starved / purged / Slim-Fasted before the wedding in order to be 30 lbs lighter?? She looks kinda emaciated in the before pic ..

What if she decides to trim down by exercising?? She could end up weighing exactly the same or even a bit MORE .. yet be 3 sizes leaner and slimmer. Does that mean she loses the bet because the number on the scale isn't 30 lbs smaller? :rolleyes:


Doreen

What about the number of guys that pork up? IMHO 30 extra pounds on a woman looks so much better than 30 on a man.

With such attitudes from some men, it's a wonder any of them could GET a wife....

As for "fatty-coddling" et al...

My husband "supported" my weight loss by oinking when I ate something he didn't think I should have...and ridiculing me every chance he got, while telling me he did it because he "cared"....It didn't work. <duh>

Glad Mr Potatohead isn't around if you were getting that kinda crap!

Not to mention be more physically capable of kicking Andy's sorry butt to the curb. :lol:

There is a huge chasm between "fatty coddling" and being a decent human being. If someone put a website up about his wife with crap like that on it, he's no kind of man. He can't settle the issue without that? He isn't strong enough to present her his point of view without creating a comedy website?

(I'm pretty sure the entire thing is fake, anyway.)

I finally realized what about this bothers me so much, so get ready for a rant folks. It's because it promotes the attitude in today's society that being overweight, even by a little, makes it legitimate to subject someone to ridicule, taunting and verbal abuse simply because of a number on a scale or that they don't fit the (IMNSHO, ANOREXIC) model of beauty that the media presents us with).
Does being overweight make us less human? How about lower intelligence? Less capable of doing a good job than the next person? Without feelings? A worse husband/wife than a skinny person? Should we forfeit our right to be treated with dignity and respect soley because of our size? The answer to all of those is NO! Does not fitting the mold of what someone else feels is beauty make us deserving of such treatment? No! When I get to my goal weight, I will still be the same person I was when I weighed 260 pounds. About the only difference I have noticed so far is that I now have the self esteem and confidence to stand up to the morons who think they have a right to comment on my size and call them for the jerks they are.
As an adult, I can stand up for myself, but it's this same attitude even among young children that has made it necessary for me to have to be on guard against a possible eating disorder in my 9 year old daughter! About a year ago, she started getting a little chubby and when the other kids in her class found out what she weighed (much thanks to her gym teacher for that one), they started taunting her. This was in second grade, folks! How did she respond? She quit eating and dropped nearly 20 pounds in 6 months. Great! some folks might say. Not great. At that age, losing that much weight that quickly can cause a child to stop growing and it damages their bodies in other ways. Her pediatrician is having a fit! Not to mention, now we have to battle the mindset of "I'm fat" even when she is NOT fat, nor was she when all this started and she's preoccupied with how much she weighs at 9 years old! She didn't "fit the mold" of how the other kids thought she should be and she wasn't mature enough to stand up for herself and tell them to get a life. That's how much damage words (and the attitude that you have to be skinny to be an acceptable human being) can do and it is NOT acceptable in my opinion.
What I find especially disturbing is that someone who (I presume) has suffered verbal abuse or discrimination due to their size would see this as perfectly acceptable behavior to engage in.

End of rant. :rolleyes:

How successfully you women frame the discussion in terms of the chauvinist jerk husband vs. the helplessly overweight wife! Are these the things they taught you when they pulled you aside in gym class? :) Torching your straw men isn't worth the flames that would ensue.

The reality is quite simple: being fat is not acceptable (not even with the 'to have and to hold' poppycock so readily being bandied about as an excuse for fat-assery). When people learn this, perhaps they will de-chunkify and start living happier lives. I know I have :)

Did you not read Lisa's post, Speakerguy? Why are the overweight (and even the slightly overweight) undeserving of dignity in your world? Being fat is not a crime, and isn't even a moral issue, so why is someone worth less when they gain weight?

I'm pretty sure that site is just a joke, but dude - that woman is experiencing entirely NORMAL "female pattern weight gain." That's the way the female body is designed to work. Sorry. No, I take that back - no woman owes anyone else an apology for that.

"being fat is not acceptable"

According to whom? Who has the right to judge?

Speakerguy-- may I ask what YOUR wife thinks of your size?

I agree with Kristine. Says who? And why should I conform to what "they" think is beauty? What gives "them" the right to set the standard?
Considering that the current "standard" of what is considered "acceptable" is fostering eating disorders in our young daughters (and sons as well) in order to try and meet it, I'd say that something is seriously wrong with that standard.
I didn't need gym class to teach me that every human being is deserving of being treated with dignity and respect regardless of what size, color or shape they happen to be, but now that you mention it, it wouldn't be a bad idea to start teaching people that lesson in school; it seems that quite a few haven't learned yet that a person's worth isn't determined by what size they wear, nor should happiness be tied to a number on the scale.
I'm afraid that those who think that losing weight will solve all their problems and that they'll find happiness when they reach that magic number on the scale will find themselves sorely disappointed once they reach their goal weight and find that the only thing that has changed about them is their clothing size unless they also deal with the serious self-esteem issues also going on. BTW...self-esteem shouldn't be tied to a number, either, since what size we are or how much we weigh doesn't determine our worth as a human being, either.
As for a heavier girl being less "marketable"....dude, we aren't slabs of meat to be put on the auction block! I found and married a wonderful guy weighing more than I do now and we've been together (happily, I might add) for more than 18 years now. Come to think of it, he's gained 50 pounds in the time we've been married. Should I kick him to the curb because of that? NOT!

Weight issues aside, any man that would turn his wife into an internet sideshow to be mocked and ridiculed is no man in my opinion.

This is a quote from Dr. Stillman's Quick Weight Loss Diet, published in the US in 1967.

What a sad example of manipulation and humiliation. :(


Doreen